If you have two or more children, when did it get easier?

[Herewegoagain57]

Just curious as to when other parents found multiple children easier / life felt a bit more normal. I am 12 weeks in with my second child and also have a three-year-old toddler. We are surviving not thriving here.

Each week got easier and when my youngest was around three and a quarter it got massively easier.

The jump from one to two was awful. It got easier gradually week by week so not a set time to be honest.

When the little one started walking and sleeping through the night

I think I may need to lower my expectations then! It has been really hard adjusting from having normality to life being turned upside down! ( although in the best way of course)

Mine are 15, 13 and 8...still struggling. Welcome to the ride!

Honestly, at that point you are still very much in the trenches!!

I found having a toddler and a baby really difficult, especially as my second child walked before a year so had 3 & 1yr olds trying to go in opposite directions.
It varies child to child, but my eldest has autism...we didn't realise until I was already pregnant and so it made the toddler years really difficult as he had meltdowns and didn't listen great/would try to run off when out n about etc.

One thing I do regret is not having a double buggy. I think I made my life harder by having a buggy board, as of course he could just bolt from that.

It's hardwork. Get support where you can and try to see other mums n toddlers so theres some solidarity.

Having a new baby and a toddler is as hard as it gets! As your youngest gets older, it will gradually get easier. When eldest is at school, it will get much easier!

At the moment, try everything you can to get as much rest as you can. If you have a partner, divide and conquer - he can take youe eldest out at the weekend so you nap when baby naps. If he can do the evening shift, say 8pm to 12pm so you can get a few hours solid sleep, that helps. If you have family help, use it - ask them to take children for a few hours so you can rest, as them to make you a few meals that can just be warmed up when you don't have time to cook. Cuddle up with your eldest when feeding the baby and watch TV or look at books. Try and get a bit of fresh air and a walk every day. You will get there and get into a bit of a routine as baby gets older and things won't feel quite so chaotic!

When they left home. The little buggers keep coming back though. 😀

Not really, I mean having multiples at any stage brings challenges. I enjoyed the teenage years best. When they were fun, could hold a reasonable conversation and didn’t need entertaining and watching 24/7. And when I no longer had to attend “shows” every other day and clap for random kids I didn’t know. Pretty sure most of the other parents felt the same way.
I am a miserable old bat though 🤷‍♀️

Bit late now but big gaps is what made parenting enjoyable for me, essentially five years between all three. They are now 23, 28 and 33 and still get on really well, there was never any sibling rivalry. I think a three year gap is a decent enough gap though that by the time your eldest starts school life should get a bit easier.

Everyone survives only at the stage you’re in. It’s madness and chaos BUT, when you get to the stage where you’re thriving, you miss the madness.

I have three children (15, 12 & 10) and they all do their own thing now, barely need me and oh my do I miss the small toddler baby days so very much.

when you’re in it, knee deep in shitty nappies, sleep deprived, having stupid relationship competitions about whose more tired, you can’t believe they are actually the best days.

where you’re at and is very tough, but I promise it gets easier and easier each bit of time that passes, but you in my view/experience, it’s never as wholesome.

hang in there - I bet you’re doing an amazing job xx

Lower your expectations. As long as you get each child one day older every day then you’re doing just fine.

Mine are grown up but I recall that physicalky it was a bot like being on a hamster wheel but easier emotionally gping from 1 to 2 than 0 to 1.

Is your three year old at nursery? Our routine revolved around that. I do recall DD was about 6 weeks old when the six week summer holiday started!

The baby was a very bad sleeper.

We survived: breakfast, lunch, tea, feeds, walks, library, etc. Threw on a wash, emptied the dishwasher, had a lot of roast chicken, ham, new potatoes and coleslaw and ready made salad. Worked on the basis of clean and fed.

It was a luxury to go to the toilet alone.

Good luck.

We have 3 years between ours. I would say when youngest was 3/4 and they could play properly together and enjoy each other's company. We had a golden 5-6 years. Now they just like annoying each other 🙄

I found it got massively easier when they could meaningfully interact with each other. Mine have been the best of friends for most of their lives. I just hope it continues when they leave home.

