Anyone else exhausted by carrying everyone else’s happiness?

[Handlepop]

I’m 30, married and have 2.5-year-old twins, and I work part-time. I feel like my brain has 100 tabs open at all times.

I’m constantly thinking about whether my husband and I are in a good place, whether we’ve been intimate enough, whether we’re doing okay financially, whether the twins are eating well, sleeping well and developing properly, whether I’m doing enough around the house, whether I’m being a good daughter, a good sister, a good wife, a good mum…

It feels like I’m constantly monitoring everyone and everything to make sure nobody is unhappy or disappointed with me.

And what’s really getting to me is that I don’t feel like my husband thinks this way. If we haven’t been intimate for a while, he doesn’t seem to worry about it. If we haven’t spent much time together one week, he doesn’t seem to analyse it. He just lives his life, and if something is bothering him, I assume he would tell me.

Meanwhile, I’m constantly stressed and on the go overthinking.

I’m sitting in the bathroom crying tonight because I’m just so tired of carrying all of this mentally.
I don’t want to spend the rest of my life trying to keep everyone else satisfied and happy. I want to be able to just live, without constantly evaluating whether everyone around me is okay because of something I have or haven’t done.
Has anyone else felt like this? How did you learn to stop taking responsibility for everyone else’s happiness and stop overthinking everything?

@Handlepop
firstly please step back and be kind to yourself - you are juggling a lot of plates and under 3’s are challenging, more so with twins, however, in the nicest possible way you need to take a chill pill otherwise you’ll have a nervous breakdown!!
when I had my eldest (nearly 15) I was a nervous wreck, not so bad with my second and totally chilled with my third.

Living on the edge is NOT living, it is surviving.

Just do your best and try not to stress about things, I wasted probably 3 years doing this with my eldest and it’s miserable. Someone with a 2 year old who “hasn’t been intimate” this week or even this month is not a rarity - people are exhausted!!! 😩

I remember someone saying to me aswell the kids pick up in the stress. This is so true. I wish I could go back 15 years and say that to my younger self as I was not always in a very good place either.

Do something for yourself either go to a class once a week, go out for tea with friends, cinema - ANYTHING

You might be Mummy, Wife, Daughter, Sister but you are also YOURSELF and I found getting out and doing a class was my lifeline, kept my identity as myself and not all of the above.

I hope you start to feel better soon.

You have a lot on your plate and first thing I wonder is how is your sleep? Are you getting some unbroken sleep, some sleeps that are at least 6 hours? The way you have written how you feel does sound like a little bit of anxiety - a question I’d ask myself is how did I feel pre kids? Is this something new since kids? This may sound trite but if you can - movement. Whatever that looks like - in the house / out of the house - it helps to get rid of that energy, that nervousness. Are you able to leave the house alone for 10 mins every day - just outside - a short walk? There’s techniques too like shaking and tapping that are good for high energy / anxiety release too. If your sleep is poor I’d look to see how you mah be able to get an extra 30 mins first few weeks and build from there. In short - you’re not alone, main thing is finding ways to reduce that whirring x