My mother tells me what to do

[Chefpig]

I've not lived with her for 20 odd years now.

She regularly likes to give advice on various topics including how to serve food for my pets (yes, really), how to dry washing indoors, the list goes on. Usually designed to be delivered in a way to make me feel inadequate. Its wearing. All this advice was this morning and came from nowhere. No conversational prompts or anything. I ended up being snappy but it's always the same.

The kicker was when I asked she stop, and I told her I do ok as I am, she replied, "really? You do ok as you are, do you?" It was in a really doubtful way. I'm a single person, live very independently, hold down a full time job, earn a decent salary etc. She did lend me some money to pay off debts a while back and reminds me of this frequently.

I asked her when she was going as I feel she has been rude. She's been scathing of me in the past and attacks my personality, looks, hairstyle, clothes, etc.

Since I stook up for myself, she's been doing this heavy breathing thing, saying she's hot and can't breathe. I am tired of just being around other people and their drama tbh.

Anyone else's parents like this?

Just say, “ I feel attacked by you, please leave”
” and moving forward if you wont respect me as an adult then you can’t come round”

why don’t you try meeting up somewhere neutral like a coffee shop etc…….and try to talk about different stuff, like what she’s been up to etc…

It’s not normal for her to behave like this. But it’s not normal for you to tolerate and enable it either

When is this happening? When you visit her or vice versa? Daily or twice a year? Or do you mean by text message etc?

With a parent like that, who needs enemies!

If you can, repay what she gave to you and then block her.

Don't spend any time with her? It's not compulsory to be around people you don't like, just because you are related.

Just pay what you owe her and go very low contact.

Yes! My Mum is very similar. In my case, I think my Mum is bored so likes to create drama.....

My Mum does have some health conditions so I am mindful of that, but she definitely has 'attention seeking' moments too.

It's 'normal' behaviour for her nowadays.

You just have to decide whether to continually 'flag up' her behaviour or let it go.

It's difficult.

I'm not someone who would go 'no contact' but I have reduced contact slightly (but even this is far more than anyone I know with an elderly Parent).

I just learn how NOT to be as I get older!

💐

OP, contact is not worth it.
Take an extended break.
Make sure you do not ever have to ask her for money again.
Having someone so nasty and negative in your life is not healthy for you.