Fear of driving

[FearOfDriving]

Does anyone have a fear of driving? I need to learn as although I live in London it makes life very hard not driving. I have a real fear of it though. I keep making up excuses not to learn but really it’s that im utterly terrified of driving and could never actually see myself driving. Anyone else have a fear of driving?

I’ve had this fear in the past, yes, so I really empathise. For lots of people it seems to come naturally or be something they enjoy, but I really struggled with it. Long story short, recently got back driving and this time with an electric automatic car. I know that’s not possible always but it has helped SO much (the automatic aspect). I guess I’m badly coordinated and changing gears was occupying a lot of brain space that I can now totally focus on driving. Also technology really helps - I use the Waze app and it tells me what lane to be in for roundabouts (another previous fear). There’s no stalling on hills or anything, it’s just stop go. Now been driving a few months and the fear is almost gone and I’m a much, much better driver than before. So, if possible, I’d recommend an automatic. I’ve done driving confidence lessons in the past. I’d also recommend, once you are back driving, don’t put limits on yourself. I didn’t want to be one of these people who drives but doesn’t do motorways or unfamiliar routes so I quickly did a longer trip and motorways etc. all very helpful confidence building stuff. Good luck!

Thank you thats really helpful, it’s not just me im worried about but other drivers too, the recent issues of cars deliberately driving the wrong way etc, we've just had another one local to us after the one in the news the other day.

I did when I started.

My first instructor took me in the car, started me off on a derestricted dual carriageway - and expected me to be driving at the speed limit straight away by putting his foot on the accelerator when I tried to ease off, then on the way back announced we were running late and insisted I overtook a tractor on a country very windy road on a blind bend. terrified me.

So when I decided I better learn 10 years later I was terrified. I found a nice (female) instructor and we spent the first lesson going at walking speed up and down a wide straight road with very little traffic at 10m a time.
Gradually she worked my confidence up and I passed. She did say to me (when teaching my dd to drive) that she'd thought I might well be one of those drivers that passes and almost never drives again.
It took me 6 months to not dread getting in the car, and probably about 2 years to really feel confident.
But I've now been driving about 20 years, never had an accident that was my fault (someone went into the back of me) and quite enjoy driving most of the time.

try a tester lesson in an automatic with a woman instructor and see how you like it.

if it’s other cars driving the wrong way down a one way street you are worried about, the fact that it’s hardly in the news means it hardly ever happens. There are probably more train crashes, bus crashes or plane crashes. And they are rare too. Yet you probably use these forms of transport and dont think twice about whether or not it’s dangerous before you board.

So dont let a fear of the unknown decide for you. Take a lesson and see if you like it or not. If you think you can do it great. It’s a skill that could be helpful in the future, whether you buy a car or not.

What difference does a woman driving instructor make out of interest? I have had men in the past and that didn’t feel like the issue, im worried about other car drivers, and it’s not true that there are more bus / plane or train crashes a year than cars, cars are by far the most common crashes a year

It's a huge stereotype, but my own experience is that some female instructors are more patient and gentle than some males. Having said that I once had a female instructor who was very impatient and a male instructor who was the kindest, most gentlest and calm instructor I've ever had. So one can't really generalise....

One advantage of London is its unusual to get above 25 mph so a major crash is unlikely.

I genuinely feared driving as soon as I passed . It took over 10 years to pluck up the courage again. I found automatic refresher lessons - turns out an auto cured me 🤣 less to faff about with

Yes, I did. I had a really impatient instructor and I hated making mistakes with him as he made me feel really stupid.

I then found a new instructor who was really patient and didn't make me feel silly when I inevitably got things wrong. I passed first time with 4 minors.

I did have a period where I struggled about 4-5 years after passing my test when I had an accident (not my fault) and it killed my confidence. I actually ended up going on paroxetine for unrelated reasons and it had the side effect of massively helping with my driving too.

London has the highest amount of crashes in the uk

My driving instructors all men have all been nice and patient so I don’t think it’s that

@FearOfDrivingI did put major after I reread it back.

Prangs & small crashes are surely high due to density but there can’t be many people in a car who are seriously injured or killed in crashes. Cyclists will be a different story obviously

I think there is a lot of angry drivers in London

“Urban vs. Rural Totals: While major cities like London record high overall numbers of total collisions and minor injuries due to sheer traffic density, their rates of fatal accidents per capita or per mile are significantly lower than rural areas”

Impatient & angry yes & i would argue that many drivers don’t have a license or haven’t read the highway code but I drive daily (learned late) & feel safe.

I dislike country roads. Automatic will help

Yes OP! I'm 35 and still can't drive snd feel pathetic for it! I'm also terrified about driving with my children in the car. I really need to learn for them . The expense is also a huge barrier as well. I don't live in London though, I live in a small town. I can imagine London is terrifying to drive in if you already have a fear!

Thank you yes I have kids as well so want to do it for them but I am just terrified of the though, I keep making up reasons as I feel too embarrassed to tell anyone in real life

Yeah but in London it’s nearly all minor stuff. Annoying with all the admin and insurance but it isn’t the end of the world if someone clips a lime bike into your parked car or rear ends you in slow moving traffic. And so bloody what if someone beeps aggressively because they fail to understand how to merge. Get a dashcam and a thicker skin! A good patient (female) instructor and an automatic car is the way to go.

Yes, I passed my test as an older driver 9 years ago, drove occasionally for around a year then stopped. I've just started getting back into it a couple of weeks ago as we're moving house soon and I need to either get rid of my car or be able to drive it to our new house. I'm finding it less terrifying this time around, so hopefully I'll stick with it. I'm surprised by how quickly it's come back to me, I was expecting to stall lots and for my feet to have forgotten what to do, but so far so good.

I think a huge part of it is finding an understanding instructor. I would see if anyone you know can recommend a patient female instructor. I sacked off three male ones as they made comments about 'women drivers' eg how I'll be using the rear view mirror to apply makeup once I've passed my test (I don't wear makeup). The first instructor I didn't go back to after my first lesson as he told me tales of horrific accidents including all the gory details that he'd witnessed as a HGV driver. This was after me mentioning I was nervous about learning to drive. The older gentleman I stuck with through to my test was absolutely lovely though. I think if he'd have taught me from day one I would have overcome my fear much quicker.

I still struggle with parking 😆

If you have managed your life this far without driving what's the big deal? If you feel you must why not go on an intensive course (I think they are held with accommodation included).

I was a nervous driver when I passed my test. Driving to work was easy, it was 1 mile away on a quiet B road. So in the evenings and weekends, I set myself small challenges such as to drive 3 miles, then 5, then 10 etc all in quieter areas to build up my confidence. Then I started on my biggest fear: motorways. The first time I drove on a motorway my challenge was to drive to the first exit, turn around and come back 😂 Then I built on this to two exits and so on. I've been driving now for 38 years and love driving. I've never caused or been involved in a collision. You just need to build up your confidence slowly, OP.

I have but it’s a pain standing around waiting for buses, having to bring shopping home on them, most places here need multiple buses to get to (I live in a crap part of London we don’t have the underground here so everything relies on buses) they are often busy and have a lot of unpleasant people on them also the school runs annoying relying on buses etc would be so much easier to drive

Having dc means a car was necessary for me.