Sons as fathers - so chuffin’ chuffed

[Grandtanny]

Am just going to shout this here to save me boring the bejesus out of everyone. Darling grandson is two months today and my boy has been such a fabulous father and partner. Chuffin’ delighted.

He has been a major arse at sometimes in his life and for a while was a bit muscles and men’s rights then here he is a father to his partner’s first girl and to their baby. and here he is their biggest supporter and the most hands on father and household load carrier. He was already doing so well
with the first role but parenting a cheerful 6 year old is easy compared to a baby. His mates are mainly at uni and he has embraced grown up life instead but for him it seems such a great choice. Two kids at 20 - nearly 21- seems pretty retro but wow it has been a pleasure watching him and his beautiful family over the past few months.

Or, it’s a proud mum and nana who just wants to celebrate her son and grandchild…you could just be happy for them or scroll by

He is 20 not 12

It's not splitting hairs, there's a very definite difference.

His decisions suggest a suboptimal level of maturity.

Only another 17 years 10 months to keep it up.

Men rights, indeed. 🤣

What is that difference?

Lovely.
I will also say that I don’t know a single mother who has a bad word to say about their son..
My MIL tells me her son is a wonderful father however I do nearly everything; for our child and for her son; he financially provides to some degree but I am carrying all of us most of the time. He works away, says yes to everything, does things like start a doctorate even though I’m not on board. I wouldn’t marry her son if I had my time again!

Id be mindful that you probably don’t know the full story; and no one is perfect. I also think if your son hasn’t had a brilliant father male role model, he probably isn’t as good as you think he is.

That he hasn’t married his girlfriend.
Legally it’s a huge difference to everyone involved, particularly the girlfriend.

There are fathers who aren’t married to mothers. There are married stepparents who don’t take an active role. At this present time, he has taken on the role and responsibilities of raising that child, alongside her mother- that makes him her stepfather.

Me too then? I had a kid at 20 and I’m perfectly happy at 39, still married to his dad, own my own home, working, son is in uni…

I don’t see the issue in having a child at 20

I don’t see having a job, home ownership or still being in a relationship with your child’s father as evidence of anything.

of course you are correct that life happens on a spectrum full of variety. But from a sociological perspective for all involved in the family group, the life chances of all involved are better if parents are married. I think being married also suggests a definite choice with fixed intent has been made by the parents. There is certainly statistically more chance of them staying as a family unit if the parents are married; and the legal protections offered by marriage in the event of divorce also protects the partner who does most of the home work and child care. I think most would agree that a man who married his girlfriend was a stronger candidate for the worlds’ best family man, than one who was not married. Even if he was a present and participating parent and partner.

You’ve said that having a child at 20 is a sign of immaturity…but clearly it isn’t, it was the first of a series of choices that I made that led me to have a full and happy life.

Not all teenage boys go through the Andrew Tate phase. I raised my 20 year old son without his dad & he’s always been a very loving & respectful son & brilliant big brother to his younger sister (different dad). He likes going to the gym & doing weights but hates all the incel/misogyny crap. Don’t tar them all with the same brush.

Well I do think some of you would be more fun on a night out than others but I will acknowledge there is an interesting point about the praise lavished on men for jobs women do without comment. Indeed it’s something we all discussed after a MW was overly focused on my son’s sleep after his partner’s labour! But erm I mean I am proud of his partner too and would be equally proud of a daughter doing so well because a few months in to parenting a baby and a child can se many people struggling. My mum was proud of me - we need more shared feelings of joy and celebration and pride. It’s the good stuff in life and can exist alongside critical thinking.

He isn’t immature or playing. He is parenting and living his life well. They plan to marry but obviously that means little in terms of commitment and actually they plan to buy a house first. He had a great dad / role model and is the only boyfriend introduced to his partner’s daughter. I was a little circumspect initially but the past 18months or so has shown what a fab job he can do and what a fab family they are.

Thanks for the celebratory posts and shared stories. May we all get the joy of seeing our children doing what makes them happy and bringing happiness to those around them.

I'm glad they're allowed to now. As a kid, I remember screaming the "secure in his manhood cos he's a real man" at someone for making mean comments about one of my male friends actually liking the idea of looking after kids, and paternity rights weren't a thing for my dad. I know there's some people who think childcare is just a woman's job still, but that seems to be changing.

That’s lovely to read. You must be so proud of h x

Doesn't it just

@Grandtanny My mum was proud of me - we need more shared feelings of joy and celebration and pride. It’s the good stuff in life and can exist alongside critical thinking.

I couldn’t agree more, and well done you for coming back into the thread with such a measured post after the raft of negativity.

If you’d posted how proud you were of how your 20 year old DD was doing as a mother after a difficult few teenage years this would’ve been a different thread imo. The people who would just write her off as too young would probably still wade in, but there would be fewer people questioning how much she was really doing, effectively disbelieving you and assuming you aren’t seeing the true picture simply due to her sex as has happened because you are talking about a DS.

Congratulations! Being a grandmother is the most wonderful experience.
Both me and my DD had our first child at 20 years of age and neither of us regret it. Sadly my ex was a total twat who abandoned my children but her husband is a star.
its lovely to hear your story, love and Blessings to you all.

so she had her first kid when she was 13/14?

I think I can see where this is going

You seem like a lovely mum and it’s nice to see how your son has found his way in life.

I know a young guy who started similarly and when expecting their first baby at 20 so many people wrote him off. They now have 4 gorgeous kids and he’s a great dad and partner. It’s lovely to see.

She didn’t.

I doubt you can.

It is wonderful and I do feel blessed. When I became a mum my parents were too old to be the grandparents I imagined them as. Being quite a young gran seems a treat.

Is your Son dating a much older woman then? She has a 6 year old and your son is 20

I definitely can.