GOOP newsletter - good to see Gwynnie's still down here with the rest of us.

[snigger]

I don't mind the newsletter, the cookie one was fine, I'm no vegan, but each to their own.

It stretches my Alpha-mummy pretensions to screeching point, however, when she helpfully points out in this week's newsletter 'UnCaesar Salad' recipe:

"Dulse is an edible red algae that?s incredibly good for you. It?s full of minerals and vitamins including potassium, zinc, vitamin B and iodine. If you can?t find dulse flakes, simply toast a few large pieces of dulse in a dry skillet until it turns a rusty color. "

I mean, I was having a veritable algae-crisis till I got to that part.

What's GOOP?

GOOP is Gywneth Paltrow's own blog so she can share her pearls of wisdom with us mortals.

That's so pretentious -- toasting few large pieces of dulse. although solved my dulse flake problem

oh how i love goop. i was really laughing at that snigger. and when she said put four pieces of bread on top of the other four pieces to make - gasp - FOUR sandwishes.

Bloody Hell

Have to confess to having NEVER heard of dulse, or indeed, dulse 'flakes'

To me 'dulse flakes' sounds like some sort of unpleasant skin condition

She's on a different planet to me, that's for sure

Dulse
New to me!

oh god oh god oh god, I haven't got any dulse, shit what kind of person am I? I can't even simply toast my dulse. It will have to be bog standard Caesar Salad with Cos lettuce or something terribly unhealthy and un-algae-like.

I'm such a failure.

She is a knob of the highest order

In fact, she defines smug

Reminds me of a very loud person in our office. She is on some stupid diet so the other day was out for lunch and had caesar salad. Except as she pointed out to everyone she spoke to on the phone, she asked them to take out the dressing, anchovies, croutons and parmesan.

Which leaves ummm.... lettuce. Still at least it wasn't dulse, yuck.

ROFL fishie - that dazzled me too.

I should get my Mum to start a blog called Eeh Bay Goop - she can impart the technicalities of a chip buttie, and how to make do and mend if you're fresh out of mushy peas

If you can't find dulse flakes, simply use chicken.

Far more sensible advice.

I also wonder just how little sugar there is in her life if lemonade gives her a "downward spiral sugar crash afterwards".

I shouldn't mock.

It's just hard not to.

I loved Gwyneth Paltrow in Sylvia (and Sliding Doors ) However - cannot stand her smug comments re health advice like this and not using shampoo because of supposed cancer causing chemicals .. and then the silly bint gets pictured with a fag dangling out her mouth!!!

How to zap those minerals and vitamins and risk cancer in one go!!

Her ideas for salads sound sh*t. Try spam and salad cream, thats my tip for a tasty salad

Purely on the strength of this thread, which made me choke with laughter, I have signed up to the GOOP newsletter.

I look forward to a weekly piss-myself session, reading utter bollock-twaddle.

Dearie dearie me Gwyneth....

"I shouldn't mock.

It's just hard not to."

I've always assumed it's actually the voice of Chris Wanker Martin we're hearing in GOOP. I like Gywnnie too much to be able to believe this is her very own bollocks.

Here you are, oh mocky-type people...

Simplicity itself.

She really does need a Normal friend to do a quick sanity check on her phraseology

This (cynical) review of goop in the Sunday Times sticks in my mind...
"goop.com
Having bored a host of interviewers with her macrobiotic credentials, Gwyneth Paltrow has styled herself as the detoxified Martha Stewart. Her all-encompassing lifestyle site places tips on how you, too, can accelerate your bowel eliminations beside her treatise on creating the perfect family gathering, which includes getting everyone to rummage through your cupboards to help you donate to the local food bank, should you happen to be wondering."

That's all well and good, PortAndLemon, but is it FLAKED?

Gwynnie newsletter here. Bless her. The sarnie involves veggie bacon, that's just cheating.

Is sprouted whole grain bread the same as Tesco's Value Wholemeal that you've left in the bread bin for a little too long??

SoupDragon

I thought dulce was a code word for crystal meth.

only yesterday, whilst hosting an ohsocasual and informal luncheon, i found myself in my kitchen, clutching my large non-stick skillet in one organically manicured hand and a jar of vegenaise in the other...

'where did i put that fucking agave syrup i purchased at my local mini-mart last week???' i uttered to mineself. resisting the urge to fling the non-stick skillet out of the nearest window, i suddenly recalled Ms Paltrow's handy recipes for a casual summer lunch consisting only of utterly vile foodstuffs.

sea vegetables? CHECK

vegan toenail clippings? CHECK

moochachooo oil? CHECK

unavailable to plebs kitchenware? CHECK

off i went, skilleting my fingers, tossing them in agave syrup, mixing them with fresh-from-the-market knob cheese... side stepping formality (did i mention i'm ohsocasual?) i simply THREW the food into my guests mouths. their gratitude was unending. were it not for Ms Paltrow-Martin, I would have served my guests a platter of turkey burgers and curly fries. she quite literally saved me from committing social suicide.

lol blinks