Trigger warning * Has therapy helped others cope with childhood sexual abuse in later life?

[PurplePeaPod]

I've posted here for traffic but if it's not the right place on MN please let me know and I will report and get it moved. I have name changed because I am a regular poster and want to keep this separate.

I was SA as a child and it's only really come to the fore in my 50s, I think I always knew but it wasn't until a year ago it kind of clicked into place and I realised what happened to me as a child. Now I keep getting flashbacks and more stuff falling into place.

It's causing problems for me in my life because I am hyper vigilant and have low self esteem, people pleaser, massively insecure and struggling to feel safe. The Epstein stuff and just the state of the world right now isn't helping.
I have OCD intrusive thoughts and my mind can spiral. I've become a clingy mess in my relationship and my anxiety is through the roof.

I've tried a couple of therapists but they weren't much use and I have a new therapist and my first session is later today.

I just want to get past all this and be 'normal' and live a normal life. I don't want what happened to me as a child to define me or even be a second thought any more.

My question is if you are a victim of CSA and you've had therapy did you get to the other side? Would you say you live a normal life?
Can anyone recommend any techniques or anything to help me move past this?

I'm so sorry you have experienced this OP. I am a fellow survivor. I aim to respond to your various questions but please bear with me as it might take me a moment to adequately verbalise 💔

Thank you so much for replying @LauderSyme I'm so sorry you've experience this too 💐
Please take all the time you need, I'm very grateful for any advice or help.

There was SA in my family. My siblings suffered more than me. I’ve got lots of healing to do and therapy is helping me. Good luck OP. You deserve to feel better.

I am also a survivor and my feelings are..
Yes I have a normal life, I go to work, I have happy grown up children, good friends and am happily married.
There are bad moments though.. I can’t watch/read things that trigger me, the Epstein stuff for example. That’s not to say don’t care because I really do but I don’t have a normal reaction, it causes days/weeks of flashbacks and depression and it’s already hard enough.
I don’t expect to have the same reactions as somebody who has experienced this type of trauma either, because I accept a part of me is broken.. that’s a shit thing to admit but it’s true. An example of that being is let’s say me and my husband have a falling out, he knows I can’t live with uncertainty/tension for to long so rightly or wrongly he’ll let things go to bring the peace because of how I’m affected, it’s like my nervous system is broken.
I know Mumsnet hates the phrase inner child but there in my opinion is a lot in acknowledging that child.. for me that meant cutting my mum out of my life.
On my worst days I find distraction helps.. cleaning/reading/gardening is great to get you out of your own head.
I’ve had lots of counseling, some better than others.
For me the main thing has been finally reporting it..35 years after it stopped.
It resulted in a charge and a trial, it unfortunately ended in a not guilty verdict. I don’t regret doing it though because I’m aware that doing so destroyed his life.. he lost his career and his wife left him so at least there’s that.. his secret was out it was very therapeutic.
Wishing you peace.

So sorry you are going through this too. I started a thread similar yesterday. I was sexually abused by my friend's dad and neighbour between 12 and 14. I'm 53 now and this past year I've been particularly struggling. Part of it is I'm sure is because I found out he's died recently and he never got punished. I've never seeked counselling and wondered if it's too late 😔

Have you looked into EMDR? It seems to deal really effectively with trauma without having to dig through the past, if you are wary of reliving the horrors of it. Wishing you all the best in your journey, and I hope you find peace. I would definitely try EMDR in your shoes.

I am having psychotherapy now and it's helping a lot. I regret not doing it much sooner.

Things that I hadn't even realised were triggering have become clearer to me and I am able to explore coping strategies. I still have a long way to go, and there are peaks and troughs in how I feel, but I am confident it will improve my life.

Yes I did have counselling and therapy and yes it worked.
I remember just crying for the first few sessions of counselling. Then I had cbt which I found very helpful.
one thing I will say is finding the right therapist is a must. Treat it like dating and break up with them the moment a red flag appears

Sorry you are going through this. I had 6 years of group psychotherapy that really helped me. It was psychoanalytic- which I found worked really well. I’m now in 1-1 psychodynamic psychotherapy and not finding it as good. But I entered therapy not knowing there there was anything from my childhood despite having every symptom under the sun - all those you mentioned.

I also had years of short counselling sessions - 6-8 weeks which I found were not helpful at all - they were effectively plasters and never went very deep.

can I ask you about how you remembered? It was only when I was having intimate medical procedures that I had flashbacks - first one at 38 - I still don’t fully understand it - but like you said - I always knew something wasn’t right.

I hope you get the help you need.

I was SA as a child. It imploded my family in later life because it was a family member, but yes I would say I have moved on.

While I find it very disappointing how it was dealt with in my family (or not dealt with which was the problem) it actually highlighted a lot of family dysfunction I had had to deal with alone as a young child and gave me the opportunity to deal with that too.

I have a very happy and settled life now and I’m lucky enough to have really good friends and a great family of my own which is enough for me.

Yes I had excellent therapy after a few false dawns with very poor therapists.

I’ve had extensive therapy. Over a decade. It changed my life. But oh it was very hard at first. I was a victim of child sexual exploitation as well as abuse in my family and further ptsd incident early adult.
I have also become estranged from my family.
So for me there was loads to unpack.

First you probably need coping strategies before you head first into any type of trauma work. But the thing that really helped me was parenting myself like a child. I am fiercely protective of the little girl I was. I have learned to heap compassion on myself and indulge and love myself as I would my own child if they’d been through such horror. It was the single most important turning point for me.. loving myself through all of it. When I struggle, I love that little girl even harder.

At first it was hard and felt like going through the motions but now it’s second nature.

Sending lots of love to you and the little girl you were. You deserve to be loved and heard and protected.

So sorry you’re going through this, I can’t comment on whether therapy would help you, but I came to echo a previous posters suggestion of EMDR, I’ve had it 3 times now for ptsd and it has worked amazingly. It might be something to consider.

Find a ‘trauma informed’ therapist.

I am so sorry this happened to you. I’m also a childhood SA survivor.

The abuse started very young and went on for many years, by several close family members. I don’t know who I should have been if that makes sense as it changed me from such a young age.

I disclosed in my early 40s after having my own children. I then started therapy with Clinical Psychologists. Yes that’s plural because the therapy lasted several years with different clinicians. And finally one who specialised in sexual trauma. This is the key I think, to have a “trauma informed” psychologist. I also had various sessions with general counsellors in between just for when I was overwhelmed and had used up
my allotted sessions (NHS).

The main psychologist used a term something like, “what recovery would look like” for me. And that helped, to be honest, about what could realistically be achieved.

If I could go back and start therapy again, I would wish that I disclosed more detail to the psychologist. I felt that I had to protect her from some of the more awful or
embarrassing stuff. I’d told the police everything, and somehow repeating all
of that was harder than saying it the first time.

A lot of the things we talked about regarding coping and recovery still stick with me, even though at the time I wondered if I was wasting my time.

I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I will never be truly fixed or “normal” but compared to how I used to be, I think I’ve improved. And it’s good to know that my reactions to triggers are “normal”

Every day is a work in progress, but the therapy was definitely worth doing, so in answer to your question it definitely helps, providing you get the right therapist. A good one will want to make sure too.

Good luck OP x

Another vote for EMDR. I found it very helpful with stoppung flashbacks & it helped that I just needed to follow the directions of the therapist and didn't really have to discuss anything.

Fellow survivor. Father convicted, mother and brother supported him. EMDR changed the trajectory of my life. It’s very tough but it works. Still have bad days, it’s broken parts of me but I am here, moving forward and trying to become the person I could have been. Good luck x