Five year old taking hours to fall asleep and exhausted for school

[Stilettosandbrokenb0ttles]

DD is 5, has just gone into year 1.

We have had this issue for what feels like forever; she really really struggles to fall asleep at night. For years I would lie with her until she finally fell asleep, but I phased that out eventually as it meant I never got an evening to do anything else which became really draining.

So now we do the typical bath, stories and tucked in to bed (8pm) routine but then after lights out it still takes her at least at hour, more commonly an hour and a half to actually fall asleep and then consequently she struggles to get out of bed for school the next day. Some days she looks completely shattered, big bags under her eyes yet still the next night we have the same issue.

She says she just cant go to sleep. Gets out of bed literally every couple of minutes. I try and make sure we have a good old chat in the evening so she can get anything she needs to off her chest. She doesnt watch any TV in the evenings (rarely ever anyway tbh but the odd thing). She has an audiobook or lullabies playing in her room and a nightlight on. We have tried earlier bedtimes, and even later bedtimes to try (read that online, that it would reduce the association with getting up as it would be her natural sleeping time - didnt work and we ended up with even later bedtimes).

I just dont know what to do now - I just want her to be well rested especially as she is now in year 1 which is such a step up from reception. I want to help her, but equally get frustrated that the constant getting out of bed means that she really isnt helping herself.

Would melatonin be an option for us? I know its not as easy to get here as in other countries and she doesnt have any diagnoses of anything. Im not worried in any other area of her life but this.

Has anyone been through similar that could offer any useful advice?

8pm is a late bedtime for a 5 year old in my opinion. Could she be in bed for 7 and asleep for 8.

We have tried earlier and it just takes even longer - 2 hours+ 😔

Hi, we had a similar issue with our 5 year old (just gone into year 1) Never slept through the night consistently, active dreams with sleep talking / walking, falling out of bed etc, and night wake ups as a result. We have recently introduced magnesium supliment and while he still doesnt sleep through it has definitely helped him fall asleep faster and wakes ups are fewer and dont last as long. Takes a couple weeks to kick in. We use novomins night time gummy as the reviews were amazing and we had used this brand for other daily vitamins. They have a subscribe and save offer on amazon prime at the moment. About £6.50 a tub (,30 vits I think)

This was us with my DD from about 6 months old to age 6.

It isn’t meant to be that hard OP and I wouldn’t see it as a reflection of anything you are doing wrong.

Melatonin changed our lives. DD now sleeps within 20 mins of going to bed and as a result her ability to cope with the day has improved. DD has other issues so she was diagnosed with autism and adhd but sleep was the thing that everything started with.

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Speak to GP. They will likely try to fob you off so you might have a long road ahead.

Same here. DC(6) can have the full sleepy bedtime routine for 7:30/8:00 and will be jumping about in bed at 11 still. doesn't come downstairs but will be sneakily playing Lego or reading. We tried melatonin recently. It's bloody amazing! But we need a low dose on prescription and so we need to sort out an ADHD/ASD assesment I think. Definitely has ADHD, and I'm 90% on the asd, and several teachers and healthcare professionals have said they're certain.

Magneiusm is supposed to help but I can never find the right form. All the kids ones seem to be citrate which just ends up with diarrhea.

😂😂😂

Mine slept midnight till noon from birth and the
night before she started school (aged 4) was awake till 10:30pm. No point fighting it.

Not everyone is a lark. Some of us have owl DNA.

She was diagnosed with ADHD at 12. There were no major issues at primary school but Covid, puberty and secondary school made the house of cards fall down.

Thank you - have just ordered some on Amazon Prime so will give them a whirl!

Try waking her up earlier. We wake ours up at 6.30 every day or they struggle at bed time.

work out what time she’s falling asleep and work backwards. Don’t let her see clocks in the house. So if she’s falling asleep at 10.30. Start bedtime at 10 then work your way backwards slowly by 10 minute increments until she’s at 8pm.

I had this with my 4 year old. I hated suggestions of this when we had this issue, because I’m naturally hesitant with these things, but Magnesium Bisglycinate has been an absolute life changer for us. 1.5-2 hour bedtimes now take just 20 minutes, 40 at absolute worst, but the biggest difference is that he is totally silent the entire time he’s getting to sleep. No singing, no bouncing, no reciting the Gruffalo… I am amazed. We’ve been using it for two or three months now, he suddenly started falling asleep better on day 4 of taking it.

I used to say you don’t need to go to sleep and you can read books. She knew not to come out of her room. You probably already do that but when she was allowed to stay awake it took the pressure off.

