Relocating with kids to a brand new area

[MerlinsHairyBeard]

DH and I are thinking of doing this, to an area about 1.5hrs away from where we are now. There are so many practical reasons, but our main concern in doing it is having to move the kids DS10 and DD8 to a new primary school, which neither of them will be keen to do. I guess I'd just like to hear from people who've done this kind of move. How did the kids settle? How did you know it was the right decision for the whole family? Did you have regrets?

Why do you want to move?
My parents did this when I was 6 and I never settled and it took me until I was around 40 to forgive them because I reacted so strongly to it. I’m autistic though so that makes a huge difference. I’d never move my own dc as a result unless there were no choice or I was moving away from an intolerable situation.
Their ages are better for a move so they have chance to make friends and settle before moving to high school. We also moved just after I left primary and I had no friends to go to high school with.
People move all the time, the dc are fine and settle in well and are happy. Would your dc be happy to move?

I moved when my dd was starting Y4. Moved an hour away. Small thriving coastal town and absolutely no regrets. My daughter loves it here compared to the old city, when it’s warm we head to the beach.

Also, it’s better to move them in primary school. There’s absolutely no way I would have moved once dd was in secondary school.

Can you visit the school with them? Could backfire of course but maybe you could visit in hols or similar when other pupils aren’t there -it’s a bit daunting if hundreds of kids are milling around

If DS is 10 is that y6? If so you will miss the end Oct applications deadline for the new area, though could apply to one school there at the top of your list and provide a change of address later (there is often a later date for that which is still counted as on time, but check.)
Better to move now than secondary.

We did. But much further, about five hours away. For better jobs and quality of life. But DC were much younger, in key stage one which made it a lot easier. They settled within a week. It took me longer!

I wouldn’t move at secondary age, the friendships are different by then.

only you know your kids and their situation.

E.g. if they are easy to adapt, happy to join in any new social environment, not attached that much to their current school, very confident, etc. sure they may like the change and challenge...

But if they have a real best friend in this school? Are shy and quiet? Struggle with new social environments...etc. it could be a disaster.

Either way it is a risk, so you need to weigh up the chances that it goes well and they end up in a better place, vs the chances that it goes badly and they hate the change and it unsettles their social and academic lives..

I moved to another country when my dd was 9. Started at new school with no issues. Settled in really well.

Agree with this. Some kids will happily make friends with whoever they happen to be sat next to in class. Others really struggle socially. You must have some idea of where along that spectrum your own DC sit.

I moved areas when I was 11 and hated it for a good 5 years, but it was a necessary move and I understood that

Now or stay where you are for another decade - primary disruption isn’t as bad a secondary

yes it is tough but life is tough. Yes it may unsettle them and make their lives harder for a while but that isn’t a reason to not do it

an adult now who hated being moved aged 7 and took years to settle , I think my parents were doing the right thing for the whole family long term

Thanks for the replies everyone! We'd definitely want to make the move before the secondary application deadline in the October. That's one of many reasons for this move - the catchment that we're in right now is for a rubbish school. DS's friends will be going to a different one. There's a chance he might get into the good one due to the falling birth rate and the fact that he goes to a feeder primary but do we take the risk or move into a catchment that's a sure cert. It's so hard 😭