I dont want to notice, register or care anymore...is there a magic answer

[HelloandWelcomeToYou]

Venting more than looking for an answer.

Am AuDHD and in the throes of peri and its all screwed my brain. Tried all combinations of hrt and several antidepressants but they didn't touch the extreme anxiety, rumination, over thinking and over feeling. Feel extra crap tonight as was leaving a concert DD performed at and this man stepped in front of me and knew my name. I hadn't a clue and he said he was a friend of an ex from 30 years ago. It was 7 wasted years with someone i now know cheated and I was a stop gap till someone marryable came along. I went straight to deer in headlight mode tonight and hardly knew what to say. There were 2 couples, I looked round and the partners were looking at me and giggling which made it worse. It felt like being jeered and pointed at in a school yard as he was so proud of himself to recognise me. I just muttered and we left.

I know I've nothing to be ashamed of but feel so crap being reminded of all that and they having a chat and a laugh about it. Its not only this, feel like this a lot since peri. I just wish there was a pill to pop to not care and not notice and just say fuck you all. Sadly no amount of therapy, patches and pills have helped get me there.

hey op sorry I don’t have anything to add but didn’t want to read this and ignore it. I get the same feeling as you sometimes, situations play on my mind endlessly. I care way too much about what other people think.

I realised I have ADHD during peri. For me, vastly increasing my Oestrogen has massively helped - and allowed me to stop taking anti anxiety meds.

Time will help (it did for me anyway, admittedly I don’t have the ADHD element to deal with)

I was an anxious, overthinking mess in peri. At one point I remember saying I’d rather not be here at all than carry on feeling like this. Dr wouldn’t prescribe HRT as was on my own apart from CBT for anxiety. Once I was past peri and full menopause everything changed. These days I don’t give two hoots what anyone thinks of me. Hang in there, it gets better!

I’m so sorry you feel like this and also that you were so badly treated by your ex. It’s horrible when you are blindsighted by a reminder of an old relationship, especially when you haven’t dealt with it fully in your mind. It’s such a horrid feeling. Do you think the couples were actually jeering at you? Three adult people making fun of a stranger or laughing unkindly at a stranger would be unusual - could they have been laughing at their friend, maybe at the coincidence of him having seen/recognised someone from years ago and being proud of himself? If it was 30 years ago, I imagine he’s probably forgotten that it was a difficult break up. Of course, there are unkind people around, but most people are nice, and at least not rude.

I know you said you were venting and didn’t want an answer, but in case you ever get fed up of feeling upset like this, I had some CBT for overthinking a few years ago (NHS talking therapy for anxiety, I self referred online) which I found really helpful. Yoga has been a massive game changer for me too.

I’m sorry again that your evening was spoiled. That ex sounds like a dick. I’m glad you got shot of him before you had your daughter. What was she doing in the concert?

I had to come off hrt and go on tamoxifen due to breast cancer. Whilst it has stopped periods it’s possible exacerbating rumination, over thinking and over feeling (though I’ve always been like that. I fit the hsp profile. I’ve started to query ocd.) it causes menopause symptoms.

In was going through an extremely stressful patch and every thing got worse including sleep. I went to a hypnotherapist but she did something called rational CBT first.

it helped enormously. I started sleeping too. She prescribed a book to go with it (I’ll have to check the name) - it’s probably best to do it with a therapist as they can frame thinking. It was an antidote to the thinking habits I had which were causing physical anxiety. Which was then a looping effect.

Cbt is an effective and proven treatment for peri. All of us who can’t take hrt benefit but tbh, many friends seem to find hrt doesn’t fix everything anyway.

I have to revisit a lot. There’s a phrase I’ve developed from it for myself, not to awfulise. And i challenge my thinking. It’s taken a lot of practise.

along side this I do exercise, more protein, breathing bits here and there and do the whole gut microbiome thing. To cut rumination I ruminate about something I like eg art ideas or gardening ideas. It’s like picking up a hamster running on the negative wheel and putting it on the banal but lovely wheel in my head.

im not brilliant all the time and anticipatory stress or over stretching myself makes things worse, but over the last year it’s improved a lot.

To be honest though I think you were reminded of your ex by this guy and you had a shock. I think most people would have felt uncomfortable and emotional after this. It’s natural to over interpret things like giggling as being directed at you when you’re shocked and anxious. It probably wasn’t intentionally at you.

Thank you all, your kind replies were lovely to wake up to.
@hkathy it was the shock of just dissolving on the spot, the mumbling and then replaying it over and over got to me. I am great also at the replaying, I just couldn't believe I'm in such a crap place mentally with how it all went.
@herbetta I have an appt with a new hrt expert later this week. Ive tried to find a psychiatrist who is an expert in female hormones but couldn't so will see if she understands. I didnt realise I was ND until peri kicked in and then HRT made things worse as my hormones went up and down every few days and im supersensitive to levels. In some ways id love to shut them all down and take my chances.
@ThatLemonBear I really hope that happens as this is absolutely hell. I totally get you as I too think not being here would be better but couldn't do that to my lovely teens. I have on line therapy every week and its good to off load to another human but sometimes hearing it all out loud makes it seem worse.
@Gunpowder DD was playing violin in a concert and did great, it was part of a bigger celebration i helped organise and these people's kids were invited as part of the concert. I think my reaction was part huge shock at how and where it happened / jolted back 30 years of memories i dont want to think about / a conversation about it had clearly already happened / all the conversations and remembering that willcome from it as thats how they always were. I've never seen ex or his friend in all those years but he'd have been a confident know it all even then. I was disappointed at how I appeared and I know I shouldn't but I do. And yes ex was a dick, I was a convenient shag until thankfully finished it but regret being a pastime until better came along. Clearly lots of regrets about it came flooding back in a split moment when he mentioned exs name.
@Ikeameatballlunch I am hsp too and thats why id love a pill to not think and feel and consider and sense like a dinghy in water, id love to be the surfer just gliding along solely focused on me and what im doing. The world can be cruel to hsp/ nd folk. I tried CBT but maybe need a different therapist, last one spent a lot of time talking about her life and her mother. I have online therapy each week but its good to offload but after 45mins its back to just being. I need to do the exercise etc but my get up and go has got up and gone. Suppose this encounter was another oh fuck look how bad things are mentally and how I now am in the world and with people.
Thanks again, that's what I love about MN. This too will pass.

This too shall pass ❤️

Your therapist sounds totally unprofessional. 🫪