Phone calls and taking messages

[Jux]

DH gets back from the big city after a couple of days away, in the early hours of this morning. At a little after 8am the phone rings, he answers; it's a call from my close friend to tell me her partner has died suddenly and unexpectedly. DH takes the message, leaving me asleep (no, hte phone didn't wake me up - dh gets to it v v quickly).

I wake at about 10.30; about an hour later the phone rings, I answer it. It is a mutual friend telling me my friend's partner died in the early hours of the morning. The phone ringing has woken dh and he comes down stairs in the middle of the call, saying oh yes, I was going to tell you....

Would you be thoroughly pissed off with him?

No, I would be pissed off for a while but then I would forget it and get on with supporting my friend.

On a matter like that, yes I would be.

Am sorry for your friend

Actually, I was too shocked and horrified and sad to be pissed off. I asked him to wake me if there was ever a next time and went off to find my friend.

I'm not really pissed off with him as such, it's just I know, having spent time with my friend, that she needed me then and I wasn't there for her, and that he made a call that I simply don't understand, and which worries me a bit.

I wouldn't be angry. Maybe puzzled, but then, my husband does loads of puzzling things .

Your husband spoke to your close friend - a woman who had just lost her partner and wanted to speak to you - and didn't wake you to tell you?

I think you need to ask him why he didn't wake you.

Yes I would be angry. I find it bizarre that he didn't wake you

He decided I needed to sleep. He has a way of looking at things which I often find incomprehensible. This was one of them.

I would tell him next time to wake you.

Tell your friend you are sorry your DH didn't wake you and then get on with supporting her.

Life is too short to have a grudge with your dh as you now really know.

Is it possible your friend said 'don't wake her, just let her know and I'll call again tomorrow' or something similar - men can take suggestions such as this very seriously.

I would be upset with him, but not for long.

I remember ringing my bf to tell her my dad had died and her dh answered the phone. I asked to speak to her but he said she was asleep and could he take a message and in my grief I told him. I guess I should have waited until my bf was available rather than letting her dh pass on the message. Anyway, she rang me back and I could tell it was a really hard call for her to make.

I hope your bf is coping.

I wasn't pissed off with him, nor do I "have a grudge with" him. I was very puzzled, and simply didn't understand it. Still don't. I have already asked him to wake me if there's a next time (as I've said on this thread); I have also said that if I took a call from his best mate for the same thing I would have no hesitation in waking him.

He has no real idea why he didn't wake me, btw; just one of those known unknowns they used to talk about in America.