Poo in knickers - what to do!

[SOS88]

I am after some advice please. My daughter is three (turns four in December) and she has been potty trained for wees for a few months with no accidents. However, she will only do her poos in her knickers. We have tried everything to encourage - she just keeps saying poo goes in knickers. We have tried bribery, rewards, explaining, poo goes to poo land. She will still quickly just do one in her knickers once a day. Her nursery are getting quite frustrated and I have no idea how to get her to do poo on the toilet. Any ideas? We have the ikea little white seat and step. They aren’t allowed potties at nursery so that isn’t an option. Please help or share stories of success - I have no idea how to help her!

Will she go in a pull up?
If so you can use that and then gradually withdraw it, like getting to the stage where they go into the pull-up that's in the toilet bowl, then it can finally be removed.

Yes she will go in a pull up but she won’t go if it’s on the toilet bowl - it’s as if she doesn’t realise when she needs to go.

Look up ERIC for advice. Something is stopping her from going on the toilet. It could be the plop that scares her. You want to nip it now because it’s really hard to overcome once they start withholding.

Is she squatting to poo in her pants, and then disliking having to be in sitting position on the loo?

Or is she comforted by the pooing against cotton rather than in the loo where water might splash up on her bum?

Have you tried rewarding her with chocolate?

I think you need to do it in stages. Like there are several between her just going in the pull up while she's doing her normal things to the pull up being in the bowl. It can takes weeks apparently. But you start by whipping off the pull up as soon as she's gone. Then you get her closer to the toilet , then eventually you're whipping it off while she's on the toilet, then it goes in the toilet, then you can cut it into pieces until you replace it with loo roll in toilet, then nothing.

I feel your pain, im having the same trouble with my little boy, took to wees so well but will not do poos keeps doing them in his pants. He doesnt have obvious signs like hiding in the corner, and will just do it as he is playing so finding it hard to "catch" him before he starts. He is also prone to constipation so dont want him to start withholding

His childminder recommended getting a book (didnt say which!) so i have got "no more nappies" book by campbell to start with bit at a loss atm

Sending a big hug!

She changes so sometimes poops standing and sometimes sitting - just always in her knickers. She was content to try on the potty (and did it once) but her nursery refuse to have them due to cleaning (I did offer to drive everyday and clean)!

Yes - multiple trips for her to choose, keeping them close to the bathroom door so she can see - have offered her different toys she can have etc.

That’s a pain, OP. I used to take my daughter’s potty in, the nursery actually suggested it. We also put tissue at the bottom and the clean up was easy.

As others have said, it may be that the toilet feels a bit intimidating for doing poo. I’ve read that some children can feel as though a part of them is dropping away from them when they poo into the toilet, which can understandably feel quite scary.

Have you tried attaching a nappy, or even something like a Kylie sheet, so that it hangs just above the toilet bowl and feels closer to her? It might help make the transition feel a little less daunting. Hopefully doing this at home, may eventually help at nursery too.

Good luck luv. Potty training was incredibly difficult with my son. I tried so many things, I actually don’t know what ended up working.

She may actually not realise, we had similar with my DD at that age. Eventually as she got closer to 4, we had some success with just sitting her on the toilet for ages before bed every day (she tended to go then anyway and I originally thought she was waiting to get the pull-up). She did prefer a potty but managed to coax her onto the toilet by putting some loo roll down to minimize splashing.

Thank You for the lovely advice. Our nursery has said they won’t let her try to do it in a potty or even in a nappy in the toilet - it has to be directly in the toilet. Otherwise I think she really would try and go in a ripped pull up but they said that she just cannot.

She screams to even go on the toilet if she thinks ifs for a poo.

At home, how would she cope with a dress and nothing on underneath? Obviously you don't want her pooing on the floor but I wonder if taking away the thing that she is used to pooing in would help.

Could you do that at home? Take her out of nursery for a few days and try and crack this.

You get some really “pretty” pants (go cheap) and build them up as a really fab thing. Sadly you have to throw them away if they get poo on them. If only she could wear the yellow/barbie/ribbon/whatever pants. She can’t really do that if she still poos in them.

DD would obly poo in a pull up. She needed to go unexpectedly when I didn't have one. I managed to convince her to sit on toilet and that I'd hold onto her. I kept looking into her eyes and talking. I think she was a bit scared of sitting on the toilet for too long. Itcwas a bit hit and miss for a couple of weeks, but it was the start of transitioning

My LO was very adverse to pooping on the toilet/potty for a while after her first go scared her and I don’t think she liked the look of it, she used to scream and cry and get all worked up. We followed Eric’s advice and got a book to teach her where poo goes (in the toilet) and why (to be reunited with all the other poos), I think it was called Squidgy the poo.
Took us a couple of months to crack it and we used lactulose as well as she has had constipation in the past so we wanted to make sure that wasn’t playing a part, but it doesn’t sound like that for your little girl, so maybe the book might help

So you have come up with a bunch of ideas and they have said no to them all. Over to them I think. You can keep working on it in more child-centred stages at home with potties and pull-ups. If they choose not to support your transition plan in nursery they can either come up with some different suggestions or carry on dealing with poos in her pants while she is mastering this at home.

I would also set up a "try" at pooing about 20 mins after meals at home. This is when she is most likely to go, and once she has gone at home either in the morning or the night before, she is less likely to need to poo at nursery. Also try to concentrate food and drinks mainly into mealtimes. There is a reflex that links food and drinks hitting the stomach to pooing (with a 20 ish min delay) and you can make that work for you better if she is not grazing through the day.

That’s a really good idea - we haven’t tried that. Ideally she would go in the morning

Currently we are trying no knickers (haven’t tried that before!)

I shall try and find the book. I should add she hasn’t ever been constipated.

Fab idea we haven’t tried that!