Work is telling me I will work 40+ hours a week

[whyyyyyisitmonddayy]

Please help. I’m exhausted.
full time PhD student here. I worked 20hours + at the end of my last degree (MA) and without a break I’ve gone onto my PhD. Work had loads of waitresses quit to go back to uni but I’m going to be staying while studying. They’ve told me I’m working nearly 50 hours one week, and then lowered to 29 when I pushed. But there’s no way I can handle that. I’m so depressed right now as I genuinely never get a break. They also keep changing the rota after they send it to me; meaning I have to keep cancelling appointments and changing them.

im so tired and it’s making me suicidal. I’m running on so little sleep.

I want to keep the job as I generally like it

Well there’s only a couple of options:

1. tell your manager you’ll only do xx hours a week or you’ll leave
2. keep doing the hours they ask but look for another job in the mean time.
3. suck it up and do it.

I’m really sorry you are going through this. Even if you like the job, they don’t sound reliable or professional. It sounds like they’re taking advantage of you. Could you not tell them the truth- you need a reliable schedule and you’re a good employee. If they don’t listen or meet you at a resolution, it sounds like they’re aren’t worth your worry.
Maybe also start looking around for other waitering jobs too. Or tutoring or dog walking?

Tell them that now you’re in a new role, you either need fixed hours or a rota that doesn’t change. You can only work x hours a week. Also, you want a pay rise.

Tell them your maximum availability, and stick to it. It's unlikely you're working in the only short staffed restaurant in town so look for other options at the same time. If the PhD is career advancing don't prioritise the student job.

Be firm with your manager. They've lost staff, and want you, so you have more power than them. Don't accept being told to work one hour over what is healthy. Don't accept changes to the rota after you've made plans. Be strong and value yourself, no one else will

Does your uni offer any bursaries? So you could work much less, or could you extend the duration of your Phd, so it was part time, allowing you more time to work

Be firm and tell them you need a fixed schedule and cannot work outside those set hours. “I’m available xyz. I really enjoy working here so hope we can work this out. Otherwise I’ll have to look elsewhere.”

People are quitting for a reason. You have to be clear with yourself on your priorities and your mental health should come first.

You are suicidal?
Are there other things going on?

You like aspects of the work but it’s utterly clear you don’t actually like where you are working.

can you find similar work elsewhere ?

can you live on your stipend ( do you have one ) ?

can you pick up as hoc hours at your uni - DD had plenty of tutoring roles that worked easily around her study

once you have made up your mind // realised you need to quit it will be easier to prioritise your own health - if you feel ill because of overwork and worn out just take the day off sick ( and use the afternoon to look for work)

you have to walk away as you can’t and shouldn’t be doing 2 full time jobs. A PhD is much more effort than a MSc

You have the upper hand here - they’re clearly desperate for staff.

So when the rota changes, tell them you can’t do the new shifts.

And look for another job. I left a job once as I was on a 15 hour contract (that I wanted) and I had to fight every week to make sure I didn’t get rota’d in for more hours. It was exhausting.

You tell them to piss off and live on your research council stipend which will be at least £21805 tax free this academic year. Kindly, if you haven't got research council funding I would say you aren't competitive enough to do a PhD and I'd give up the dreams of a PhD and go and look for a proper graduate job that pays above minimum wage. I'm also amazed nobody has noticed you're not working FT on your PhD yet but I guess if you're not lab based that's easier to hide.

They obviously need you so they're not going to fire you. Tell them your availability and stick to it. How many hours are you contracted?

Look for another job and tell them you are only available to work x number of hours.

I’m a bit concerned that you are feeling suicidal over this - are you okay, and as other pp has said, is there anything else going on?

Please tell them you need fixed hours, or you’ll need to find something else.

3 means giving in my degree. As it’s not going to work at all.
Spoke to a more senior manager and she was lovely and sorted it for me thankfully, just felt bad as I’d been talking to the managers under her and they were really nice but couldn’t really help — as they are massively short staffed.

For weeks I’ve been juggling it all and I’m exhausted. Running on suboptimal sleep has started to affect my mental health massively as I’m sleeping <6 hours a night every night, and with 0 downtime at all. Feeling much better knowing that things will improve shortly

I’ve got a habit of being a push over and just not saying no which is how it got to this point. Everyone I work with is amazing and very kind, so I’ve essentially put myself in a position where they’re not necessarily taking advantage knowingly, but I’ve been pushed past my limit.
seeing a 50 hour work week coming up just sent me over the edge I’m afraid ☹️

I don’t have a stipend as our government has obliterated funding. I’m living off a loan which leaves me with enough to live on every week, but it’s not exactly 21k.

That’s a problem to which most women can relate. Many don’t learn it until 50+.

You can’t please everyone and also achieve your own goals.

If you make a list of your goals and really define what’s important to you, then focus on that you’ll be ahead of the game.