He makes you feel like a million dollars

[Longleaf]

There's a man I know through a sport. Late 40s, tall and stunningly good looking. Quietly spoken and not especially extrovert but he has this way with him. He makes you feel like you're the most important person in the room, even when making very insignificant small talk.

You could quite believe he thought you were special, although I realised very quickly he does it to everyone, men and women.

But, I can't put my finger on how he does it. He uses my name, if I join a group he'll pause or interrupt to say hello, but lots of people do that. I can't say I've ever had a full 121 conversation with him.

I'm interested because, I'd love to be able to make people feel like that. Generally I put my lack of people skills down to being quiet and introverted but he's not loud or obviously extrovert at all.

Fwiw he's a police officer. Is it something they get trained to do?

I have had the pleasure of working with a man like this, he is not a police officer.

Possibly they are just very perceptive people? He always is engaged in the people he is with, and seems to value people equally.

Could it just be the full attention? DH does this thing where he will listen very intently to someone like they are the only person in the room, he is genuinely entirely focused on the person he’s talking to. The man you are talking about is also attractive which probably helps, people like it when attractive people pay attention to them.

That is what I think real social skill is, and some people are just really good at it. Definitely not a policing thing, given some of the police officers I have dealt with professionally!

I do think it is a learnable skill though. Interestingly almost everyone I have ever met who went to Eton can do it. I haven’t yet felt it was polite to ask how! But fundamentally I think it comes down to asking questions and really listening to the answers and engaging with them. That said, it has to be (or at least feel) genuine, even if what the other person is saying is boring - and that is the bit I can’t do!

Remember kids, husbands and wives names, the fact their dog was ill, a holiday in Ibiza. Pull them out at your next meeting. Eye contact. Touch. Well that's what I do! But. I'm not very successful at keeping in contact with people I'll forget about you until I see you again but because I remember stuff about you it will seem like I'm interested in you. I'm not saying I'm not 😂

I used to work with a man like this. He was a bigamist, had two completely separate families on the go.

I suspect you've just got a crush on him.