VBAC or ELCS- scared of ‘failing’

[Mafaldinepasta]

First birth- long failed induction and discovered at c-section that baby’s head was tilted. I did choose the c-section quite early on in ‘active labour’ but baby showed signs of distress while waiting for theatre so tbh it was a good decision and made the birth much calmer.

I did grieve the vaginal birth experience but it has lessened with time. Now planning for birth 2 and I don’t know what to do. Inside I am desperate for that VBAC. I just want it so badly.

However, I am aware that I am setting myself up for failure. My mum had a very similar first birth which ended in forceps and a similar second birth which went to emergency c-section, so I’m worried that anatomically I’m just not able to do it.

Has anyone else gone through similar? Do I just choose the ELCS and make my peace with it?

I got to 8-9cm with my first and they are pretty sure her head wasn't in position as i stopped progressing and had emcs. Second time i had a vbac and no issues, she was a much bigger baby as well.

How did you feel going into the vbac? Did you never consider a second csection?

Felt it was worth a go as i knew it was just bad luck really that hadn't worked first time and nothing that was necessarily going to happen again .

I hate the description "failed vbac" with a passion.
Try the vbac, but know you haven't "failed" if you do have a c section.
I felt like a failure after my "failed vbac" - but now I am a few years on I'm glad I gave it a shot and DON'T feel a failure AT ALL.
I am, in fact, an absolute queen and its the baby that calls the shots!

I know I know 😭😭 I don’t like it either but I can’t pretend that I would be happy with another section.

I had a vbac with a bit of assistance for 9lb and 4oz DD2. DD1 was nearly 2lb lighter but had been in a wonky breech position.

I found the recovery much easier, but had it been necessary, it wouldnt have been a failure, it would have been what was best for DD2.

Do what you want, which is at least start labour if possible.

100% this.

I'm also an attempted VBAC absolute queen and you should join us OP!

Firstly I'd say no one else's experience is hugely relevant because whatever happens for you will be what happens. If you have a thread where 100% of people had an amazing experience, that doesn't mean you won't have an awful one. Or where everyone had a terrible experience, doesn't mean yours won't be great.

I'd advise you to think about what's more important to you - assurance of outcome / predictability (ELCS) or will you risk not knowing how it's going to go in order to have that vaginal experience (VBAC)?

For my part yes, I had the same experience as you - emergency section first time. I was really upset by it even though it wasn't a capital E emergency, the baby didn't get distressed or anything. Just he was tilted and wasn't going to come out. But I felt like my body had been violated being chopped in half without my permission. Struggled to bond with my son at first.

Second time I was adamant I wanted VBAC. As much because I had a toddler by then and I was determined to walk out of hospital the same day and go home to my toddler and be able to pick him up and parent both children.

Anyway it didn't work, despite being pretty young and fit my scar ruptured, it was a massive emergency, me and my youngest both nearly died. He was dragged out with forceps.

Despite being in hospital for weeks I actually found the recovery better than with the c-section and I was glad I'd delivered my son vaginally. Our bond was instant though I don't know if that's related really but it was good. Though I will say my husband has never forgiven me - from his perspective out of pure vanity in not wanting another section I put his wife and child's lives at risk. So that's another perspective to consider.

I have subsequently advised other friends not to go for a VBAC as whilst on a purely selfish level I was happy not re-opening the scar and not having a load more recovery, I think the risks are often understated by the midwives.

My 1st dc was emm cs after 2 days labour and 'failure to progress'.

I went for a VBAC with dc2 but they became distressed after the waters broke so he was born by a lovely elective section.

The elective csection was super. So chilled.

My sons are 21 and 19 now and I couldn't care less how they got here - they're awesome!

I do remember the judgement I received from some stupid people at the time but 100 years ago, I think it's very possible that all 3 of us would not be here now. That's my usual response if anyone does ask (which they obviously don't nowadays).

All the best, OP!

I 'failed' twice in that case!

'Failure to progress' with dc1 and 'failed VBAC' with dc2!

My boys are brilliant and I most definitely did not, and do not, 'fail' as a mother so I am putting a finger up to those terms.

I had an emcs after "failing to progress" 20hrs of contractions came into hospital at 9cm and 10hrs later no baby so they did the c section. I thought I was fine about it but I did feel my body somehow failed.
3 years later pregnant again and I chose a home birth as I wanted mimial medical Involvment and more trust in myself. Labour was 5hrs start to finish and baby delivered safely in my bathroom. 18months later I had my 2nd home birth. 2 hrs start to finish all fine.
I think I researched everything so thoroughly and made sure I wouldn't be scared. I passed all the knowledge onto my partner too so he could be confident and keep me level.
I think if you do the same. Research your choices, rights and what you want. Advocate for yourself and tell your partner to do the same. Then I think whatever you choose you will feel empowered and more confident. If your pregnancy is straight forward and you want a vbac this time then do it. And remember your choices aren't set in stone you cam change your mind right up untill you go into labour. But the best birth is one without fear so you do what's right for you xx

I was in your shoes and opted for the ELCS as the devil I knew option. I recovered quickly from my EMCS which was failure to progress rather than a big blue lights flashing emergency. Other than being shattered from 2 days in labour with ALL the drugs I was fine.

Baby 2 however had other ideas and my waters broke at 37 weeks. I ended up with a "successful" vbac as "theatre was busy" and labour was progressing. However, in the end it all took a lot longer than had been indicated, baby got stuck in the same position as my previous EMCS so we moved to a forceps delivery as she was becoming stressed, 2nd degree tears and massive internal bruising. It was about a six month recovery before I could sit and feel normal walking again.

DH is still traumatised by it and is convinced the hospital managed me into the VBAC on the day and had she not been so small, an EMCS would have been necessary. It gives him the rage. DD2 is now almost 14. I'm over it but he is not.

Every single person will give you a different experience. If it's important to you to try a vbac then do. Ask lots of questions, where is your cut off point - hours of labour, dilation, medical interventions.

Honestly, I know what you mean re feeling like a failure as I did after having an EMCS first time round (DS back to back/days of labour not getting anywhere/fetal distress). Comments like "too posh to push" and "so you still don't know what giving birth is like" from people afterwards didn't help!

Second time, and despite the comments, I went for an elective as it is statistically the safest option. It was wonderful, there was no sense of failure because I had chosen it. I knew when I would be having DD so my mum came up the night before and stayed at ours to look after DS while we went to hospital. The anaesthetist talked me through how the op was going. DD came out ready to latch on to the boob straight away which was my biggest worry.

It was wonderful, there was no sense of failure because I had chosen it.

Ah this is what I’ve been getting at but couldn’t articulate. Yes. This is exactly how I feel.

Decision may be taken out of your hands I had similar 1st birth to you second came early natural birth 5 hours start to finish. First one took days and had emergency c section. My births were so different. Play it by ear frankly if you and the baby come out unscathed the sort of birth really doesn’t matter. Literally no one but you cares.