Failed driving test at 31 weeks pregnant and feeling really low

[Failedtest31weeks]

I failed my driving test this morning at 31 weeks pregnant and I just feel so upset with myself. I know it will be a long time until I feel able to restart lessons, and the situation with finding tests at the moment means it will likely be years before I'm able to attempt a test again.

For context, it took until my DD was over 18 months to feel confident leaving her with family so I could do a two hour lesson each week (I'm a sahm), and then just over a year's worth of lessons to get to the point of feeling ready for my test. Because of the wait time for tests, when I originally booked this one I wasn't even pregnant yet, and the further along I've got the more anxious I've felt about passing as I knew there would be no other opportunity for a long while now if I was to fail.

I just feel like a burden to my family and like I'm letting my children down by not being able to drive them places. I feel like everyone I know can drive apart from me and like there's something defunct about me and I'm just useless.

I'm so worried about the cost of it all and I feel like I've just thrown all this money away trying to learn when I'm obviously not good enough.

Driving tests are so stressful and the whole process is so expensive, so totally understand how you feel.

Each time I failed I wanted to give up.

Give yourself time to be miserable about it and get stubborn and make plans for when you will restart. Round here it takes about 8 months to get a test anyway - so get a test booked if you can.

How badly did you fail? Do you think you were ready or is it just a matter of a bit more practice and it was nerves on the day?

See it as something necessary, but acknowledge how difficult it is and that it might take a bit more time to achieve. But achieve it you will. (So says Yoda)

@user1471538275 I felt ready and my instructor was really confident in me. I just had such terrible nerves and made mistakes that I never normally make during the test.

I feel anxious to book another test as I just can't see how I'll feel ready to leave my baby (for lessons) before they're at least a year old. I EBF my first and struggled with postpartum anxiety so I don't want to get ahead of myself and then feel disappointed again that I just can't get back to it that easily.

I just feel like such a failure and I wish I could have held my nerve.

I've just gone through the driving test with all my children.

Two were excellent confident drivers, instructors were very confident they would pass first time.

They failed on daft mistakes first time, but passed second time.

I EBF my children but did work night shifts so had to leave them occasionally. I hated doing it too.

I think if you consider this a 'needs must' situation and commit to one lesson a week after 3-6 months (as long as you have someone you trust completely to look after the baby) then it might be okay?

Or you could wait a bit longer - in the end you will get there.

I just feel so utterly useless to my family and like I contribute nothing. Me learning to drive has cost us roughly £4k and I've got nothing to show for it and no real idea of when I can even try to pick it back up again.

I just don't understand why I'm so rubbish at everything and why I always let people down.

I took some refresher lessons when my son was a baby, as I hadn't driven since I passed my test over ten years beforehand. I just took him with me in his car seat. Would your instructor be up for that? I'm not sure whether it's different because I already had my licence.

@TheSmallAssassin that's something to consider I guess, but if this baby is anything like DD they will scream continuously in the car until they are about 10 months old! Not sure that would help my nerves very much!

Ah I'm really sorry Op, that is rubbish. Did you do the automatic or manual test? If you did it in a manual would doing an automatic be an option to cut down on lessons and make it easier all round?

Could you just do one lesson a month with a view to do an extra couple just before next test, and then rest of the time go out with your husband/partner with baby in the back?

You can rebook right away and if you keep checking you might get a cancellation in a week or so. It is easier to book tests now than it was five months ago, as the rules have been tightened up. So don’t lose heart, just keep checking daily and book another test. Good luck op.

Oh no, sorry to hear that. I failed mine first time (wasn’t pregnant though) and while it was meh I only had to wait 6 weeks for another, it‘s not like now. My 17 year old son passed his last week and having waited 6 months for a test the thought of him failing and another long wait was awful.

can you get some practice in your own car maybe?

I relate OP, but many babies don’t like car seats, so you may have felt unable to drive even if you could. Don’t be too hard on yourself 💐

Do you need lessons, or could you just practise with your partner or someone? Are 1h lessons available to make it easier to leave baby?

Oh don't be so hard on yourself OP.

My friend's mother was a driving instructor and she said many, many people driving about with their licence would fail if they were spot tested.

Also, of all the things we bring to our family and the world, driving is not really such a very erudite, lofty or profound skill. Sometimes people on here really play it up as a key life skill and, yes, it can be useful, but generations of very accomplished humans lived without driving cars.

It likely says more about your nerves and demeanour than your skills that you failed the test , and to be perfectly honest, why put your dc at risk if you are not confident. Far better they are safe than have a mum who scraped through her test and puts them at risk daily.

I'm right there with you!!!! It's absolutely devastating, I'm literally depressed 🤣🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ I'm single and really wish I could take my pumpkin around...would be so much easier on us both. Keep checking dates and don't give up. Trust me check every 10 min there's always cancellations no need to wait months at all... Good luck next time!

Yes, this is what I would do . In the olden days you had to wait two weeks but now you can rebook straight away and although there is a big old test shortage, there is also often a test within three days. People cancel them four days before their date because that’s the last time you can change the day.

I think to be honest I can't handle the stress of looking to book another test at the moment. I had a quick look earlier and even being on the DVSA website was making me feel panicked. I just feel like I don't have enough time and have had a hard time this pregnancy with complications and caring for DD alone for most of the week.

I'm just so disappointed and feel like I've massively let myself and my children down. Feels like I'm giving them a rubbish childhood as I can't easily take them to some places, and I feel like compared to all the things other mums seems to do I'm just doing a massively crap job.

I say this with kindness. Use your disappointment and keep your lessons up until baby comes and keep checking for cancellations. Don’t waste all your progress.

Keep going! You are being very hard on yourself.

Can you practice with anyone? That really made a difference to me. The day before my test I did 3 hours with my now husband. It might be worth getting a babysitter if it means you pass.

It seems completely impossible to get another test date, and I just honestly feel I can't deal with the stress of it right now. For the sake of my wellbeing I really think I need to just have a clean break for a while. My husband is currently studying alongside working full time and has his end of year deadline in a couple of weeks, and then we are away for a week when I am 34 weeks pregnant. I just don't think I can handle this all so close to the end of my pregnancy, regardless of how upset I feel at failing. I just feel like the pressure is too much right now.

You are being so hard on yourself, OP. I failed my driving test 3 times before passing and wasn't heavily pregnant at the time! It is inconvenient to not be able to drive, definitely, but you can still get out and about using buses, trains etc. My instructor said that test centres have quotas for passing/failing people - if they have passed too many people within a certain time frame they will be harsher on drivers coming through so as to balance the stats. I know it is disappointing but you will get there, even if you have to wait a while. Think of the money you will save on petrol, car insurance etc for the moment!

I was horribly nervous and failed twice before passing on the day I wasn't feeling well and convinced myself I'd fail. I hadn't even told anyone I was taking my third test as I couldn't cope with the pressure.

In my family, no one passed on their first attempt.

Once you feel ready, get back to it. Nerves are awful but they are beatable and if your instructor has confidence in you you're clearly very capable.

I had many lessons as a 17 year old but stopped due to having a nasty instructor who shouted at me. I picked it up again at age 26 and am very proud of myself.

You will get there.