Older women are the bedrock of society

[fiveyo]

I had an unpleasant experience in Tesco today. My 5yo had a total meltdown and my 2yo sort of joined in (he was fine but he didn’t want to be left out). 2yo was in the trolly crying performatively and my 5yo was thrashing around on the floor screaming that he didn’t want to walk. Whilst I was waiting for him to emerge from his funk, a couple of lovely older women approached him and tried to talk sense into him. One actually managed to coax him over to the door (which was where I was waiting for him, he could see me the whole time).

I got lots of sympathetic looks from younger women and one who asked me if I was ok (which made me want to burst into tears). These older women had a different vibe though and they were wonderful, calm and generous either their time.

i got served a real on FB this evening from Jimmy Carr’s stand up show and someone asked him about menopause. He went on to say how he thought that older women are the bedrock of society (he expanded on that but I can’t remember what he said) and it ring so true with my experience today. Thanks to the older women in Tescos today, and the younger ones who looked at me kindly while I was dealing with 2 screaming children 🙏

The older I get the more lovely I am. I give less fucks about awful people or what people think of me but definitely care more about people in general. And we see it in all societies. Older people are generally more caring, cheery, they have the confidence to approach and try and help. When I was younger I would have walked in the opposite direction.

Absolutely

I agree.

I think I mentioned in a previous response but I would 100% walk in the other direction, not because I wouldn’t want to help but I’d be too self conscious to offer a hand. The self confidence of older age obviously a powerful thing.

@fiveyo omg yes op

I was in a supermarket needed some essentials - my toddler wanted me to buy an extremely expensive toy and I just couldn't.....cue HUGE meltdown

The lady behind me helped me wrangle my bread/milk basket through check out and get me and an incandescent tiny ball of rage back to our car. She absolutely didn't have to but I was so so grateful! And she said gently soothing "oh don't worry we've all been there" sort of things to me while I gathered myself together.

I can't tell you how much I appreciate this thread. Usually my demographic is moaned about, and sometimes it really gets me down. I honestly don't think I've ever seen, here or anywhere else, older women being appreciated.

Thank you so much, @fiveyo for your OP, and thanks to everyone who's contributed so warmly.

I volunteer a lot (I'm retired now so have the time, but I also did so when I was still working). And though I've worked with some lovely men and young women, I have to say that women of 50+ are generally in the majority when stuff needs doing.

And elephants. The matriarch of the herd is known to remember sources of water for decades and remember safe routes taught to them in their own babyhood by their own matriarch.

The self confidence of older age obviously a powerful thing.

Honestly, I am SO much more confident in my interactions with strangers than I ever was when I was younger. I actually used to be very shy, and sometimes I smile at myself these days when I've just stepped in to help a random person or just passed the time of day with a stranger. I would never have done it (or I might have done it very very awkwardly) a decade or two ago

We seem to lose our inhibitions a bit when we reach 50+!

Nice post. I am also relieved to see a kind post about older women. Otherwise most of MN is ranting about evil boomers.
We have all been where you were today and would not judge. Toddlers are tough!

It's also nice that everyone old or young was kind to you. Mothers of young uns need support.

We are the superwoman !!!
Sorry U had a bad day but great someone helped u out when u needed it 🌺
It's a lovely post !

Here you go:

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/XuH-hkR5xyE

It's good if older people are valued, both men and women, as they can give so much to society. Sadly I don't think they're valued as they should be.

I don’t know if it’s self confidence, I think it’s that we’ve lived through so much, that we don’t sweat the small stuff. And we just get it and have walked in your shoes many times. We empathise and don’t judge. It’s lovely that you appreciate us oldies @fiveyo

Every time I was in A and E with a frail and very sick elderly parent, there were crowds of us late-middle-aged women, hollow eyed, worried but just trying to do our best for our mothers and fathers. We would nod at one another in weary solidarity.

It’s funny because along side this experience today, my own mum is somewhat incapacitated. She has a hip replacement, she’s struggled with the opioid painkillers which ended in her needing a catheter for a couple of weeks and to cap it all she’s got a sickness bug today and needed my help to clean up some sick after she didn’t make it to the toilet. I see how hard she finds it all - partly that’s universal (no one likes being dependant) but I think partly it’s because in her mind, being an older woman isn’t about being the bedrock, it’s about being a burden. I tell her all the time that’s not true but I know that’s how she feels. It makes me so sad.

I think you might be right; I almost said ‘disregard’ but that feel callous and uncaring and not what I was feeling but I know what you mean; self confidence doesn’t quite nail it.

A lot of my friends and colleagues are entering this phase; looking after kids and elderly parents. Given how much later people are having children the parents are elderly as the kids are still young, it can be a real challenge

Youngsters can be good too. Three years ago I broke the news to my elderly mother that I had BC. We're 2000 miles apart, not close mentally either so it was the most difficult call I ever had to make.

The next day she went out and was so distressed/distracted she fell in the street and smashed her face on the pavement. A young couple was passing and picked her up and took her home, my dad was out so they stayed with her until he got back (neither of them had their phones with them 🙄). The next day she found a huge bouquet of flowers on the doorstep from the young couple who'd brought her home. I never found out who they were 😭

If anyone has found themselves, in tears, rocking in a public place, there is a woman who has gone through the menopause, who will come out of fucking nowhere, like magic, and a cup of tea will appear and they’ll go ‘you’ll be alright’

This didn’t happen to me today but metaphorically it did ❤️🙌

I have a friend whose DD was going to a gig alone for the first time. She was nervous & talking it through with her mum whose advised’ if you’re unsure or feel threatened in any way stand near a group of middle aged woman, they’ll help you’ I thought that was wonderful 🙌🏻💪🏻💕

That's officially my life plan from now on 😊

You’re right - there is kindness everywhere (I genuinely believe that). I felt a specific type of kindness and support from these women today though.

I was "saved" by an older couple many years ago when 2yo DS1 had a major meltdown at the entrance of the supermarket. I was 38 weeks pregnant and on crutches for SPD. We'd gone to the cafe as it was one of the few places left that was still accessible for us to leave the house. After eating he wanted to go to the toy aisle and I was just in too much pain to go, so he ended up having a full on screaming floor-polishing session.

I couldn't do anything. I couldn't even bend down to him anymore, let alone pick him up.

A lovely older couple asked if it was OK to pick him up and kindly took him over to the ride-ons to cheer him up, and eveb insisted on putting 50p in to put him in a good mood.
After that he was calmed enough to safely walk across the car park back to the car with me. With the crutches I was dependent on his very limited good will and couldn't push trollies/ prams, use reins, hold hands or carry him.

I still fondly remember the couple's kindness and help even now both DSs are into the teenage years.

And yy to older ladies keeping so many community groups going.

That’s lovely