Flaking on original arrangements if you get a better offer

[SpainToday]

I am being deliberately vague here, for privacy reasons.

Earlier in the year, we booked a festive day-out event with relatives. We all agreed on the date, so DH and I booked and paid. We offered to pay, so that's fine. However over the weekend, the relatives have been invited to an extra event, which overlaps with the original event. We would need to leave the day-out just after lunch, missing half of the things we wanted to see/do, if we were going to get the relatives back in time for event 2.

I've told them we can't make it work logistically, so the ball is in their court. They are still deliberating and I'm really hurt and cross. I think this is really rude - if you have plans, then you stick to them, even if you get a better offer?

They are elderly and its too far for them to drive. All of us really wanted to attend this event, it wasn't cheap but we were happy to treat them. Its at quite a remote location so public transport isn't an option. But even if they could drive themselves there and back, isn't it a bit rude to flake on Plan A like this?

Well it depends on what the other plan is

Its a minor social event with some other relatives, not a wedding, christening or birthday. If the boot had been on the other foot, I would have said 'thank you, but we already have plans.' Isn't that the polite thing to do?

If they have their own transport I think it’s fine, ye can have some time to yourselves too which is nice imo.

Christmas is one of those times lots of vents fall together so I understand their dilemma.

What I wouldn’t do is leave early to suit them, they come and stay or don’t come (& refund ye)

Yeah I agree with you op.

I think it really depends on what the other plan is, and what your event it.
If your event is something that could happen at any time, and the new one it a one-off and very important event like a wedding or a 100th birthday party of a close friend or something, then it's unfortunate but they are not being unreasonable. Sometimes new plans just do trump old in terms of importance.
If it's not on that level then you are not being unreasonable to be upset.

Eta posted before I saw your update

The only thing that you can bale on for an already agreed invitation is a funeral, or an invitation from the King. Anything else is downright rude. Once you’ve accepted an invitation, it’s a commitment.

They sort their own transport. Simple as that.

Yes rude.

Could it be they don't feel able to manage a full day and the other thing is an excuse?

It's bloody rude OP. I would tell them to decide today which event they are going to, then give their tickets to someone else if they choose the subsequent event. No mucking around with the timings.

Yes they are inlaws, we usually get on fine with them. Our event is a big Christmas event, (and quite pricey) and Plan B is a minor social gathering in their local pub. DH is not happy about this at all, he is more cross than me.

Did they really want to go to the big event?
Perhaps as they didn't have plans at the time they agreed, but now something smaller has come up and perhaps they regularly visit the pub so would be with people they enjoy spending more of their time with.
I get the feeling your event is perhaps a big grand gesture.

Yes they definitely want to go to the big event, we would have gone last year but FIL had surgery.

But even if they would now prefer their pub event, THEY ALREADY HAVE PLANS!!!!

I think it’s very rude . If you’ve got plans that you made ages ago , you should honour those plans . In your case OP, I’d put the ball in their court and suggest selling the tickets if they can’t/ don’t want to go.
Another point is if they’re elderly , are they not wanting to do stuff which is not local .

I can't imagine a situation where I wouldn't say "it's booked and paid for, it's really rude to cancel for a better offer". In your situation I'd get DH to say it, but there's no one I'd tiptoe around pretending it was all OK.

That’s very rude of them OP, their answer should have been to the second event, sorry we already have plans , or they go later if possible after your event is done.

I totally agree with you, OP. Sounds like they want to cut the day in half, but you’d already booked and paid for it. Very rude indeed. Of course they should have just declined the second invitation. They weren’t free.

It’s very rude. I don’t even let my kids cancel original plans if they are offered something better. You stick to your commitments and don’t let people down, that’s our values though 🤷‍♀️

Bail, not bale.

I think given the two events involved I'm with you 100% OP.
At the very least they should offer to reimburse you, but it isn't so much the money as the umm-ing and ahh-ing over potentially rejecting your kind offer and gift of a day out with you all at your expense.
It is poor form and very rude.