What David Walliams has done happened to me

[Sameoldsameold78]

I was 17, he was 31 but he had known me for a few years, he was married with a child, he groomed and wore me down over months, he knew I’d never had a boyfriend and so was flattered by the attention and felt special.

It was 30 ago but I still feel shame and feel physically sick when I think about it, he was overweight and I was absolutely tiny, sex wasn’t pleasant and he was my first of everything. I hadn’t even kissed anyone before or had anyone show any interest in me.

The David Walliams article in the Guardian was so triggering, I couldn’t read it all.

I actually messaged the disgusting fuck this year, told him it had taken me 30 years to realise he’d groomed me and I felt physically sick to think of it. I then blocked him. I hadn’t had any contact before but he was easy to find on fb. Why did I have sex with someone who I found physically repulsive?

I’ve had therapy for this but this has brought it all up again.

Hugs. I don’t know what to say. There are so many disgusting men out there. I also believe I was groomed a bit at the age of 25 with a child and ended up with the man for 20 years before he died. He controlled my life in so many ways. I wasn’t allowed to go out without him.

Oh and when it was all over he also claimed he’d had a breakdown which is why the “relationship” happened, no it’s cos he was disgusting paedophile.

Well done to all the women who have spoken up about Walliams and Brand. This predator ended up becoming quite known locally as a political figure, wish I’d had the courage to say something then.

I am so sorry. This is not your fault. That age gap, at that age, is a heck of a power differential. Absolutely you were groomed.

I am so sorry this happened to you.

Is it worth getting a couple of therapy sessions to help you? Do you have an Employee Assistance programme?

It would be very understandable and probably useful. If not (and it can make errors), some long walks and soothing chats with something AI like? (I will confess to finding this useful at times, just to help process stuff...I have the "tools" from therapy already...sometimes it is good just to vent and be validated).

Similar boat over here, except what happened to Brands victim happened to me. It's funny how it seems tucked away in it's little box and then a news story like this splits you open. Hugs OP, talk as much as you need ❤️

Thank you I have used AI and had therapy but it hasn’t stopped me feeling so angry and physically sick. It affected my relationships with my parents too as they were horrified I’d done this (different times, it was considered to have been an affair with a married man and I was the awful OW). My mum died this year and I did talk to her about this before she died and I felt we had a good chat about it. It hadn’t ever been talked about in our family before this year.

I just wish I could get the image of his fucking pathetic puppy dog eyes out of my head, I have so much hatred but that image dominates. I guess he knew exactly what he was doing.

Try EMDR therapy if you can access it. Look after yourself. Stay angry at him but forgive 17yo you.

What’s that?

I honestly think there needs to be legislation that any 25 plus cannot have a sexual relationship with anyone under 18. It’s weird creepy and intrinsically abusive.

Sending so so so much love to you and every woman triggered by these high profile cases. The world is changing but I’m so sorry this happened to you.

I’m so sorry you went through that @Sameoldsameold78 I had a similar experience with a man who was the DJ at a roller skating rink I went to. He was about 40 and I was 13. I never actually had full sex with him but he definitely groomed and sexually abused/assaulted me, and on one occasion tried to get me to have a threesome with another teenaged girl. Like you I feel totally traumatised by it to this day, even though I’m now 50. I was so young and roller skating was my world, and he seemed like a god to me at the time, when actually he was a total loser and a paedophile. Like you’ve said I feel physically sick when I think about it and I’ve found everything in the media recently very triggering.

https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/767458 closes in 4 days.

Close The Consent Gap will hopefully also launch their petition soon https://www.instagram.com/closetheconsentgap

I’m in my 50s. Every woman I know well has a story to tell. Every single one.

Whether it be grooming aged 14/15, being taken advantage of by a much older man at 16/17. Being piled with drink and assaulted at uni. Having male friends who you have known for years forcibly push boundaries. Or being sexually harassed at work.

Every woman I know well enough to have proper conversations with has something in their past. Every. Single. one.

It’s sickening.

My friend had a very very similar experience down to the parents’ reaction. I don’t know the full ins and outs of her treatment but she told me EMDR was massively helpful as talking about it was too huge as the trauma among the family had gone on for years. The resentment of her parents and everything, it was very much lingering and on the surface. EMDR you don’t talk, it’s a way of reprogramming your trauma response to certain memories- apologies if I haven’t described that well I have only had talk therapy myself but I know a bit about it. Someone will explain better soon. People with debilitating and traumatic trauma I think find EMDR helpful as it’s not as vulnerable in a sense because you’re not saying what happened in detail, a few of my friends have had it for different things (thanks, men!!) and they’re always shattered afterwards. It’s draining.

I was 16 and he was 50. He was my next door neighbour and was repulsive. Full sex.

Really agree that if an assault has left you with PTSD, EMDR can be really helpful. My PTSD was from something different, and I was really sceptical, but it was life changing.

Another person who experienced this. Except that it was my mother who pushed us together. She fancied him, and he had money.

It's so common, it happens to so many women (something similar happened to me). But that fact doesn't in any way diminish what happened to you, which was dreadful. I'm so sorry OP, I hope you find peace 💐

Thank you all so much

As has been said here. This is ridiculously common.

I think this change in law would make loads of sense.

I just wish that the innumerable enablers had some courage; but systems of power are usually careful to disable opposition to hierarchies which allow for abuse, tolerate it or actively enable it.

Me too. I was 17, he was 42. He was a local vicar, youth group leader and family friend. When I was 18 we had sex. I kept the secret for years believing I had been the other woman and had an affair (he was married). Therapy and EMDR enabled me to process what happened and deal with the lasting impacts. I now understand he abused me and abused his position of power and that he bears more of the responsibility for what happened than me. I never reported it to anyone or told anyone as I fully believed that I would be in as much trouble as him. The news lately is heavy and triggering but there is some catharsis in seeing people held accountable and understanding these are crimes.

This is all normalised by the disgusting teen industry in porn. You have titles such as barely legal with subtitles on the cover such as i still wet the bed and other equally revolting things. I grew in the 70 s and was subjected to what now would be classed as rape. And sexual asssults . All by much older men. I was 16 in 1978. All of my freinds had bad experiences. One with a radio 1 dj. He ended up in court. Rest assured there are going to be many men who are s£itting their pants looking back on their own tawdry behaviour and wondering when the knock on the door will be for them.

I am incredibly proud of myself for messaging him and for what I said.

That’s grim he did that. When I was 18 I had a fling with one of my college lecturers. Not suggesting I wasn’t a willing participant, as I was, but at 49, and with a daughter of 18, I am genuinely disgusted. And I know I wasn’t the first or last student he had sex with.