First 'family' holiday without eldest

[mylittleyumyum]

I'm having a wobble. Flying out this weekend on our first family holiday without my eldest daughter. We've had couple's breaks before, but this is our first time just the three of us. Youngest is very excited because she'll be the centre of attention, but I know she'll miss her sister. Got lots of activities planned to keep us occupied.

Eldest isn't coming because she's just started uni, and took a big holiday with her friends last month which we paid for at her request due to her forgoing this one.

She's happy to stay home, look after the cat and have friends to stay. She doesn't really feel like she's missing out as she has a week booked with her boyfriend when we return but I feel weird.

Obviously we'll be in touch daily. I've left another key with a neighbour who'll also be checking in on her. The fridge and freezer are full. We've not broadcast she will be on her own (although her boyfriend and friends will be staying on rotation)

I'm not anticipating any disasters, and she's a sensible girl, but two whole weeks!

Anyone more experienced than me, put my mind at ease so I can enjoy myself!

She will be fine. I left home at 19 to live on my own for the first time, with no one but me to shop,cook etc not to mention work! It will do her good

If she’s old enough for uni I don’t really see what the concern is?

Ah, I can see the grief of having to move on from the family you've built being the main focus! You can be happy for her going to uni, starting her life - who remembers those first amazing trips with boyfriends or parents, or being alone in the house? It's brilliant!

But for you, you have spent TWENTY YEARS welding this little group into a unit that cares for each other and does things together. You've refereed sibling fights, you've tried to treat them each fairly, you and spouse have tried hard to get on well with each other, (I imagine!) at the natural ups and downs, while keeping a nice atmosphere for everyone. You pulled them all through the pandemic, months of time where all the energy had to come from you and DH. And along the way you grew an older daughter you really get on with and like spending time with. Of course it's going to feel weird that now you are not all together.

Congratulations on getting her to 19 and enjoy the "second family" - a new thing you are now building as a trio with your younger one. It doesn't replace your main family of 4 but perhaps adds even more love and joy.

This is exactly it! I am going to miss her so much, and she'll be missing out on two weeks of holiday memories - the daft wee stories we build about other guests, the holiday 'song' that's stuck in your head weeks after returning home etc etc.

The longest we've been apart was the week she was away with her friends.

I hope her sister meets someone her age to goof around with as the two of them are always joined at the hip on holiday.

Obviously we'll be in touch daily. I've left another key with a neighbour who'll also be checking in on her

WTF if she's old enough to be at university, stop treating her like a baby.

She's old enough to live alone without constant checking! You will miss her and are the one who needs TLC. X

It's quite late if she waited until Uni for the first time!

It's normal for teens to do their own things but it's also normal for family to go away together at any age. You can go away together with adults, it's not the end of everything, you just book and organise differently.

Yeah, I left at 17 (not to go to another country) and my mum missed me desperately while I was living it up with hardly a thought for anyone else. I completely empathise with her now and I'm only going away for 2 weeks!

Me! I'm a total softy. She'll be fine rattling around the house and getting herself to and from uni and work but I can't settle my emotions and feel a wee bit guilty too.

I don't think I'm treating her like a baby by having my neighbour aware that she's on her own. She's just turned 18 and we're an exceptionally close family.

An 'exceptionally' close family- how can you judge that? But the main point is that you will miss her and it is hard letting her go.