@Snowcanwait @Thesearenotthedroids Ive heard great things about melatonin. But I know its hard to get here. We were just in France where you can buy it at the pharmacy counter but probably wont be back for a while. I could speak to our GP about it but given I have no other concerns about ADHD/autism I'm not sure there would be any point.

@Bobbybobbins see I've thought about this but on the occasion she is up early, it still doesnt seem to make a jot of difference to bed time!

How long did you try the earlier bedtime for? It probably needs to be consistent for several weeks. Also, make sure she gets enough physical exercise throughout the day. My dd was full of energy and we had to take her for long walks and a run around with a ball, like people do with dogs!

Is it just you, or could your DH/DP start doing the bedtime routine with her instead - if nothing else, it will give you a break.

We were successful with meditation CDs, we had some from a company called Relax Kids.

DD has AuDHD but I think some children do just have problems shutting down. We also work, so with us being home at 6pm, bedtime was always around 8pm and no screen, hardly any TV so stimulations were low anyway.

It got a bit better when she had later clubs like Brownies and gymnastics at 6pm, she was able to get rid of the energy and more physical tired than just being at the after school childminder.

She is now at uni and sleep is definitely an issue still, no chance to get Melatonin in the UK, we get it when we are visiting family in Germany where you can buy it in a supermarket. The UK/NICE is seriously behind in helping families with children needing it by making it so hard to get it prescribed. I wouldn't mind it being a pharmacy only medication but why can't a GP not do it.

I’d start with the magnesium and some background noise such as a Tony box or Yoto story then.

Another thing that helps with ours is she is allowed a drawing pad and doodles on her pad until she falls asleep. She can’t just lie there and go to sleep.

Unless she has the melatonin in which case she drops her head and is out like a light.

We gave the earlier bedtime a real good go but to no avail - she is very full of energy! She does dance, swimming and is about to start football and rainbows so maybe that will help. Her clubs are moving to a later time from this week too. She does usually come for an evening dog walk with me too and PE at school so I guess pretty active.

The gummies havent arrived yet annoyingly I am itching to try them!!

Lose the nightlight. If she can't see to do anything, she won't keep getting up. Put the landing light on instead if she gets up for a wee in the night. As long as its kept tidy, she should be able to cross her own room in darkness, to the door.

I'd also lose the audio books. Too engaging. Stick to music, preferably a set playlist that can fade into the background, or a very familiar story that she won't be actively following.

I sometimes struggle to sleep and the best way is either the same song on repeat for an hour or to sleep on the sofa with a very familiar TV show on. Nothing new, as I'll want to watch it, has to be something I know very well from watching it a million times.

Have you tried foods high in melatonin as a bedtime snack eg banana?

Crickey that’s late, I would say they are over tried. I would bring the bath forward and make sure they are in bed by 6.30pm and asleep by 7pm.

I don’t think it sounds late at all. We both work FT, the kids go to after school club, we get home at 6-6.30 and then need to do family dinner, clean up, reading/homework, prep for the following day, then bath time and bedtime. Consequently we say goodnight to our 5YO about 8.30. Can’t do it any quicker! I’m really surprised at people saying a 7pm bedtime. Sometimes he doesn’t even go straight to sleep and sits in bed reading for a bit.

I’d maybe stop the audio books and lullabies, as that might actually be quite stimulating especially the singing, and take the pressure off my saying she can look at/read an actual book if not sleepy. But under no circumstances (except toilet emergency or illness) is she to get out of bed. I’ve also heard really good things about magnesium. Melatonin I would consider only if I got it directly from a pharmacy abroad so knew it was legit and appropriately dosed. I would not trust anything bought of a random website.

I think that sounds late! My year 1 son has a bath 6pm wind down 6:30 and should be in bed by 7pm, he will be asleep by 7:30 but 8 on a bad evening. If we start closer to 8 then he’s over tired and cranky and so upset. I do think starting earlier (you have to do it for a while like a month not just try it a few nights) really works

The audibooks and music are stimulating. We do quiet time in bed (reading alone) in a calm environment and then lights out. Then they know to stay in bed, but probably stay awake playing with teddies quietly for a little while longer. There is no wandering about.

I would want a 5 year old in bed by latest 7.30 and asleep by 8 in an ideal world (although probably more like 8.30 a lot of the time) as we all get up very early.

@Teresa7- please share a link to the ones your DC takes. I’m losing my mind with my 8 year old atm.

Maybe stimulating for some but not for others? Not all brains work the same way and some children find it easier to relax with background noise. I do too, as an adult.

I would also not be taking away a nightlight as anxiety can cause trouble sleeping too.

Id try to think about what it is that is specific to your child OP and follow that. Look at what she is seeking, saying, doing when she isn’t falling asleep and that should open up the door to some answers on what she needs.