Flaking on original arrangements if you get a better offer

[SpainToday]

I am being deliberately vague here, for privacy reasons.

Earlier in the year, we booked a festive day-out event with relatives. We all agreed on the date, so DH and I booked and paid. We offered to pay, so that's fine. However over the weekend, the relatives have been invited to an extra event, which overlaps with the original event. We would need to leave the day-out just after lunch, missing half of the things we wanted to see/do, if we were going to get the relatives back in time for event 2.

I've told them we can't make it work logistically, so the ball is in their court. They are still deliberating and I'm really hurt and cross. I think this is really rude - if you have plans, then you stick to them, even if you get a better offer?

I'm on your side of this one OP - you all agreed to go, you have treated them to the tickets AND you're providing transport for them ! I would definitely be letting DH loose on them and seething quietly in the background myself.
How incredibly rude to even consider backing out of a prearranged (and paid for!) event that they are being treated to.

I feel like they don't want to miss out on the gossip and goings on in the pub...my grandparents were like this and my in laws are a bit too, where if you speak to them about something they want to tell you about someone else and you can't really get any thing from them. I put it down as an older person thing!
I would be annoyed but let it go. If you don't want to miss out on the full event I would say that to them. Do you have any friends who would like to join you instead?

Can you get a refund on or sell their tickets? DH needs to tell them you won't be transporting them back for event 2 as you will be continuing your plans. They either come with you as planned or not at all. Don't invite them to anything in the future.

Yeah it's really rude, so much so that I wonder whether there has been some sort of misunderstanding (I have this with my elderly mum, where we make a plan, I pay for tickets and then she pulls out because she hasn't really grasped that a firm plan has been made or else she gets it and then forgets).

Oh God I agree Op: this is the absolute height of bad manners.

Incredibly rude of them.

Just tell them to make up their minds. You are not prepared to change your plans to accommodate their rudeness. They come with you as planned sticking to the same schedule or they go to the pub event. You stick to your original agenda. Tell them you need a decision ASAP in order to offer their tickets elsewhere if they are not going.

Very annoying and also the fact you’ve paid for it as well. Of course they should say they already have plans. Definitely stick to your plans and don’t accommodate their plan 2. They either come or don’t come.

Of course it is OP.

Really bad form, You could agree to take them to the other event and then decide at the time you want to stay at your event. See how they feel about plans being changed.

Very rude - they have a commitment with you @SpainToday

That's really rude of them. I'd be annoyed in your shoes and quite hurt in DH's.

Really?? So say your friend who lives in your town and you see approximately once a week asks you to go out for dinner and you agree, 3 months in advance.
2 months later, your sister whom you adore but lives on the other side of the world and you haven't seen for 2 years announces a surprise visit and wedding to her new fiancé on that same day... Would you honestly say "Sorry sis, I'm really happy for you but I'm going to Pizza Express with Babs"??
I'm all for honouring your commitments but there has to be some nuance that yes, sometimes some events just are more important than others! Actually I can't stand it when people try to organise trivial things too far in advance because I know something else might come up.

(In the OPs case this doesn't seem to be true, but it's the principle of it!).

That doesn't really matter.

I'm all for keeping your options open, we do it all the time so that we can pick at the last minute or discuss known clashes between us (say, competing save the dates that might need to fit in with other things).

But it doesn't matter how grand the gesture might have been, you don't demand people curtail the enjoyment of your joint plans because you want to bail early.

Have I got this correct? You would let someone pay for a ticket for you and then cancel on them?

I agree with PP, it is bloody rude. Quite a lot of people are like this. Don't bother including them in future plans, just arrange casual things with them that don't matter if they bail out again.

I agree it’s rude, and even ruder is openly telling you to, essentially, be on stand by while they’re weighing up what they’d rather do!!

Definitely rude of your inlaws. They committed to going to your event and you committed your hard earned cash to buy them tickets. They don't get to cut your day and enjoyment short by expecting you to ferry them home half way through the day.
Your DH needs to tell them they either come for the whole event or back out completely and you'll use their tickets for someone else. But they need to decide now. And if they prioritise a minor social engagement with friends above your day out you'll know exactly how they prioritise family - or not.

They are being exceptionally rude!

I agree with you @SpainToday

As a general principle, whatever is on the calendar first, takes priority.
I think there are exceptions, and times when the new event might take priority, but they really are exceptions not to be used casually.

Are you able to take someone else to the day, so the tickets aren't wasted ?

It would certainly mean I wouldn't book things for them in future.

Yup! Happens a lot in our family too. We've stopped asking now 🙄