Well that's my evening (not) fucked

[HolyForkinShirtBalls]

We've been living with my mum for the last 6 weeks while we have some building work done. There is always someone in the house. Finally, husband and I have the place to ourselves for 2 whole hours. So the fucking dog ate chocolate and now I'm on diarrhoea watch instead of having a shag.

If dog ate enough chocolate that you're concerned they need to be at the emergency vet. If not then have your shag.

Vet said to just keep an eye on him.

After 6 weeks you best keep an eye on your husband too

Jeez Louise

Hope pooch is ok.

And sorry you didnt get your shag. Bloody annoying. My ddog likes to vom when she senses DH and I may want some alone time. Or epic shits. To kill any ideas romance and save the need for explosive orifices she likes to sit between us on the sofa and loudly clean her arse.

@Glenthebattleostrich definitely a good contraceptive lol

and now I'm on diarrhoea watch instead of having a shag
Sorry OP but this gave me a much needed laugh tonight.

Hope (D)Dog is ok.

What, in case he starts eyeing up the dog?

Ok. I just exploded with laughter so loud the cat leapt of my bed and is giving me the stink eye from in front of the wardrobe.