Friend not replied for 24 hours - what do you generally think?

[bobiwien]

Are you annoyed? Worried?

This is just a chat, looking for what conclusion people jump to first.

And would you ‘chase’ after such a time?

Nothing. They’re busy.

Unless I was asking a time sensitive question this wouldn't even be on my radar tbh

One of my friends I’d be concerned as she often seems to reply before I’ve even put my phone down after messaging. It would be absolutely unheard of for her not to reply for 24 hours.

Nobody else would concern me though as it’s not that long. Unless of course the last message was something concerning.

Nothing I hope. (I'm crap at replying to things. Like, really really crap. Can take weeks. So I'm a bit biased here.)

I usually conclude they've probably been killed in some sort of accident, but they never have.

My thought would be they're busy, put your phone down and get on with other things until there's a reason to be in touch again. Unless they're very old or ill or you're the next of kin and they're actually missing IRL, there's no reason to be worried.

It would depend upon how rapidly they usually reply.

My friends and I can take weeks to reply to one another. We don’t demand proof of life after 24 hours.

Nor do we worry whether a slow response means someone’s pissed off with us or giving us the silent treatment.

I’ve known people who will scold me like a child or, worse, insist on having full blown state of the relationship conversations if I don’t reply to their texts within the day.

I am not the right friend for anyone with these expectations.

MN has taught me that there are enough people out there with high communication needs that they should have no trouble finding each other and rapid-fire texting happily ever after, without needing to trouble the rest of us.

Depends on the friend and the friendship and the message.

I have friends where the messages are continuous conversation so I might check in within a couple of hours

Others are it's a distant conversation and it's a slow game of tennis and replies are usually within 2-48h but often see them in person in the meantime. I might chase in person

Other messages are more akin to old fashioned letter writing in which case replies are longer and take more time to craft and it's rarely less than 3 days to reply to them some times a week or more

Is there actually a reason to be concerned? Such as they always message when they get home from work, they went on a date with a stranger, they have a health condition, they live alone and wfh? If not then I would wait a couple of days and message again or call them. But for my own friends, up to 2 weeks is pretty normal unless it’s urgent

It would depend on their normal pattern of replying. I have friends that are usually instantaneous and friends who can take days.

I wouldn’t think anything other than they’re busy and will get to it eventually. I don’t always reply to people the same day. Sometimes it can be several days later.

If the message was about dinner plans for 2 hours from now, I’d sent a follow up message. If it’s just about something inane, I’d just assume they’ll get around to it when they have a chance to sit down and breathe.

That’s me - I don’t reply for days. I’m busy, my time is not someone else’s and I’m not available all the time. I’ll reply when I can. I’ll be looking after my kids, working, cooking, sleeping 8 hours, exercising , reading, cleaning, washing, gardening, literally living and I do not put anything above it. Messaging people back overwhelms me - I do it when I’m ready and have the headspace . I’ve ditched friends before who would reply a few hours later with ? Or something like that!

I get it it a reply is urgent like an arrangement but just a chat- I’ll do it in my own time

Usually fairly rapidly

I'd assume they're busy, I wouldn't be annoyed or worried.

I would guess that they're busy / unwell/ had an emergency/ broke their phone . I'm sure they'll reply when they're able to.

I would definitely send another message, in that case.

I expect they have just forgotten to respond but, yes, message again.

I wouldn’t give it a second thought.

Is there a reason you need a reply, OP?

I’d assume they were busy, but me and many of my friends don’t reply right away. If it’s unusual then it’s a bit different.

Depends who the friend is, usually rate of replying, what the message was about.

I usually give it a couple of days. I messaged her saying i was worried after no reply for three days she said she thought she had replied then forgot.

I only ever text people to make arrangements, send congrats or condolences, or to check how they are if I know something big has happened or about to happen - eg first day new job, operation. Very occasionally I'll send someone an article or job ad I think might interest them, or a holiday photo if it's something lovely and unusual. So I don't really expect responses to everything on a schedule. If I was trying to arrange something or there was something big going on, I guess I'd text again a few days later.

I wouldn't be either. It's normal for my friends (and me!). I'd only chase if I'd asked something that required an answer