How do others cope with resembling a difficult mother?

[timoteigirl]

Low contact, sometimes been no contact, with my narc mum. As I get older I hate looking like her. What have others in similar position done to cope with this?

Sympathies op. I lowered contact. She elderly so I do check in. Its a chore at times if Im honest. She difficult people do avoid her......

I was thinking exactly this today. I hate it as we look very similar. I wish I didn't look like her.

I never wear my glasses. So fewer opportunities for a startled double take at how my long estranged mother managed to turn up in my bathroom (mirror).

But mostly I focus on how her looks & features were never the issue. My greater fear is that certain aspects of her could turn into traits I develop over time. My sister and I have the occasional call where one of us wants to check “have I turned into mum ?”

Change weight. My adoptive mother was great, the biological one ... less so, to put it mildly.

One of the advantages of slowly losing some weight is looking less like her.

Different hairstyle.

Unfortunately my taste in clothes is similar to hers, so I avoid the most similar stuff and go for different style skirts etc.

The honest fact is that looking like someone you dislike is off-putting, so I try to adapt a bit so im not her spitting image, which I could easily be.

It’s not easy when I catch a glimpse of her in my reflection or during a FaceTime/Teams call. Then I remember it’s not my fault and I’m not her.

Actually I find it harder to accept I have some of her personality traits over any physical resemblance. It’s like I don’t know who to be because I don’t know how to be anything else.

Feeling it tonight as I’ve lashed out at DH and the kids and whilst I know I’m right in what I said, how I said it wasn’t great. And then I think of all those social media things that say “if you grew up in a house where one person’s mood dictated the mood of the whole house…” and worry I’m doing the same things as she did.

I hear you. Ive been nc over 6 weeks now..Her behaviour worsen after my aunties and dads death and she expected me come running when she snapped her fingers. She would slag my poor dad off.

I look less like her the smaller I am so losing weight helps. Different hair color/style, different dress style but the biggest one is.. I smile more, I’m friendlier, my friends like me, my children love me and I’m happy. So completely different to her!

My mannerisms are different plus I smile unlike her. Loosing weight would help but it seems impossible.