Sons as fathers - so chuffin’ chuffed

[Grandtanny]

Am just going to shout this here to save me boring the bejesus out of everyone. Darling grandson is two months today and my boy has been such a fabulous father and partner. Chuffin’ delighted.

He has been a major arse at sometimes in his life and for a while was a bit muscles and men’s rights then here he is a father to his partner’s first girl and to their baby. and here he is their biggest supporter and the most hands on father and household load carrier. He was already doing so well
with the first role but parenting a cheerful 6 year old is easy compared to a baby. His mates are mainly at uni and he has embraced grown up life instead but for him it seems such a great choice. Two kids at 20 - nearly 21- seems pretty retro but wow it has been a pleasure watching him and his beautiful family over the past few months.

You must be a fab Mum to have brought up such a lovely young man ❤️

It’s lovely to read about your pride in your son and equally, you sound like a massive support to him and his little family.

Hope I am a fab mum. Certainly feel close to my children and yeah I am a support but there are to me too:) We had four generations for lunch today and it was a whole load of cute!

@ByOchrePoet I did indeed say that his partner is older. He is 21 before the year is out but yup he is young for two kids. There are seven years between them. Took them by surprise - she did some work for him and it started there. There is no big gotcha - it’s a very healthy relationship for them both and they adore each other and bring their best selves to their relationship. He is six foot four rugby player who probably looks closer to thirty and his other flings were with women a few years older. He has worked throughout his A levels and since and has been really successful so while he has his old mates who are at uni his work friends are all older. So you can’t see where it is going as a glib dismissal of him or them. They have every chance and their pride and respect for each other predicts good things if how you start says anything about how you end.

Goodness @ByOchrePoet that is some derail. I didn’t focus on the age gap because it’s an irrelevance- watching my son’s absolute delight in being a parent twice over has been a wonderful thing to see. That is what I was celebrating.

Pedophila is an attraction to prepubescent children and by year 9 mine had stopped growing and had a beard. Yes he looked pretty ridiculous but there are always a few who hit puberty early.

It’s a really gross thing to allude to but you started off wanting to judge his partner’s presumed teen pregnancy so I guess sensationalism is your thing. There was no workplace exploitation -actually he was technically in the higher position but she was only a temporary hire.

At 18 you are an adult and while I will allow that some 18/19 year olds are still very young for their age others are not. My son was a capable, experienced and independent adult who was well positioned to make his own choices. He had lived abroad playing his sport and come home to an excellent, related job. They are a very lovely young couple with friends and family who are delighted for them.

Thanks again to those who have shared more positive tales and enjoyed my mother/ granny delight. Wishing you all much happiness.

But he isn’t the older one’s parent - he is her mother’s boyfriend.

How old was he when he was into his ‘muscles and misogyny’ phase? Because that’s a hell of a turnaround.

I presume they weren’t together long before she got pregnant. So he would have been, what, 17/18 when they got together? It seems odd for a person in their 20s who already has one child to have a relationship with a teenager.

(Also how many flings can you have had by 17/18)?

@Anarchy99 how many flings by 18 as a talk, athletic pro athlete? Well if he accepted a fraction of the offers…. He is nearly 21 now and they have had a bit over two years together. My whole delight in how well it is going is a recognition that it’s not the most conventional start to parenthood / long lasting relationships )they were pretty much FWBs at the start) so it is a delight to see their happiness and just how well he is doing. The muscles and men’s rights was when he was maybe 13-15 ish and was not uncommon in his cohort. It wasn’t the only way he was a bugger so again I really appreciate how beautifully he has matured.

I don’t think there is any such thing as being merely the mother’s boyfriend when you live with a young fatherless child. He is functionally a father to his partner’s daughter. Her biological dad is not present in her life at all. She adores him and has asked to call him dad. Before he moved in they had discussed that his involvement was long term that even if they split he would still have appropriate contact. My sister did this with her ‘step son’ and although she was never married to his dad they remain close and she is his ‘mum’ and recently attended his wedding as such. Another friend’s ex husband still took alternate weekends with her two boys who were unrelated to him. I would rather see my son looking at the child not the genes and she is part of our family now too. It’s very lovely and not at all ‘odd’ when you see them together.

We had all four generations together last Friday and that was super special too.

As someone who was raised by "mums boyfriend" (who was then her husband, then sadly later her ex husband), if he is committed to being in that role whatever happens in the relationship that shouldn't be dismissed. My dad may not be related to me my blood but he is very much my parent.
I think it was about 3 years before he adopted me, and I called him dad from that day on. That was getting on for 40 years ago. He and my mum divorced 25 years ago. He is still my dad.

And I was raised by the man my mum married - I am also adopted and he is and always will be my dad. So it isn’t just about that necessarily.

The fact she embarked on a relationship with a teenager when she was mid 20s is the odd thing. And why would she have a baby with him so soon (OP mentioned 18 months?).

It just sounds like everything has happened within a relatively short period of time.

I hope it works out but it’s too soon to know anything yet.

You focussed on his age and his dodgy misogyny period in your OP. Perhaps if you had said all the stuff about him being a responsible man who has done x, y and z, people would be more understanding.

She’s already said the partner is older. I do think basic standards require reading the thread before having a go, to see if maybe the critical comment you want to make is a load of rubbish? Because only one person looks bad here and it’s not the ops son or his partner.

20/21 is very young to have a child these days. Men at that age are especially immature. Glad he’s trying his best though. Don’t be surprised if he makes mistakes.

You’ve obviously raised him well, OP.
My grandad had two children by 22. So did a lot of men and women back in the day. So why now, if they are financially stable, is it considered such a terrible idea? True, lots of people get divorced, but I don’t see that being more likely than people who met in their late thirties and then had children. Parenting is just hard on relationships.

Exactly @Budgiedrama (intriguing name?!)
Parenting is hard on relationships. Parenting six year olds is hard. New babies are hard. Older siblings are hard. New babies and older siblings are hard. A timetable of classes, work and life is hard to balance and a good start to all that is a wonderful thing to see. He has been full of love and care while living with them but he has gone up another level. And the baby is so lovely - it’s gorgeous all round:)

God, some of you are so miserable.

I’m a woman who had two at 20. First in horrible circumstances, second and third with my DP.

My dad has told me he’s proud of me because he’s a normal, loving parent who wants to encourage his child.

Not at my graduation or any special occasion, just felt like recognising that he’s proud things turned out well.

OP has every right to praise her son for being a great dad.

My lovely dad was a father at 19 (mum 27) and was an amazing father for almost fifty years. He wasn't perfect he made mistakes and life wasn't easy but he was a devoted father and husband and is missed dearly. I am sharing this to show some do manage it and you should be proud to bring your son up the way you have x

But there’s no indication he’s a ‘great dad’.

Yes there is…it’s in the OP.

my boy has been such a fabulous father

and

he is their biggest supporter and the most hands on father and household load carrier

There is clear testimony there for you.

But the ‘evidence’ for this is that he cooks and cleans and does night wakings ‘when he can’, and once took the baby with him to the six year old’s cookery class to give his partner a rest, ie perfectly standard stuff that no one would be admiring if a woman did it.

I simply don’t understand coming onto a thread where a mother is praising her child to be negative. Genuinely why?

He’s a young man who’s caring for a stepchild also, that’s beyond what most men (or women) his age are prepared to take on.

If you think women aren’t praised enough then the solution is to offer praise to women in your own life and recognise them, not put others down.

Because this particular mother is totally deluded?

And the testimony is made by a loving mother who can’t see why people are rightly concerned by the situation.