I started school in 1965, when I was 5, and was very happy at my northern state primary surrounded by a field.
Lots that would be shocking now.
Doing PE in our vest and pants, including ballet and sitting boy-girl holding hands on the floor to make a boat. The ballet music was provided by a peripatetic pianist. Our city had a clutch of them, retired female school teachers and governesses, one of the latter a relation of my mum.
Being left crying at a table in the dining hall, supervised by the deputy head mistress, for a whole afternoon because I hadn't eaten my semolina pudding. I consoled myself by looking at the woodland animals painted on the glass window that divided the dining hall from the assembly hall where we also did PE.
One female teacher in particular absolutely screaming, properly demented, for ages at the whole class when behaviour slumped.
The same teacher arranging for me to stay with her and her husband in their cottage when my dad died; the husband, who I had not met until then, picked me up from our house and drove me the 40 minutes to their cottage with just the two of us in the car. They had two dogs, a big attraction for me, and I loved the teacher because she was creative - lots of singing (Vaughan Williams, Edward Elgar, 'All in an April evening', calypso, spirituals, four-part rounds) and poetry (W H Auden reading his own poem 'Night Train') and a reading corner with floor cushions, alongside structure, routine and high expectations. The husband worked in theatre. All from different from my family business background, and intriguing for that reason.
Being seized at 6 years old by another teacher, plonked on her lap, and cuddled fiercely by her while she commented on me being cold, her hands between my cardigan and blouse. She was one of the older teachers, always beautifully dressed in a tweed pencil skirt, woollen jumper and pearls.
The same teacher handing out large (A2) sheets of drawing paper. At the desk of one boy, she took a yard-long ruler and used it to tear a strip of paper about an inch high off the bottom saying: 'Andrew X, you only draw tiny little stick figures along the bottom of your paper in art so this is your sheet.'
In reception, we sat in double desks boy-girl. One morning, the boy next to me leaned forward when the boy in front of him was doing the same and stabbed him in the bottom with a newly sharpened pencil. There was a lot of blood. The stabbed boy was taken to hospital. My neighbour disappeared for the rest of the day. After dinner, the head mistress came into our classroom to comment on the stabbing. Even though I had done nothing, I remember the anxiety I felt, as though I were somehow responsible.
On Friday Winter afternoons, being read a ghost story in the dark (the teacher had a torch), our heads laying on the desk.
In my final year of infants, I was in one of a pair of classrooms in a terrapin hut with a cloakroom between the two rooms. Our teacher, a man, used to set us work and leave the classroom, telling us not to leave our seats. That was because he and the female teacher from the other classroom had snogging sessions among the coats. On one occasion, I hadn't been listening and got out of my seat to put something in the waste paper basket. He returned when I was out of my seat and hit me across the knuckles with a wooden board rubber. As I was well behaved, quiet, and never hit at home, my sense of outrage was off the scale. I told my dad, who, when the teacher left at the end of the year to teach in Zambia, said 'It'll be good for him, having all those blacks to sort out.' (I adored my dad, who was a very loving, witty, sociable man. The memory of the remark suggests, however, we would have been having difficult conversations had he lived longer.)
My class teacher in 3rd year juniors saying to my mum at parents' evening 'Ida is clever, but X (my best friend) is cleverer.' My friend was sent to a prestigious girls' school at 11 and my mum was quite scathing in comparing our O level results: 5 x As and 4 X Bs each, plus 2 x Cs in addition for X.
In junior Y2, I was in a class of 50. The teacher linedus up in a curve around the room in the order of our performance in end-of-year tests.
My parents leaving my younger brother and me at home while they went to parents' evening. I ignored the instruction not to leave the house, cycled to a friend's, fell off my bike and was taken to hospital by the friend's dad to be stitched up. After parents' evening, my dad went to the pub with the head master. When the friend's dad brought me home, my dad fed me Weetabix and hot milk with a spoon because my jaw had been frozen. My mum stood at the sink washing up and ranting about my disobedience.
The head master was very proud of two snakes kept in a glass case. Every Friday lunchtime, he put on a pair of gloves and played with them. We were invited in groups to watch.
Typo