Struggling with difficult visits to my mother 7 hours away

[AutumnLover1989]

We live 7 hours away from her and we find the visits increasingly difficult.
She's not a big talker but she will make digs about certain things,making the atmosphere very strained.
Last visit was telling me to hurry up and get dressed. I'd been up half an hour and still finishing my tea. This was around 7am.
Telling my teen who has a disability that she should be carrying something instead of me. She knew she was in pain. My daughter felt really uncomfortable.
Going on about why my daughter doesn't have a boyfriend. My daughter is gay and not really ready to tell her nan,who is old fashioned and not even sure she'd be very accepting 😞
Moaning about our mobile use when there literally nothing to do there. We read and take Scrabble and Battleship but it's the constant eye rolls. It's too much now.

We were there for 3 days which is our limit but she keeps saying to make it a week. We can't do this 😞

Have you thought about just telling her the truth? How you feel? That her judgement and eye rolling, and micromanaging and everything else is not compatible with your lives.

Yes she might kick off or sulk but honestly would it matter?

I would tell her over the phone clearly.

We have thought about it after the last visit but because we only see her 3 times a year,I don't want our visit to be awkward if we tell her,but then again its her making things awkward 🤦 You're right,phone is probably the best 😔

I'm also thinking is just saying something as it happens rather than letting it fester and say nothing. I need to manage up a bit I think instead of worrying about her feelings when she's really not bothered about ours 😞

Would staying in an air b and b nearby help? Go for the week but only be with her a few hours a day.

Yes say something. It’s not exactly going to make the visits worse!

Possibly. That's an option.

How often do you make these visits?

I had a similar experience and found staying for a weekend with a schedule of activity was the only way forward. A week was beyond me.

When I was told to get dressed at 7am or spoken to rudely I walked away, went back to bed. I made my self available for part of the day and busy with errands where possible.

Thick skin and grey rock was essential. Does your teenage daughter have to visit or could she become busy with other things? Limit, control and restrict the visit on your terms - also be less available.

You just need to say something when it happens.

Why isn't she carrying that?
She can't ,she's in pain.

Why are you on your phone?
I'm playing a game, shall we play Scrabble instead or go out?