I had my first baby two years ago, and I’ve always wanted a second child close in age. I got pregnant about a year after having my first and was absolutely over the moon, but sadly it ended in another miscarriage.
I was part of a big group of friends who all had babies around the same time, and I’m now one of the last to have another. Two of my best friends are due this month. I’m genuinely so happy for them and have been really supportive, but at the same time, I’m finding it incredibly difficult seeing them pregnant when I desperately want to be pregnant too.
My period started again a few days ago, and this one has really affected me emotionally.
I have severe endometriosis, and my periods are extremely heavy and painful. They completely take over my life for a week or more every month. I also suffer with PMDD, which makes everything even harder.
My plan had always been to have another baby and then look at stopping my periods so that I could finally enjoy my life without spending days in unbearable pain. But now I feel completely stuck at a crossroads.
We’ve been trying for two years without having another baby, so my GP has now put me on the infertility pathway. I desperately want another child, but at the same time, my periods are having such a massive impact on me and my family.
When the pain gets severe, I take strong medication, but even that doesn’t help much. Last night I was being sick because of the pain and only managed about 4.5 hours of sleep.
Normally I’m a very calm and laid-back person — probably too laid-back according to my friends and family! But after two years of this, I’m starting to feel jealous, sad and really down. I hate feeling jealous because I’m genuinely happy for my friends, but every time my period arrives it feels like another reminder that it hasn’t happened for us.
I even paid privately for a scan because I was so worried, but everything came back normal.
I feel like I’m going a little bit crazy in my own head with it all. My husband doesn’t really understand why I get so upset when my period starts, and he has suggested that maybe we should take a break from trying.
I just don’t know what to do. Part of me desperately wants to keep trying for another baby, but another part of me doesn’t know how much longer I can cope with the pain and the emotional impact of my periods.
Has anyone else been in a similar position with endometriosis, infertility or recurrent loss? How did you decide whether to keep trying or take a break?