Parents moving in with their adult children.

[WhatsItAllForAnyway]

I've noticed a couple of very recent threads along the lines of adult children moving in. The two specific ones I'm thinking of are an adult son in urgent need, and an adult talking about moving back with parents just to save rent (rather than in an emergency). It seems the overwhelming majority feel that they would always let their child stay with them, especially in an emergency, but not quite so much in the latter case. I know I'd always have an open door for my children in an emergency.

This has given me curiosity if people feel just as open to the idea of their parents staying with them in a crisis, or just moving in with them at all. So, what do you think? Would you feel just as open to your parents moving in with you as you would be for your children? Are you more open to your children moving in with you than your parents? Does it cut both ways or not?

Sounds like he could be in a vulnerable position. I’m sure if this situation involved in-laws people wouldn’t recommend the woman doing it

Absolutely agree. Things can change in an instant. Not ruling out that scenario either.

Absolutely no way that would cramp my style massively tripping over my parents in my own home, if the in-laws moved in I’d move out.
I would expect them to always welcome me with open arms though and the in-laws but then my parents brought me into the world so.

Any adult or child in my family in need would be welcome. Several times I have taken in my brother for a few months to help him get back on his feet (redundancy meaning he needed to take a new job in the city I lived in / relationship breakdown meaning he needed to leave the shared flat).

Me and my DH purposely bought a bigger house following a discussion about always wanting a home our kids knew they could come back to as we expect that it’s realistic they will bounce back and forth in the twenties or even thirties due to things like relationship breakdown or wanting to save up for a mortgage. My sister also moved in with me (rent free) for a year to escape an abusive relationship.

FWIW I am eternally grateful to my parents for having this policy as it meant I left a violent relationship to go live at home for a year. My DH was also able to leave an extremely unhappy marriage because his parents offered him a space at theres, he only stayed a few weeks and then found alternative accommodation but without that would have been trapped in a relationship that wasn’t good for the kids to see. For his ex having the home to herself and a clean break was best too and I see so many threads on here where the partner won’t leave and they’re both miserable but neither have anywhere else to go to. I want all my children to know they have a home here whenever they need it so that they never feel trapped in relationships.

as an addendum though, parents moving in because they want long term care is a different conversation as it’s a permanent move rather than temporary (which in my view could be as much as a few years).

How long would you keep this house? What if health/financial reasons meant you couldn’t cope with it

In my view, living in some else's house doesn't work, and could feel very suffocating. So it would be a hard 'no' to another generation moving in with me - or me with them.

I have had my parents (divorced) stay at times, once due to flood damage. My parent is disabled and I have them stay for a few weeks at a time. I couldn’t make it permanent. DC however could move back in.
with parents there’s a different set of circumstances, furniture and belongings to consider

There is a big difference between temporary and permanent.

There is also a big difference to the levels of love, I love my DS far more than I have ever loved either parent or in law, it’s beyond measure. It never came to it, my heritage is one of those where inter generational households is very normal.but I was born and raised here. I think cultural expectations and growing up in a different culture really can mess with some minds.

There is also personality. My Father would have been the least of an issue to live with worst would be MIL and DH agrees totally with this and he really loves her but she is incredibly peculiar with her habits. My Father was a very quiet man, he would have sat reading most of the day and not being a bother but would have liked to cook dinner often, he had a restaurant so very welcome to do so.

I would only let my parents stay in a genuine emergency. My in laws would be welcome for 3-6 months but mainly because they have a dog and that would actually be more difficult than them.
However we have space to do this. I also wouldnt provide care.
My children will always be welcome and will always make sure we live in a house where this is an option.
I think there are so many nuances for these situations. Mainly how well you get on originally and how much space you have to offer.
I would move heaven and earth for my children though.

I had to move home, just me, when mortgage rates pushed me out of home ownership, but I didn't even need to ask, always been clear I'd be welcomed and I was. When Mum died, I lived happily with Dad, so much so that when I met DH we bought so Dad could have his own space and it worked brilliantly. Our family have often had to house various members of the family, with one rule, don't take the piss out of the offer or you're out regardless and on the whole it works.

Dd yes.

Mum now wouldn’t happen as she has advanced dementia but even before that it would have been a no. She was too determined that we had to spend every millisecond together if we were in the house together and it was too much even just for a week. She once found a house she thought would be perfect for us as it was basically two flats (though only one kitchen) but when I pointed out I’d never be allowed to spend time in my lounge she agreed with a laugh. (I was in my 20s at the time.)

No dc so I couldn’t say, but no way could I have parents on either side move in. I very much appreciate my own space. My dm recently died and brutally, it was a relief. I’m very grateful she never succumbed to dementia and was reasonably independent til the last. I felt very guilty that other family members were very supportive due to geography and I moved hours away as a youngster.

My children will always have a home with us if they need it. My own parents and in laws feel the same way.

We deliberately bought a house big enough that our parents could eventually move in with us if they needed to but both sets of parents would avoid that as long as they possibly could (having cared for elderly parents in their homes themselves)

I envy those of you who have such welcoming parents. I was out with some people the same age as my parents today. I told them about not being able to stay with my parents for a weekend if I visited. None of them would even think to not have their children stay for a weekend.

Either my father or father in law would be more than welcome to stay here if it was needed (mil and dm both passed away). Possibly both, but that would be a squeeze. I know that if I said to my dad we need to stay at yours, he’d make up the spare bedrooms without a moments hesitation.

My eldest has just turned 18 and, being older in his year group, is not at the leaving home for university stage (not sure he’s interested in university!) but he, and his brother, will ALWAYS be welcome in our house, for short stays and longer term. I don’t even need to ponder the idea. DS1 has ADHD and ASD and, while he’s incredibly bright, he struggles with the day to day stuff, so he might be here for some time to come anyway!

I’m sorry your parents don’t want you to stay over for even a weekend. It must be hurtful. And I would definitely say it’s unusual.

IL have us stop with them - my parents have always made it hard to see them and epxected us to stop elsehwere and travle right to their front door.

I don't think either of us could live with our parents for any length of time or deal with IL. Nearer now they are older could probably cope with.

I think main rean is they need/want/expect to be in charge and tell us how to live.

I think we'd always have the kids back - but even when they are bossy,opinionated with us the dynamic is different less controlling.

In laws are both dead now however we seriously discussed having MIL with us so yes I can say hand on heart we would have done for MIL FIL passed 22 years ago and we never had that discussion, also inlaws were well off so less of an issue for the pair of them. With MIL it was because she was on her own.

My father's both live in my birth country so not really possible neither woild want to live in the UK (my mum is dead) and honestly I am less certain I would be up for that idea. However neither of them wants to leave their home . I suspect with bio dad he would want to live with my sister rather than me. Bonus dad would likely want me more than sister but not in the UK

My 4 children are welcome any time I tell them over and over. As long as I have a home there is a bed for you. It may be an air mattress in the lounge but we will work it out . You can always come home and I will always be home for them.

I think bonus dad still views his home (my childhood home) as my home too and would take me anyday. Bio dad I honestly don't know. I've not lived with him since I was 5 and I am mid 50s now.

I think it is more common with people from certain cultures. I remember going to Germany in the 1970s. Every family seemed to have their parents up in the attic.

The younger people blamed the oldies for the war, so maybe that's why they were kept in the loft.