Think friend has drink problem...

[MissAnnesley]

I never knew this topic existed.

I have an old friend, I don't see her much any more for various practical (rather than emotional) reasons but we are fond of each other. She has one child and is pregnant. I know she has drunk, and been drunk, several times during her pregnancy, and before her pregnancy drank quite a lot - a bottle of wine before & during dinner, and one after. That's a lot.

It's always been in a gay abandon kind of way, (and in the past quite often I have been out having fun with her) not drinking under the bed or anything. But I can see in her eye she has a kind of cold thirst for it ifswim, gets argumentative if you say let's not have any more, doesn't remember things the next day. When we were 20-odd it was how we had fun a lot of the time but surely we are too old for this now (late30s)

Do you think it's appropriate to say anything?

Yes, if you can, particularly as she's pregnant. I wouldn't go any further than saying "You still seem to be knocking it back a bit there- have you told your doctor you are drinking at the moment?"

Then I'd leave it. It's her business really, and the health professionals looking after her. I rather doubt she is unaware of the problem.

I wouldn't feel comfortable boozing with her, from what you describe, and would stop enabling her by doing that, but I wouldn't bang on about it all- she is an adult with her own decisions to make.

No, I don't drink with her these days, other than when she comes round for supper and there's drink available - she drinks as she likes, I don't ever refuse to fill up the wine glass, and I drink what I am comfortable with but I start feeling awful at the third glass these days. When I say "we're too old" I really mean I know I am too old & wouldn't dream of drinking the way I did in college - I couldn't - and I think she is too - in that if it has gone on for this long I think it signifies a problem.

I might be comfortable saying something along he lines of what you've suggested. It would be very unusual in the relationship we have to be critical of one another - I think anything stronger that that would be perceived as aggressive and she would be really offended.

Do you know whether alcoholism is a genetic thing or is that still under discussion?

MissAnnesley I'm not sure there's anything you should or can do, unless she specifically asks for help.

Are you sure she is drinking so much during her pregnancy?

Re the genetic thing, that's still under discussion.

Interesting site here