First date advice conversation when shy

[Datetime]

I need some advice from people who are shy on first dates!

What’s funny is I work in an extremely high pressured environment where I have to talk to people all day.
I regularly have to stand in front of 30+ staff members and talk and also have to deal with very aggressive, intimidating men - all of which I take in my stride.

But when it comes to dating, I am an absolute mess!

My workplace is 95% men and so I talk to men all day every day but when I am on a date I can’t think of what to say.

I get asked out on dates regularly but always say no because of this issue (and sometimes just because I can’t deal with anymore men in my life).
I have started to say yes.
I went on one a couple of months ago and I felt it was a disaster because I just couldn’t think of what to say!
He was lovely and did all of the talking but I know he felt awkward.

I have autism and think I have selective mutism (even though I thought you didn’t get this as an adult) but I literally can’t get barely any words out and I can’t think of what to say!

I am going on a date again with someone else and really want to be prepared this time.

I have been looking up questions to ask but I do know this man a bit and so the questions on the internet say things like what do you do for a living etc - but I already know these things.
Or the questions are silly like what superpower would you have etc

Is there anyone else like me and do you have any advice??

I would just go with what where how why. What do you do, how did you get into that, what did you study at uni, where have you been on holiday, why did you choose x over y.

That’s quite typical to be confident and assertive in your professional role, but to feel anxious and struggle with communication in a social situation especially with someone that you don’t know.

You could try saying that you are nervous at the start. He might be relieved and say me too!
If he’s kind and considerate he will understand.

Maybe an activity date like bowling would be less pressure as you can talk about scores, whether you are competitive etc. A walk or a coffee would also be less pressure than a face to face meal or drinks. Sitting side by side could also be less pressured.

There are some tips on this site. Advice will be a bit basic and obvious for you but some tips and topics might be helpful. Good luck.

https://paautism.org/resource/conversation-how-to-guides/