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Elderly ex says his adult daughter is exploiting him financially

4 replies

TheAmusedQuail · 31/08/2026 23:35

Not sure what to do. I have an elderly ex that I'm still friendly with. He told me today that his adult DD is abusing him financially.

She's got into debt and wants ex and his ex wife to bail her out. Despite wanting help with the debt, she's also booked a fairly expensive holiday (not part of the debt, separate to it), AND may or may not be spending a very large sum of money on private surgery for her BF. All of this added up has led him to believe he is being taken for an old fool.

His ex wife has leverage to make sure the share of money she provides is repaid. Ex has nothing. DD frequently leans on him to pay bills, top her up when she's short of cash (which is most of the time because neither she or the bf are properly employed). Ex is generous. He doesn't really mind smaller amounts. But this time it's thousands. And he's stressed, anxious and is making noises about suicide. Not because of the actual money, I don't think. But because she's also trying to tie him into some other sort of financial commitment.

I don't know what to do. I have no contact with the family anymore because the DD was always bad news and I've now got no need to have any contact. I'm an ex after all. She is is more or less his only real family member so there isn't anyone really that I can prevail upon to help him. And it isn't my place to do it now (and honestly, I don't want to get sucked back in again).

I have been racking my brains about organisations that could help, but I'm also worried that reporting it would blow up his relationship with the DD. I just can't see a way to get him any help.

OP posts:
Kirschcherries · 31/08/2026 23:48

AgeUK has advice about elder abuse. You can also report to Social Services.

Does your ex just have one child?

Cotopaxi · 01/09/2026 00:09

Agree, this sounds like elder abuse.

TheAmusedQuail · 02/09/2026 06:18

I had a look on the Age UK website and it does seem to be financial abuse. But I have no idea of how to help. I imagine he's told no one else so if I contact them, he'll know it's come from me. I also think there is some element of dementia starting because we have conversations about things and half an hour later, he has no memory of the conversation. Which makes the whole financial pressure he's being put under even worse.

OP posts:
LarryForPrimeMinister · 02/09/2026 06:42

Yes it's abuse. I would make contact with adult social services.

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