INSTALLING A HUSBAND

[petunia]

INSTALLING HUSBAND

Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
distinct slow down in overall system performance -- particularly in
the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under
Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs,
such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed
undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0, and Golf Clubs 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes
the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but
to no avail.
What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate
--------------

Dear Desperate,

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.
Please enter the command 'http: I Thought You Loved Me.html' and try
to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then
automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

But remember,overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0
to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1 .
Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly
Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in
the background that will eventually seize control of all your system
resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0
program.

These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited
memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider
buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We
recommend Food 3.0 and HotLingerie 7.7.

Good luck,
Tech Support

[SuperSillyus]

hee hee brilliant!

[Cocolepew]

[edam]

have sent this to dh and his (male) friend who always forwards me awful jokes.

[edam]

Got this in response!

Last year a friend of mine upgraded GirlFriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and found
that it's a memory hog leaving very little system resources for other
applications. He is only now noticing that Wife 1.0 also is spawning
Child-Processes which are further consuming valuable resources. No
mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product
brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed him that
this is to be expected due to the nature of the application.

Not only that, Wife 1.0 installs itself such that it is always lauched
at system initialization where it can monitor all other system activity.
He's finding that some applications such as PokerNight 10.3, BeerBash
2.5, and PubNight 7.0 are no longer able to run in the system at all,
crashing the system when selected (even though they always worked fine
before). At installation, Wife 1.0 provides no option as to the
installation of undesired Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw 5.8 and
BrotherInLaw Beta release. Also, system performance seems to diminish
with each passing day.

Some features he'd like to see in the upcoming wife 2.0.

A "Don't remind me again" button; a minimize button; an install shield
feature that allows Wife 2.0 be installed with the option to uninstall
at anytime without the loss of cache and other system resources; and an
option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode which would allow
the systems hardware probe feature to be much more useful.

I myself decided to avoid all of the headaches associated with Wife 1.0
by sticking with Girlfriend 2.0. Even here, however, I found many
problems. Apparently you cannot install Girlfriend 2.0 on top of
Girlfriend 1.0. You must uninstall Girlfriend 1.0 first. Other users say
this is a long standing bug which I should have been aware of.
Apparently the versions of Girlfriend have conficts over shared use of
the I/O port. You think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now.

To make matters worse, The uninstall program for Girlfriend 1.0 doesn't
work very well leaving undesirable traces of the application in the
system. Another thing that sucks -- all versions of Girlfriend
continually popup little annoying messages about the advantages of
upgrading to Wife 1.0

BUG WARNING

Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1
before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before
doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install,
claiming insufficient resources.

BUG WORK-AROUNDS *

To avoid the above bug, try installing Mistress 1.1 on a different
system and never run any file transfer applications such as Laplink 6.0.
Also, beware of similar shareware applications that have been known to
carry viruses that may affect Wife 1.0.

Another solution would be to run Mistress 1.0 via a UseNet provider
under an anonymous name. Here again, beware of the viruses which can
accidently be downloaded from the UseNet.

[Cies]

ha ha!

[sockmonkey]

LOL

[Jux]

[Tas1]

Very Good.