DP eats his food too quickly

[rangelina]

DP eats his food like it's about snatched away from him.

He can eat a full plate of food maybe twice as fast as me. I'm not a slow eater. He will always finish his plate before anyone else on the table.

He shovels the food down and doesn't pause between eating.

If we're eating at home then fine it's not a big issue. But I do find it really annoying when we go out for a nice meal and he's scoffing his food down in a really uncouth manner and then will say things like "I win". Then I'm sat eating my food and feeling like I am slow.

Inevitably a nice dinner out lasts less than an hour because he eats so quickly!

I've tried being nice and joking that no one is going to take his food away, there is no rush or he can order another course if he's hungry. He wasn't raised with any siblings and wasn't raised poor, with both parents having good table manners.

Has anyone else experienced this?

He is an idiot. Sorry.
I would go out a friend instead and enjoy the time out.

I have one speed of eating and hate being told to slow down. I eat properly not holding forks like shovels though

I know someone who shovels food in, no idea why.
Why does he need to ‘win’? Does he realise that eating with you isn’t a competition?
You could enter him for one of those bizarre eating competitions…as many cream crackers in a minute sort of thing.

It's horrible to watch as well! I have a friend like this and now actively try not to look at him eating so fast because it puts me off my food. Then when he has bolted down his food, he stares at me eating my meal like he is a hungry labrador dog scrounging for food.

The eating fast habit is hard to break - he may not want to change.

The “I win” comments are more of an issue. Who exactly is he competing with and why? Have you told him it’s not a race? Or play into it and present him with a 1st place sticker and an “awww well done darling!”. He might realise how ridiculous he’s actually being.

@rangelina
My DP is exactly the same but he doesn't say I win.

After 20yrs I'm used to his little foibles but eating like he's been starved is still strange.

Its the same if we go out for a meal, I actually can't look at him or I find myself speeding up too 😅

When we first got together he'd suggest I order his "2nd choice" as I don't have a big appetite.

Seriously, I've never had a meal with him that he hasnt polished off when I've had enough.

He'll actually pick up his empty plate ready to swap his plate for mine and say "finished?"

The weirdest thing is he'll use my knife and fork too, ya know, the fork that's been in my mouth 🤢

In reality he's a lovely, decent, kind person but has weird table etiquette.

My friend does this but no "i win". I eat slowly. He says it doesnt bother him and to eat at my speed. He says it comes fron his brothers stealing his food when he was younger. There is normally a reason.

This. I'm generally a fast eater but I was the youngest of 4 - if I left anything nice on my plate to savour last, it would be pinched before I got to it. Timing also comes into it - if you had a 'slot' at school for lunch, eating fast got you more time to do other stuff in the time allocated. It's not the kind of habit you can simply unwind, I'm afraid.

I think its very odd to try and police how another person eats! I couldn’t care less if someone at the table eats very fast or slowly, the meal is not finished until the last person has finished eating 🤷‍♀️

I'm a slow eater anyway, but that behaviour would make me eat at a glacial pace.

Don’t get married or have children with him. The ick will only get worse.

My DH is like this. I used to say that no one was going to steal it but I’m used to it now. My DS eats very slowly and that annoys me far more tbh but I don’t say anything. People are different and there isn’t a right way to eat

the people I know who eat like this grew up with lots of brothers/siblings and had to protect their own plate at mealtimes. Does that fit with your DH?

The weirdest thing is he'll use my knife and fork too, ya know, the fork that's been in my mouth 🤢

I’m surprised that after 20 years together you find him using your knife and fork weird and worthy of a green face.

I'm sure I was taught to pace my eating to match others eating around me. It's considered polite.

The stickers are a brilliant idea. Please stock up! You could also have a laugh with a helpful friend.

HF: Nice weekend, rangelina?

You: Oh, great - we went out for a lovely meal on Saturday and guess what?

HF: What?

You: He won!

HF: Again!? No!

You: Yes! I got him a little sticker!

And so on.

My father does this, despite people endlessly asking him not to down the years. At restaurants, if he was one of the first people served when there were six or eight of us for a special occasion, he has been known to have finished before the final person was served — and this wasn’t slow service, just literally that he bolted his food in the time it took for a waiter to put plates down in front of other six or seven other people. I can’t count the times I’ve said ‘Dad, wait till everyone has their food.’ I think in his case, it doesn’t occur to him that there’s a social aspect to eating out. He thinks ‘Food, eat, done! Home!’

Have you told him what you've told us about this?

If he's decent he will stop it (at least in restaurants).

If he isn't decent, he'll carry on.

It's a real quick and easy test to see whether the relationship has legs.

‘I win’? What a moron.

I think it’s quite ill-bred to wolf down food.

One of our dogs eats too fast (he was one of a large litter). We’ve had to buy him a ‘slow-feeding’ bowl. I wonder if that’s an option for humans? 🤔

What is indecent about eating faster than another person? And why is it decent to eat slowly? This reminds me of that Edwardian manners fad where it was the thing to chew each mouthful 20 times before swallowing.

I would think it were controlling to say a partner is being indecent if they cannot or will not eat at the speed you tell them to.

It's the "I win" for me like he's a child. I couldn't bear it.

Eating out is a social activity and he just gobbles it down ...

I've tried being nice and joking that no one is going to take his food away, there is no rush or he can order another course if he's hungry.I've tried being nice and joking that no one is going to take his food away, there is no rush or he can order another course if he's hungry.

be clear not "subtle" or "nice" or the MN "hinting"

Say: it is rude of you to shovel your food down like that, it is embarassing and i will not go out for meals with you until you can behave like an adult. And mean it.

I think the ‘I win’ is him mirroring the OP’s jokes saying the food won’t be snatched away, etc. I don’t think he seriously believes it is a race.

Or were in prison. Is your DH a convict OP?

boarding school and the army got me eating (and talking) relatively fast. It is a hard habit to break tbh