Any other lone parents had only or last child leave for uni

[Wonderifitsme]

i have just left DS at uni and said goodbye.

i am absolutely bereft. Knew it was coming, it’s absolutely right for him, etc etc. Have been through it once with his elder sister who is happy and settled.

bur this time….We have been through so much together (abusive marriage). For the last 3 years it has been just us. How do I get over the grief, especially as I live alone? (No partner). Have not shown him of course.

Not going to lie. Its hard. What helped me was keeping busy. I worked full time and took on some charity work. I saw friends a lot more.

The pain (and it did feel physically painful) passed for me after the first term.

Practice 4 7 8 breathing and use MacKenzies smelling salts when you get really sad/anxious.

You do slowly find your new normal and even learn to enjoy it. There is a big shift in your life occurring right now and it's OK to feel unsettled and unhappy.

Is he far away or will he come back for weekends?

Are there any hobbies you might like to try out / restart. Books to read. Crafts to do. All will help with finding that new normal.

I agree with @Enko re enjoying the solitude. It took me 6 months to get to that stage. I absolutely love my peace now.....but I could not have believed that, back then !

So sorry @Wonderifitsme I can see how painful this is for you.

I think the only thing you can do is to reframe it in your mind. Your child isn’t flying the nest and leaving you - he’s flying out into the world to spread his wings and find his place. Things aren’t gong to be the same but you’re not losing your son - the framework has just shifted.

Meanwhile you need to work out what your place is in this world now that you don’t have kids at home. As the previous poster, said can you find ways to keep busy and meet new people? Charity work, even just a few hours a week, is a great way to find a new community and take you out of yourself.

My eldest is leaving home for uni soon and I know I’m going to miss her so much. I’ve got some volunteering planned and I’m going to take up a new exercise class. I know it will be tough but this is something parents have to go through and we’ll be OK.

Hope you feel better soon xx

Thankyou all. The empathy really helps. Also the approx timelines - 5 months, first term etc.
I work full time and have friends plus a dog. Plus a new flat to renovate.

It’s just this awful grief. Right now I can’t see how to get past it.

He’s a short flight away. So not exactly down the road but fairly straightforward travel.

Absolutely understand! Its flipping awful to start with. If you'd like to PM me, I'm happy to chat ❤️

Edit - do look into how to deal with grief (breathing, meditation etc). It really can help

Absolutely understand the grief, both my daughters left within a couple of weeks of each other. The difference being my DH was here. My job was full on which helped I think and as time moved on we got used to the quietness.
Come Xmas when two very noisy DDs returned we realised how much we enjoyed the peacefulness and looked forward to them going back to Uni.
it’s funny how people who have not been in this situation just don’t understand what it is like.

Acknowledge the grief
Cry
Meditate
Exercise
Keep busy

We are adaptable and it will eventually pass and you will get used to your new routine.

We left DD1 last week. I miss her and feel tearful at times; thankfully we still got DD2 at home for a few more years and I also have DH; but the house that feels a bit more quiet.

Yes, I helped ds move into halls yesterday. He is my only, it's been just us for 16 years so this absolutely is the best thing for him, and I so want him to enjoy the experience.

I woke up to a completely silent house. He is 4 hours away.

Radio on. Plan for the day. Text ds to check he has everything he needs, then get on with work. I need to be busy😕

Another vote for keeping busy here. I've lots of nice things lined up that DD wouldn't want to do with me - a trip involving parkrun and museum visits, and another one that's a group hike. I'm planning to go on a health kick, and my kitchen will have only the food that I want to eat.

My mother and one particular friend are urging me that now is the time to find a man but I don't feel a great deal of enthusiasm for that enterprise.

If I get really stuck, I suppose I could clean the bathroom. Always a last resort.

My dd goes next wend, it’s been 20 years of just us. She’s had a couple of years out so I feel lucky that I’ve had some extra time with her, over the last year she’s done some travelling and worked lots so I have got used to the house being quiet.

My plan is to focus more on myself and work, I expect dd will still be needing me for support one way or another for a while yet.

My heart goes out to you @Meadowfinch

it is heartbreaking. end of an era. I think we are also grieving fot what has defined our lives for that past 18 years.

hwre am travelling back today so have that to focus on I guess. Hear you all on keeping busy.

My only child is moving on Saturday, it's been just us for 16 years so it will be a huge change. Whilst I know I will miss seeing her every day, I'm pleased she is still going as we've had a particularly tough year as a family. I'm also looking forward to a new chapter for me!

I hope it goes ok for you both @MissFizzyPop .

i am on the way back home. Have cried on the tube, at the station and am sure woll
do so at the airport.

really hoping this settles at some point. Making plans for next couple of weeks to keep busy.