20 year old son issues

[bunny6767]

Hello,

I was wondering if anyone else had gone through this with their kids.

My son is 20, works for the family company in his dads trade (it’s a bigger company so he isn’t directly working with me or dad he’s out on the road with another few members of staff)

I am not sure if this is a me problem or a being 20 problem or a man problem or what’s happening.

He starts at 6am. If me and dad leave later some days we give him a lift in with us. On those days he won’t wake up to his alarm and I have to go and physically wake him up.

On days me and dad leave at 5am to get in the office (or if we go on holiday or whatever) he has to get himself up and he does so without issue.

Same as if we are working late covering night works and are out he will make his dinner, wash his work stuff etc but on days we are in he turns back into a moody teenager and hasn’t done anything.

Its like as soon as we are around he reverts to being 15.

He has called in sick today because he’s ill. His supervisor at work one of my other employees rang me to ask if he was in and said I knew he wouldn’t be because yesterday he was out in the rain working wearing a T-shirt and wouldn’t put a jacket on despite being advised to and I told him he would get ill.

When hes got plans with his friends he can get himself abroad, he can plan entire holidays, get himself round the tube system and London. When he’s around me and dad he just turns into an actual dope.

He’s saving to move out but I don’t know what to do in the meantime. It’s such a change in attitude multiple times a week from him being one minute sensible and self sufficient to being absolutely inept it’s driving me insane!!

It’s caused some arguments with my husband and we are now leaving him indoors if he doesn’t wake up and he’s having to make his own way in at his expense if we have offered him a lift and he’s not up. It’s like he doesn’t want to listen to anyone at all and has an uppity attitude and instead of being grateful he’s getting a lift etc he just says we nag.

Hes not a horrible young adult in any capacity and doesn’t get in trouble or anything like that, it’s just the reverting to being a teenager when he’s round us.

He needs a job elsewhere.

What she said 👆🏻

He needs to not be working in your company.

You’re giving him mixed messages - expecting him to behave like an adult but treating him like a child. Who on earth would tell their son’s direct boss that he wouldn’t be in because he’d been out working in the rain without a coat and you’d told him it would make him ill? How embarrassing for him.

How does working in the rain make you ill? People run/camp/hike and do all kinds of work in the rain. It does not make you poorly.

You said he called in sick but it sounds as if he didn’t bother and you took a call from his boss.

He sounds disempowered.

I get what you’re saying. It’s very much a family like company, people socialise and all that out of work so people do get involved with other people. I haven’t told him his supervisor said this, it’s just what his supervisor told me. Can I just ask what you mean by treating him like a child? Not to be sarky but I’d really like your opinion so I can fix it

This is what I thought the issue might be to be honest. I feel like maybe he needs to go and do his own thing instead of the security of mum and dad’s company. He can always come back of course but I think you’re right. There are other companies he can join.

How you treat him like a child :
Waking him if he sleeps through his alarm
doing his washing / dinner if he doesn’t do it.

stop doing anything for him. He won’t learn otherwise

The supervisor told OP about the rain thing.

It’s so frustrating isn’t it? Agree , being caught in the rain doesn’t make you ill.