P.s. surviving is fine..

That's a matter of opinion.

I actually look back on the toddler days as the shittest ones, I certainly don't miss them!
Much prefer it now they're older and we can eat out without knocked drinks and dropped food...we can go to the cinema and concerts without having to dash for a toilet or retrieve a lost shoe.

I think it depends how much support people have too.
I spent a lot of time alone, didn't have supportive grandparents or willing babysitters and in all honesty my mental health was through the floor.

Newborn cuddles are lovely, toddler enthusiasm and wonder at the world is amazing...but I definitely don't miss those years of sleep-deprived, colicky, toddler tantrum chaos!

16,21 and 28 here.
sorry to disappoint but they get harder once they’re bloody adults trust me

Once they started school 😂

When I was really struggling at the point you’re at now, someone told me that they found things started to get easier when the younger one was about 4 months old, which also turned out to be the case for me.
All the posters saying it doesn’t get easier until they leave home or whatever, yes, there are difficult bits the whole way along but in terms of getting through the trenches that you’re currently surviving, the turning point will hopefully be along very soon.

Look after yourself, it’s bloody hard but you’ll make it.

I think it gets a bit easier with each passing year until they become teenagers. Then it is hard in a different way. I think the sweetspot was from when my to were 8 and 6 to when they were 11 and 9.

It’s not necessarily easier. It’s just different. Different worries, different problems. The part you are in now is relentless and knackering.

12 weeks is tough. I think you’ll find it a bit easier when your younger one is 6 months, easier yet if your older one does some pre school?!
Mine are now 13, 11, 7. The hardest bit was before the third even arrived, when the older two were 1 and 3, 2 and 4. They were the cutest, but my goodness it was chaos!

I think just about where you are now is a big turning point. My eldest was 2 and a half when his sister was born. The novelty of a baby wore off after a couple of weeks and then it took him around 3 months to adjust to the new normal. Then things calmed down for everyone.

At 4 and a half and almost 2 it is still pretty hard work but they are starting to play together more/ have shared interests. The youngest has a daytime nap but other than that they are on the same eating/ bedtime schedule which helps.

Mine are 4 and 8 and I'd
say it has been easier since the youngest started preschool, so age 3. But if she hadn't done ft preschool it would have been when she started primary at age 4. For us these feel like the golden years, to have 2 primary aged dcs, because they are both fairly independent and interested in a similar level of things (although it is a bigger gap than usual). The first 2 years were very hard, but the eldest was in preschool when dc2 was born, so I was able to be a 1 to 1 parent with dc2 at least during school hours. I would not have enjoyed parenting 2 younger dcs at home all the time on my own, I think one always inevitably gets ignored and I wouldn't have been able to use baby and toddler classes as a distraction.

Probably when the youngest was around 6

Life isn't going to feel 'normal' again. You'll have to adjust to a new normal and maybe even grieve for the good oul days, but that'd just the way it is. The biggest milestones for me were not always the most talked about. Obviously a full nights sleep is the big one. You might not get there for years and if you are lucky and get there soon there will be bad patches and illnesses. Try not to see them as a step backwards. They are just part of parenting. The next massive one for me was kids not waking me in the morning. That takes a few years. That's when I started to feel like me. When I could have a lie in and stretch and get up at my own speed. Kids making their own drinks and snacks is another big one. You'll still be doing main meals for a long time but the constant serving disappears. Being able to leave the kids alone..first it's popping into the shop while they are outside in the car. Then it's quick runs locally when they stay home, maybe bringing one to training without having to bring the other. Then it's leaving them home to go grocery shopping or to go to the dentist. Now with teens I come and go as I please. I have reignited my social life, i can take up hobbies and i can spend time with my DH. It's a long process but each stage has good and bad. I still have to navigate teen years with 2 more so I'm not there yet but feel things are a million times easier than the baby toddler years.