What the sleb twaddle *really* means...

[Megglevache]

...bit of Sunday night fun. Cliche bingo and all that. I'll start.

"They had the strongest marriage in showbiz"

He's gay she way fed up of being his beard.

Your turn

"No we didn't have IVF for our twins"

They bought them of a poor, pregnant teenager. BOGOF.

"x has been admitted to hospital suffering from exhaustion".

x was so high that he was found careering round Harrods claiming to be a giraffe, and biting chunks out of the carpet.

"Caprice-32"

Caprice 43 if she is a day.

x deplores all cosmetic surgery procedures and is embracing her body and the aging process.......

x has had so many botox injections her face is fixed in a permenent grimace, so many face lifts her eyebrows have disappeared and so many tummy tucks she has had to have her beard epilated

"Bi-Polar"

Cold turkey

"X is a devoted mother"

the nanny knocks off at 10pm to make way for the doula who does the night shift.

"exhaustion"

cocaine od

"I eat loads"

of lettuce

CoCo do you write for Closer magazine?

"I just have really good genes".

I have Dr Smythly-Ricketts(noted plastic surgeon) on speed dial

'i just breastfed and the weight dropped off'

i'm down the gym 5 days a week...baby? what baby?

"I found birth to be a truly magical and spiritually uplifting experience"

I had a c-section at 37 weeks to avoid getting stretchmarks and had a tummy tuck at the same time.

"Of course I still love him, and if you don't have trust you don't have anything"

"If he so much as looks at another woman again I will chop his bollocks off1"

"I am giving up work for a few years to truly embrace being a mother"

All of my offers of work have dried up.