How many dates before you sleep with them and how many before it is a relationship?

[Peachykeenclean]

I just started online dating again after a long relationship; I am curious as to what the etiquette is in general, as I know there is obviously not a fixed number.

There's no hard and fast rule. It's about what you want and feel, not about what you think you should do. Be yourself just go with what feels right x

Personally I don’t think I’d sleep with someone before it was a relationship. Of
sorts. As adults I think discussing what you want out of a relationship and your expectations is vital right at the start to check you’re on the same page.

I know some people come out with this 'shag on date 3' line, (the third date rule....') 🙄 But it would be waaaaaay longer than that before I would shag a new bloke. Literally several months/20+ dates. If he can't wait, he can fuck off.

Urg this always throws up equal arguments. I totally get waiting. But the other side that frequently comes up, especially in sexless marriage threads is that life is too short for shit sex.

Why waste months and then discover your not sexually compatible? Im not saying put out on the first date, but I couldnt wait til date 20 personally.

And ill just say dating these days is brutal!!

My DCs (20s) are dating so maybe it’s different for the young ones. DD is gay and often goes back to someone’s on the first date - then if it doesn’t work after a couple of dates she gets upset because she’s slept with them so maybe it’s best to wait if you’re going to get emotionally attached quickly. Agree w the PP who says it’s brutal - DD would agree!

DS has a girlfriend now - had been dating about 6 weeks before being official bf/gf. I know he stayed there on date 2 (cos he lives at home and didn’t come back!).

I think it’s about knowing yourself. If you’re someone who gets very attached after sex it’s probably smart to wait a bit. But like a pp I’d be more inclined to find out sooner rather than later if we’re sexually compatible or not and would base it simply on when I felt like I wanted to sleep with them.

When it becomes a relationship is usually a conversation that happens at some point around exclusivity.

20+ dates?! And what, after that if the sex is rubbish? You stay in the relationship because you feel you should? Sunk cost fallacy? Or you end it when you are both emotionally invested in the relationship making it so much harder to extricate yourself. And hurting the other party.

OP it’s really a suck it and see situation… 😏 you’ll know the right time. And it’s nothing to do with etiquette. You learn so much about a person from having sex with them. So sooner the better, once you feel comfortable with them or comfortable with your own wants and needs. (Which might, in some circumstances just be good sex and connection with someone rather than a relationship, never knock that option).