What would you think of your mother in law wanted to invite 3 friends to your wedding, you’ve not met before

[Lastdaysofsummer26]

three of her friends
you’ve not meet in 6 years you’ve been together ?

Say the bride is inviting a huge family and the groom has a tiny family in comparison, I think this is okay. The brides MIL will want to enjoy the day, might have friends.who are more of a family than blood family etc. If it in any way just looked like a free meal for the pals and them all cordoning themselves off for the day - that would be a no.

If there isnt the family number imbalance, perhaps the groom knows the ladies extremely well or they have been a support to him/his family for decades.

If my kids got married, we have no family to invite but a tonne of "aunties" (my friends).

Absolutely no way. We paid for all of our children’s weddings and we would not expect to just give a list of people we wanted to invite if they didn’t know our children. Our children did ask if there was anybody we wanted to invite. In discussion with them, they invited 2 couples who were friends of ours but these are people who had been in their lives for ages and when they were young they called them Aunty and Uncle.
One of our children’s spouses parents had loads of friends so they had a small party a few weeks later, in their home.
You don’t insert yourself friends into your children’s weddings.

Your niece needs to accept she is marrying someone who has close family/friends and it’s one of married life’s obligations to compromise.

if she is subject to anxiety attacks then reduce the numbers to all immediate family (both sides) only. But she needs to remember some family friends actually replace family too..

perhaps the Groom needs to step up to mum if he feels his DM’s friendships are not close…

Well my ex mother in law had a guest list of her friends that filled two sides of A4 but it turned out that was the least of my problems! 6 friends equals 3 couples presumably which sounds reasonable.

Depends entirely on numbers and the criteria of guests at the wedding.

Small, close family only and venue strict on numbers and small budget, then no.

A larger wedding with extended family and friends I think I would allow 3 friends.

Traditionally (especially pre 90s) the wedding was hosted by the brides parents and the parent's paid for everything. Sometimes the bride and grooms parents went halves, sometimes brides family paid for wedding and wedding breakfast and grooms paid for night do, sometimes brides parents paid it all. The parents invited everyone - usually their friends. My mum said she barely knew anyone outside of the family at her wedding as my granny (her MIL) invited a lot of friends. Nowadays, brides and grooms tend to pay for their own weddings and have more control over the guest list.

When I got married DH and I invited our friends and extended family and we had allowance in the numbers, and my family is much bigger than DH's so I did tell MIL she could invite a couple of friends to the wedding. My parents invited their friends to the night do as most of the whole day guests were my side of the family.

It would be nice if budget/ numbers allow to have a couple of MIL's friends there if the bride's side is larger than the groom's.

A compromise would be that MIL's friends can come to the night do when generally numbers are more relaxed.

It’s quite normal for parents and parents in law to invite their friends. They probably went to their children’s weddings

It isn’t really typical to invite friends of parents these days unless the couple themselves have a personal relationship with them, no.

I suspect the people saying it is the norm are from an earlier generation.

Unless the three friends would tip the guest list into the red, I see no problem.

One of my DCs recently got married abroad, and about a dozen of the guests had never met the bride or the groom. They were relatives of mine whom I'm close to but live in the country where the wedding was.

It's worth asking if MIL is single, is a person who isn't a party animal/ quiet, hard of hearing, or uncomfortable at large gatherings. Some older women need a bit of moral support at big social events.

Sounds fair enough as they paying towards the wedding.

Yes.

The couple ought to have equal amount of guests for each side, or consider quietly going to a registry office with only immediate family.

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As they are her long term friends, she is contributing to the wedding and there is space to do so, yes I would try to accommodate them.

You are incredibly fortunate. Because you clearly have never had anxiety or a loved one with it. I don’t really suffer from it although menopause has introduced me to it, but my daughter is crippled by anxiety, it’s heartbreaking.

If this young woman has severe anxiety, her wedding is probably incredibly stressful for her, so adding in people she has never met and is going to have to pay for, absolutely will “make a difference”

Also, it’s her and Husband-to-Be’s day and I feel they should get the final say. A Plus One if the MIL is single is one thing, but not 3 mates that are strangers to the Happy Couple. It’s taking the piss IMO

Throw her a surprise wedding shower and invite them so she will have a chance to meet them. She may love them.

Contributing money for the wedding is a gift. It's not a purchase of rights.

It would be fine with me.

I didn’t let my MIL invite friends to my wedding and I regret it now. I’ll defs want to invite friends to my kids’ weddings. She’s been a blessing in my life, too, and this is something I could have done for her to make her happy. Just food for thought. Your wedding of course invite who you want.

You are incredibly fortunate. Because you clearly have never had anxiety or a loved one with it. I don’t really suffer from it

Wrong.

I have suffered from extreme anxiety in the past.

But what I never would have done is chosen to put myself in a position where the spotlight was upon me.

If I could have managed that, I could’ve managed a couple of unfamiliar guests.

There will be be so many people there, even if a small wedding, plus 'strangers' working. Your niece will be in a gatheringbgger than she's used to anyway and won't know everyone, so I don't think 3 extra people, who she may actually like and get on with, should be pivotal to overthinking and influential in this scenario.

Those who are saying parents stopped paying for weddings in the 80s are at least 20 years too early. DH and I got married in 2000, and we attended many weddings of our friends in the early 2000s. Everyone had parents who either paid for or heavily contributed to the wedding (see also Gavin and Stacey from 2007 where Mick pays for the wedding) and it was common then for the guest list to be split between the couple and the parents. This was a massive change for our silent/boomer parents who married in the 60s or 70s and had no friends except the bridesmaids and groomsmen and the bride's parents were very much the hosts and paid for the whole thing. I'm glad I got married when I did, I think it has gone too far in the opposite direction now.

I do think it's very inconsiderate to refuse to allow the parents to have any friends. Weddings are about families coming together and if you don't include aunts, uncles, friends of the parents and children then what separates a wedding from any other single generation party? I regularly saw my and DH's parents friends before and after our wedding until they died (DH recently met up with his Mum's best friend even though MIL is now dead. She was at our silver wedding anniversary party as well) but we haven't seen some of our friends who were at our wedding for decades. When you are young your circle is still changing but your parents generation will remain constant and they are the ones who can support you during your marriage in a way your friends can't. My teenage DC already know that I will want some of my friends at their weddings, these are people who have known then since they were babies and I think they have earned their place at their wedding.

If she is paying for it all, let her invite her 3 friends….
if you are paying, nope - absolutely not

MN contempt for the boys family rears its ugly head again.

Im sure if it were your parents trying to invite friends, it wouldn’t be a discussion on MN currently.

If the mil is paying towards the wedding it seems reasonable she should invite 3 friends especially if the groom knows them from his childhood. If the couple wants just their friends and family they should pay all of the wedding costs themselves.

People have weddings of any and all sizes, but I absolutely ensured my mother in law had a table of her friends at my wedding some of whom travelled a long way, and whilst perhaps I had met some briefly at a family funeral some I only met then, but have got to know over the years since, I also ensured my parents had their closest friends as well, at least 1-2 tables as many were local. Our parents thought it was the best wedding ever… conversely at a different family wedding my aunt was allowed a single friend, my parents husband and I were the only family and whilst I did speak with some of my relative’s friends - all the older adults - all 5 of them - didn’t have the best time. I wanted our parents to have an opportunity to host their friends and have a great time too.