Parents moving in with their adult children.

[WhatsItAllForAnyway]

I've noticed a couple of very recent threads along the lines of adult children moving in. The two specific ones I'm thinking of are an adult son in urgent need, and an adult talking about moving back with parents just to save rent (rather than in an emergency). It seems the overwhelming majority feel that they would always let their child stay with them, especially in an emergency, but not quite so much in the latter case. I know I'd always have an open door for my children in an emergency.

This has given me curiosity if people feel just as open to the idea of their parents staying with them in a crisis, or just moving in with them at all. So, what do you think? Would you feel just as open to your parents moving in with you as you would be for your children? Are you more open to your children moving in with you than your parents? Does it cut both ways or not?

What do you think op?

interesting
unless they were aged i dont think it would happen

For brevity, I left my own thoughts out of it. I have commented in the other threads though, so it's not a hidden secret.

I would always be there for my children in an emergency. My parents wouldn't be there for me on the whole. I'm not allowed to stay with them if I visit for a weekend. I would let my children stay with me for the weekend. My children say they would be happy for me to live with them. They may change their minds, which is fair enough as far as I'm concerned. They're allowed their privacy with their families. It would be a last resort for me to impose on them like that anyway. My parents are not going to live with me. Ever. My mother will quickly forget whose house it is and my father has other issues.

I once considered that of course I would house my parents in an emergency, families help each other. Their own attitude to that has changed my perspective and made me feel okay to say no to them.

To quote my mother when I had young children: "If there is a natural disaster and you have to sleep in the community hall with all the other families, then that's what you do. You can't use my house as a place to stay." I can't imagine taking that approach with my children. They can come to mine in that situation even if it's difficult.

I’d take either DCs or DM if I had to, but I don’t think I’d be jumping through hoops at the prospect. I’ve got used to my own space and I feel truly relaxed for the first time in my life.

I’d have zero issues with my folkes moving in but not necessarily the IL and I think the feeling would be reciprocated with my DW.

Kids are both ours so they would be welcome forever however same issue arises if they have a partner that you don’t get along with

I do think we are looking at the return to multi generational housing and these discussions will be more common

Well I'm assuming that with current future outlook for dc's job markets they will be living with us until 50 (currently they are in primary).

Parents, yes if we had room. But we don't. If they wanted to buy us a bigger house then yes but we would need to also hire people in to help clean and care for them once they need that as DH and I both work out of the house full time.

Most of these threads are about temporary accommodation until DC get back on their feet. I assume most parents offering aren’t elderly either, my parents had downsized to 1 bedroom accommodation when in their 80s so wouldn’t have been able to offer help at that point

With respect to parents moving in, many threads about that involve parents moving in on a permanent basis which is a different thing altogether. I wouldn’t/couldn’t manage that. But in fairness if adult DS needed to move back to us he could but I wouldn’t be seeing it as a permanent thing and would be encouraging/supporting him to get his own accommodation as soon as possible

plenty of dc come back to their parents.

Yes, but are those children just as welcoming of their parents coming to them?

Absolutely and did work both ways. It’s what families should do imho.

I would happily have my mum living here, she offen visits for 4-6 weeks at a time and we miss her a great deal when she isn’t here. We have told her the invite is there if she wants to, or there’s a care need and she’d rather live here with carers rather than alone with carers/in a home.

My in laws moved in for 2 months this year, unexpectedly as sudden work needed done on their house. It was fine, in fact it was rather lovely. They are kind funny respectful people, we have the room, we both wft, no kids at home anymore. They occasionally looked at rental properties but it wasn’t really worth it, though would have done if it had gone on longer.

our dog was ecstatic

we had one misunderstanding nut that was it.

full time moving in, we’d consider it, but very much depends on the circumstances. It wouldn’t be a disaster.

friends have had parents move in permanently in the 2 cases were it’s gone very wrong, there was a pre-existing bad relationship and frankly it had disaster written all over it and really has gone wrong. One is incredibly needy and controlling and difficult….the other moved miles away and left her friends on the promise she’d see more of her sons and grandchildren, that just didn’t happen. She’s moved back.

Yes both ways. If my parents needed care or if my mum died I’d have my dad. Mum wouldn’t want to even if dad died. But if she was seriously ill she would I guess. Adult kids could also come home if needed but on a temporary basis for sure as adults need their own space.
Too many people want to get their parents house when they die but don’t want to support them when elderly and frail. Which is sad.

Your first paragraph is probably closer to an equivalent of an adult child moving back in an emergency. I do think that, in an ideal world families pull together like this. My parents seem to have missed that memo though. I guess I'm lucky to have never needed them in that way.

I am going to eventually have my mum move in. But I am Asian, and elders are as important as the DC. I love my mum and she has always been a great mum who has her own life. I don't ever want to live with my MIL though! She's needy and controlling.

Even with my mum being as great as she is, it will be difficult. It's hard to live with others as you get older. I find it hard to live with my adult DC.
My one iron clad rule: no partners of Dc will ever be living with me!

My parents wouldn’t manage in my house due to all the stairs and lack of space, however if they needed to live with me I’d give up my room and sleep on the sofa if I needed to. They’ve looked out for me my whole life and would give up everything for me and my kids, I’d do anything for them.

Yes, I would have parents, adult children, in laws, and our brothers to move in . I could not refuse anyone in need. There would need to be an end date in sight for anyone except our children though!!!

My kids are at uni so expect a lot of coming and going in next 10 years anyway. They know home is always home to them. They're both v independent so can't imagine they would want to stay with us for long, even though we would be fine with it.

In an emergency, yes.

Because they can’t live alone and would need care from me - wouldn’t even consider it.

Your parents sound pretty awful, OP.
They won't let you stay for a weekend?

Both of our DC have moved back in with us at various times and they have also both made it very clear that they would also reciprocate e.g. when we recently moved house they both offered us to stay in the event of selling before we had found something to buy.

Absolutely, my dad could move in with us if he needed to - I would never see him with nowhere to go. But living with my dad would not ever be my living arrangement of choice because we are not very compatible - he likes the house to be boiling hot, for example! We'd make it work if we had to, though.

DD would be genuinely welcome at any time, regardless of whether it was a want or a need. We find it very easy to be in her company and she is very easy going about stuff.

DC would always be welcome. I don’t really understand parents who wouldn’t help their DC in the short term/emergency- when I have seen this there is usually a step parent involved.

My parents in an emergency/short term (but would be very unlikely).

DH and I have always said to each other we'd support our parents when needed.

We are financially a bit better off and so we do offer to pay for the odd private medical appointment etc. Or treat the family to things you might expect parents to pay for adult children.

Our next house will ideally have an annexe, but if someone needed a roof now then it'd be fine. Although I would imagine it'd be a painful adjustment period.

I think it is rarer because many people in their 30s are not as wealthy as their parents. Also likely more time poor. Trying to keep heads above water with young kids and a big mortgage is a big enough task without supporting others.

My mum and dad have just sold the family home snd bought a big house with my brother :) I’m so excited to have them five minutes instead of five hours away.

No, they've made that clear. Get on the plane, go visit them, rent a holiday home nearby, rent a car. Why make the effort when that's how welcome I am?