How can I reset screen time boundaries with my nine year old?

[Cocomandarin]

I have a 9 year old and a 10 month old.

by the time dc2 was born we had already got into a swing of having some lazy days on the weekends etc. dc1 would sometimes go on her iPad or Nintendo but she would soon get bored and move on to drawing, reading, crafts etc. she has always been a home body and has always been a struggle to get her out the door unless it’s something exciting.

cut to dc2 being born, we have had a lot of health issues with her and it has been devastating at times. Most of the time we were just trying to ensure dc1 was ok and that meant we have been extremely lax on boundaries with screen time. I have always had an hour daily limit set on the iPad but she wouldn’t always use it. For a while she was on it more than that some days. Leaving her downstairs alone to try and calm a screaming baby and being so stretched I couldn’t deal with the arguing about screen time and trying to sort out another activity for her when I was in the middle of a vomiting new born. I really struggled. But I know I have made a rod for my own back.

I think hormones might be coming into the situation now. But she has 3 main thoughts and aims most days. Her iPad, Minecraft or buying rubbish like squishies and crystals 🥴 she is moody and doesn’t want to do anything. I had planned to take her out just me and her today to do pottery painting and get breakfast. She said she didn’t want to go and got all stroppy. So I said that there will be no iPad today at all.

do I just cut the screen time out? I don’t know how to justify things when I am busy with the baby. She loves her sister but I don’t demand she plays with her or gets involved all the time because I don’t want to put a responsibility on her like that.

im wondering if anyone else has been in the situation RE obsession over video games and buying stuff. I know it’s all dopamine based. I struggle with her, she doesn’t want to do clubs, gets bored if we do anything active. I’m at a loss.

how much screen time does your 9 year old get? And if you had issues with this dopamine chasing how did you help them? Thanks

I would cut it out completely

Can you just talk to her about it and be honest? Say things have obviously been tough for a few months and she’s had more screen time, but you have noticed that it’s maybe not the best for her (like anything we do too much of, even exercising) and so you’d like to cut it out for a while / get a healthier balance. She’s old enough to understand the impacts of too much screen time and have that explained to her in age appropriate terms too. If you can afford it pick up some nice alternative activities she can do with you like some Lego or puzzles or some new books. And can you do other activities that are a bit active but still not too active. For example can you do a walk to look for autumnal things in a few weeks, or look for different types of leaves (you could even look them up together on the iPad to learn about them) at different stages of green/orange and then paint or draw them. Or can you get out to libraries, museums, even a coffee shop together. Would she like geocaching? Or maybe taking photos of the places you go and scrapbooking?
It doesn’t have to be running around or even being out for hours, but getting out the house is good, it can always relate back to a sedentary thing she enjoys too. Sorry you’ve had a tough few months, hope things are starting to get easier to manage.