Do I throw my theiving son out

[Shelly696969]

So my son recently left prison after 3 years. I allowed him back home and all seemed to be going well. His brother had been away for 4 months working at festivals. On his return he noticed stuff missing from his room trainers ect amounting to about £1000 . His brother denies theft but there is no other explanation I feel I need to ask him to leave but think this will lead into a downward spiral

Was he in prison for theft? As if so he hasn’t learned his lesson and is hiding his continued criminality from you as you thought it was going well.

Your other son deserves to live in a house he knows his belongings won’t be taken.

Is the criminal son working? How old is he? Sounds like he won’t change so I wouldn’t blame yourself if you do throw him out and he does decline further, he’s had a chance to reform and hasn’t taken it.

F

Asking him to leave probably would lead to a downward spiral, yes.

Letting him stay means he'll be stealing items from your home and probably cash/cards when all the items have gone.

Pick one. 😪

So sorry you are in this situation. You need to tell him to leave.

Is there anyone else who had access to the house who could have taken the missing things?

What about the spiral your other son will go down when his stuff gets nicked and nobody gives a shit?

I would tell him to leave.

Thanks all. He has been told to leave. Problem is he is on a tag as recently released from prison I wiil contact probation and council can’t live like this he won’t open up to theft but he stole before he went to prison was hoping he wud change. My other son blames me for having him back

Of course your unfortunate other son blames you, you allowed a known thief back into your home, what did you expect?

Will you be replacing the lost belongings?
Did you not think to sort out locks on the bedroom doors so the son living with you wouldn’t have to deal with this?

i do have locks on bedroom doors but obviously theif has some how managed to get in … did think after 4 years away he might have changed.

4 years away makes it sound like he's been off working or travelling. Unfortunately, prison rarely rehabilitates and the problems they went in with are the same or far worse coming out. You need to prioritise your other son otherwise he risks a similar road but make sure your eldest has access to info about charities who can help him and stay in touch.

Prioritise the children who have not served time.

Ok so you have a locked bedroom door.

One ds away who has come home and is claiming stuff went missing from his locked room.

One son who has be in prison for theft and is out on license who denies the theft.

I can absolutely see why he’s been blamed and it’s entirely possible he did steal it - however are you absolutely sure beyond reasonable doubt he’s entered the locked room somehow and that your other ds had items stolen?

i don’t envy you having to decide which son is telling the truth without evidence either way.

I agree with @Feelinglow2026. Prison isn’t going to rehabilitate anyone. I mean, it’s possible it wasn’t him, but it wasn’t you, and a burglar would be unlikely to take care not to destroy a lock on a door to steal a pair of trainers but ignore the tv and other electronics. What happens when he steals your bank cards? Or your most treasured items? A piece of jewellery that isn’t worth much but is priceless to you?

You can still love him but not be able to have him in your home. He’s a grown adult; if he hasn’t learnt his lesson after being inside, then a different lesson is needed. If being removed from the family home isn’t enough, then it’s protecting yourself and your other son. You aren’t there to provide him with a steady stream of things to steal.

Can you help other son to install a secret camera in his room, or put one viewing his doorway in the hall, so he can gather proof that his brother is definitely stealing from him? You can get very tiny wireless 'nanny cams' fairly cheaply.

Combined with having a very secure locked place for other son to store particularly valuable items (a safe in a car, or safe in another hidden place, perhaps).

If you do get evidence I'd be inclined to initially offer (if you have space) a tent in the garden or similar and a portaloo, for your badly behaved son, until he can find alternative accommodation. Harsh, firm, love, whilst acknowledging that it's very difficult for homeless young men to find accommodation.

Report him to the police for theft. Then you can claim on your hime insurance for all the stolen items

I’m not sure how he got into the room if it’s locked? Could he have got hold of the keys?