Struggling with quiet weekends after a long-term relationship ended

[JimmyGiraffe]

I’m late 40s and have just come out of a long term relationship. I’ve got a nice group of friends, they have been great, but they all have partners. I work full time and my weeknight evenings are easy to fill, there’s usually something going on with friends, then hobbies, gym etc. But everything dries up at the weekend.

Occasionally i get something organised with friends on Saturday or Sunday, but it’s hard to do anything spontaneous and this generally needs planning in advance. I find myself spending more and more time at the gym, just to get out the house, and be around people. This weekend I started thinking about a part time job at weekends, just to give me something to do, but I don’t really want the commitment.

Should I just lower my expectations and accept this is how it is? The last time I was single I had plenty of single friends!

Follow the sologirling account on instagram.

I have a cinema card and often take myself to watch a film. Especially good for Sunday nights to avoid Sunday night blues.

I joined bumble BFF and made a few new single friends - game changer!!! You need a few people in same position as you to do nice things with. It will change your life!

In a similar position. I eventually became exhausted trying to organise meet ups on a weekend. I now enjoy the downtime and potter around. I have a hobby that I now take very seriously and am mastering it as a consequence. It has taken an effort to be contained in my own company. There is a great a great quote ‘if you don’t enjoy your own company then you are in trouble.’ Hope it works out for you.

In a similar position :) I’ve recently joined a walking group, there’s usually something on every other weekend and the walk often ends up at a cafe or a pub for a drink at the end, it’s been a great way of getting out a bit more.

It just worries me that I could spend the rest of my days trying to keep busy, I find it exhausting.

Potter around a bit. Try some new hobbies. Get in the garden, on a walk or to a park. Get a cinema pass. Take yourself out for coffee. Get a NT or EH membership if you have a local one to visit.

the list is endless. I’ve had to stop work early due to my health (50s) and I don’t have any close friends and only my DP and adult DC. My DP works away a lot too. So I do everything alone.

Is the gym progressing with the extra time you're putting in?

Yes definitely!

I'm not sure from your post if you want something to do or you want to socialise?

Are you uncomfortable doing things on your own? Is it a case of you need to adjust to being on your own?

I find I don't have enough time to do everything I want to do as I have quite a few hobbies. I am very content with my own company though, and to be honest it often doesn't register with me that I have been alone all day, as I just go about my day.

I think single or not, when you get older it's so tricky to find a date and time that's mutually convenient for everyone who wants to meet up. The more of you in the group there are, the harder it is to find a time you can all do.

Sorry to use the dreaded C word, but it's probably a really good idea to start planning Christmas activities in now. Once it gets to November, people are usually busy every weekend.

I do appreciate it does take the spontaneity out of life though.

Ideally I'd like weekend company, but failing that I definitely want to be more busy.

Sorry to use the dreaded C word, but it's probably a really good idea to start planning Christmas activities in now. Once it gets to November, people are usually busy every weekend.

Yes, that's very much on my mind. I have booked a trip away over the Christmas period, for solo travellers. It wasn't cheap, but I'm away from 24 December til 2 January, so I'm sorted for all the key festive days, plus that weird week between Christmas and New Year

You could go to the library. Find yourself a good book as well as get out of the house. Pop in for a coffee on the way home. When you go to the gym you could sign up to a class. The same people tend to go most weeks so you soon make friends and often have a drink together after class. Start a new hobby. You could perhaps make it a practical one like learning how to wallpaper or sew. Colleges are just starting new courses this week. Can you crochet or knit. During lockdown I taught myself to crochet using YouTube. Do you like baking? I've learned how to decorate a cupcake with a flower on top. I don't do it often but it's nice to know I can if I want to.

A running or walking group is a nice way to socialise. In my area there are several on saturday and sunday mornings. I think getting up and out the house in the morning helps then it's quite enjoyable to have a quieter afternoon/evening. Do you have family close by?

How about something like parkrun on a Saturday morning (running/walking or volunteering) or you could volunteer at a junior parkrun on Sundays. Once you’ve been a few times you’ll start recognising regulars and often there’s coffee afterwards. Lots of parkruns also run on Christmas Day, so a good way to be around people.

I'm in the same boat at 54 (although spent a large chunk of my 40s single so it's not a new phenomenon to me!). I do see friends during the week if I can, otherwise I'd never see anyone. I'm a keen hiker and gardener, so I alternate National Trust and RHS annual memberships. I live near a RHS garden and you can take a friend in on a single membership, which is handy if a friend has a half-day free and I can ask them along. Otherwise it's great to see a garden change through the seasons. NT is good for houses, gardens, and parking in the Lakes, which is handy as a fell walker. I try to plan something concrete to do on two weekend days a month - then I feel like I'm not getting too "hermitty"

I try to get my housework/laundry/food shops done after work during the week to free up weekend time. I also train twice a week with a triathlon club - this is new, and I've been really heartened that they are a friendly crew. I did my first Tri a few weeks back and everyone in the club stayed to cheer on clubmates who finished later who were in different staggered waves. For someone who is hyper -independent, I'd forgotten just how nice support was. The weekends I don't have anything planned I catch up on reading, or iPlayer, or watch a film - I don't watch telly during the week and save them for my "idle" weekends.

I've also travelled at Xmas which is great (although sometimes expensive as most are long haul if you want decent or dry weather). Travelling to non-Christian countries is good if you want to miss the Christmas jollity - I find it hard as I have no family, so I've travelled in India and trekked in Nepal, and you forget that it's even Christmas until you get home.