Is there a societal expectation that you should get married and have kids?

[GreatestStar2]

As it feels like you should do those things otherwise people won’t want anything to do with you and that you’re made to feel like a weirdo.

Any people on here that have done neither and feel like this?

I’m 33 going on 34 and feel like a social misfit as I’m not married and have not any kids and feel like if I’m on my death bed and haven’t done those things in life I’m a loser?!

What are your thoughts?

Do what you want to!

I’m 52, blissfully single & childfree. I have a mix of friends with / without partners & kids.

Anyone who has a problem with my choices is just weird.

Do you think people who don’t get married or have kids are losers and weird?

I think there is... but it's so ingrained 😟

It shouldn't be...

You should do what you want, unfortunately if you do want to get married and have kids and it isn't happening for you, it's no wonder you are feeling that way...

I think there always has been that societal expectation.

Of course not! I just feel like that. It just feels like to me that’s the way of life for an adult should be. When I listen to the radio or watch the TV they celebrate about people’s weddings and having kids. And to me it makes you feel lesser of a person of you don’t have those in life.

I don’t think it’s really ingrained in British culture anymore.

I think less and less every decade.

but I’ll be honest you might not find your tribe here, while there’s a good tribe of (very welcome) child free women it is Mumsnet and is heavily parent leaning!!

if you’re reading a lot of threads on here it might seem like everyone else is married with kids which isn’t true at all

Do you actually want it (which is fine, obviously) or do you feel as if you should?

Oh, now I think it’s a ‘you’ thing really as this sounds quite extreme.

Anyone celebrating births and marriages are not having a dig at you personally.

Much less than there used to be but yes, it's still seen as the norm.

It really shouldn't be, imo. People should think carefully about whether it's the right choice for them (and whether they would make a good parent) rather than falling into something just because it feels expected.

My DSis has never married, has no DC and has never felt societal pressure to do either. As sisters we talk about these subjects and many others.

She is 60. Do you think it might be a generational thing as opposed to a societal thing? Genuine question, because I do not know.

@GreatestStar2 Many people of your age do want to get married and have children, many don’t. It is sad that you feel like loser. Enjoy the choices you make in life. Stop judging yourself so harshly. Set some other goals in your life and work towards them.

It was for me so I rushed into it and my god I have paid since

About 85% of adults have children and about 50% get married but it’s not weird to choose to do neither of those things.

I’m in my 50s, married with children but I have several childless friends (through choice) and know lots of people who haven't chosen to get married. No one thinks they are weird.

Yes, there is a societal expectation of marriage and children. That doesn’t mean you have to follow that path to be happy and fulfilled.

See I don't at all. You should get married if you want to start a family but I think that's seen as old fashioned now, so much so that they're trying to bring in common law marriages without any sort of opt in.

I think that there is more of an expectation that every adult should be in a relationship. I do not see why we should all be expected to be neatly paired off if some of us are happier on our own!

Yes to the societal expectation that you should have children, especially as a woman.

I always wanted children but not the relationship. I had relationships because thats whats expected. Especially as I wanted children. But i just couldn't stay in the relationship. Things did happen to warrant splitting up. But I didn't even try to fix it. I had a couple of relationships but they didn't last. I just absolutely hate being in a relationship. But that doesn't fit with wanting children.

I think it used to be, however more and more people seem to be moving away from the "norm"