how much support to do homework?

[thisismeithinkorisit]

ds is year 7 so obv school homework is new at this level. previously just spelling, online tasks etc at primary.

how much support is required / appropriate? can / could yours just go off bad do it all alone? I don't mind guiding him through it except he's so combative, doesn't like homework and hates it impinging on his free time. he has some delay with his processing speed and "mild" autism so I feel justified in giving a bit extra support - guidance on layout, what to write where rather than content iyswim.

but ... my Dad never even checked by school work, Def wouldn't have been sitting here on a Sunday guiding me through it. is this help normal? am I babying him or being unreasonable form t doing more?

if I left him to it, nothing would get done

I asked whether he had done it but other than that I didn't help.

Mine needed a lot of help. Both turned out to have SpLD.

At this age, you tell him it needs doing now, you ask him if he needs pencils/ pens for him. If he refuses, you remind him he will get a detention/ in trouble at school for not doing it. If he doesn’t do it, he made his bed and hopefully will make better choices next time.

My daughter's just started year 7 and has needed more help than expected. She's very bright but went to a primary school that set very little homework. The type of homework where she's been asked to research something and write some prose about it she's really struggled with. Things I took for granted she would know like how to research something online, how to structure her written work etc she's needed a lot of prompting with. Multiple choice type homework/ maths etc she's has been fine with. Hoping she'll need less support as she develops these skills more at school.

My daughter's just started year 7 and has needed more help than expected. She's very bright but went to a primary school that set very little homework. The type of homework where she's been asked to research something and write some prose about it she's really struggled with. Things I took for granted she would know like how to research something online, how to structure her written work etc she's needed a lot of prompting with. Multiple choice type homework/ maths etc she's has been fine with. Hoping she'll need less support as she develops these skills more at school.

No input from me as DDs boarded. Bliss. You might need to speak to school as many secondaries make it non negotiable. It won’t get easier if he refuses altogether and a school day is a short day. In the circumstances I would guide him but not do it for him. He’s going to have to learn that work is a requirement and not optional.

From reading these boards many kids with ASD seem to do better doing their h/w at school in a homework club, than at home.

Ours has to sit at the kitchen table to do it with one of us in the room. We step in and supervise when she gets stuck - which mostly involves her trying to randomly guess the answer for 20 minutes instead of just watching the 30 second video to understand how to do it. We check that all homework is complete as she finishes it. I don’t check the content at all, but I don’t think you can advance to the next question until you get the first one right.

Homework is non-negotiable in our house. They sit at the table until they finish what needs doing each day. There are no other options. For secondary age one, she gets a reward at the end of each half term for no resets/detentions. Missing homework is a detention. It automatically loses her that £40 reward. She will grumble and sit there in a hump on occasion, but ultimately, she will do it because she doesn’t want a detention.

No sanctions here. They had time all allocated at school and did it. Just a better system to stay at school if they can in a homework club. Stops bribery and nagging.

I'm far too soft and have really created a rod for my own back. DS is 13, in y8, and in top sets, but he will not do his homework without me right next to him. He didn't get any homework at all at primary, so I supported him a lot in the first few weeks of y7 and he obviously got too used to it. Definitely encourage your DS to do as much as he can himself or you'll be still be in my position next year!

yeah I this is part of it. I asked if he knew how to set it out - like name and form and date at the top, double underlining titles etc. no idea. so I've shown him and hopefully he'll learn to do it himself unless they're told to do it differently.

I don't think week 1 of year 7 is the time to say "do it or get in trouble, i don't care"

oh no I'm not doing any of it, guidance on layout and I guess physical support as in sitting with him cos he'll get distracted and wander off otherwise.

I've helped with colouring in an image she'd drawn as she was getting stressed. It wasn't for art. I tried to help with maths and got the answers wrong and she hasn't asked me since!

llwell unfortunately his crap mother can't drive, and it's about hour each way on the bus
so I need to pick up younger sibs, then bus it over to him (the hour is more the changes between buses etc and then a bit of waiting around), collect him and then do the same journey home. it takes us two hours. which I do two days a week for after school club but I simply cannot do four days a week (homework club is the alt date to clubs). we're working in him catching a public bus home but he was to come out the correct game, turn the correct way, walk the long road, cross a large road, wait 15 minutes or so (less if he gets distracted enough route) for the bus, get off at the correct place, cross at the lights, get another bus, get off at the right place, turn the right way and walk down the road and home. we're SO not there yet.

It's child dependent.

ha that's how to get out of it lol

ok it doesn't sound like I'm being ott then, which is good. he will do it, albeit with complaints cos he won't want to be in trouble. it's just sometimes the drama to get him to stop whining and do it. if I say fine don't do it then, he gets really (hysterical) upset.

I think the main thing is getting into a routine but cos they're on a fortnight time table it's not as easy to know every X we'll have Y tp do

obviously. I aware all kids differ but knowing others are giving what sounds like similar levels of support even tho others aren't makes me feel less like I'm doing the wrong thing

Your child is unique. If they need helps it's fine. You will try stepping back when you feel able. And that will work or it won't. Just go with it.

DD absolutely wouldn't take any help, other than if she asked for stationery/items to complete artwork. We asked about it when she was at primary as we saw other students brilliant work on display at parents evening and were told it was obvious when parents got involved. The teacher in question said she'd rather it was totally the student's work, so she could see what they were capable of and how she could support.

It depends so much on the child. My DC - adults now - were bright, well
motivated, had great organisational skills and never really needed support. My DGD is bright, but dyslexic and has some processing difficulties. She needs a lot of support to get organised and focussed, though she is gradually developing more independence. As a parent I think you just need to offer the level of support that’s needed.

DD1 is in year 8 and has never needed any help at all, she just gets on with it. She’s never been late handing it in.
DD2 is year 7 and hasn’t had any homework at secondary yet (it starts Monday), but I reckon if she needs any help she’ll ask her sister! She had loads of homework in year 6 though (prep school) and managed fine so will hopefully be ok.

If a child struggled with a piece of work in class or wasn't getting started then good teachers would help them. No different with homework. Absolutely fine to help your child.

My neurotypical child occasionally asks for help - like testing her on something or when she gets stuck on a question (I almost always have to use AI to explain it to me).

My year 7 AuDHD child would apparently prefer to argue with me for an hour than do a 30 min homework. She struggles to get started, doesn't want to follow the instructions and would happily hand in garbage. I do some of the writing for her, as otherwise we would be there for hours. She doesn't bring home the stuff she needs to do her homework, but apparently my strategies for her to remember are a terrible idea. I am tempted to let her sink, to see if the consequences make her care any more.

Our primary has hw (and it's not one of the posher/more academic ones either!) so it's a shame if yours didn't, for teaching him to get used to it. Some kids will get on and do things, like you, others won't, stereotypically people say it's boy versus girl attitude, but that isn't always the case, and you seem to say your child won't, so I'd support him-maybe he gets game time once everything is done/a trip to the cinema or a take put at the weekend if he's up to date.

It's worth it because he has to learn to work outside school to give him the best chance at a good future-you could have bonuses for him completing it and showing you without you specifically telling him a time.

Do you have room to set up a study area? Mine liked designing reading/writing dens with boxes and sheets, but that was the advantage of primary setting work, as that sort of thing is less likely to appeal to a Yr 7.

Definitely don't feel bad about helping. I certainly do, with all of my secondary age children. Some need it, others don't, and it can change over time. Some just get there quicker than others.