How do you actually make friends?

[Sezza57325]

I asked on here a while ago about what to talk about at a hen do where I didn’t know anyone and people were really kind and helpful so I’m hoping to get some help again.

I’ve realised most of my friends made friends with me, and I basically don’t know how to do that with other people. One of my friends I met at a hobby… but I don’t know how we went from having a few chats to actually becoming pals.

I go to hobby groups, classes etc. but I don’t know how to strike up a conversation. It probably sounds weird because it must come naturally to other people, but I was incredibly shy as a child/teenager and still feel very socially anxious until I know someone a bit, so I just don’t have these natural skills. Is there some kind of course I can do? 😂

Hopefully there is still some hope for me so I’m grateful for any advice

Well, what has drawn you to the other person? What is interesting about them?

Chemistry and persistence.

If you have a connection with someone, you have to follow it up with actions. You can't fake the chemistry and it won't go anywhere if you don't follow up with persistently making the habit of being in touch, suggesting things, chatting.

This sounds odd but there is a board game called “we aren’t really strangers” which has lots of questions to build friendships. It is based on psychology research. Get the game and memorise a few questions, then you’ll always have something to ask in a conversation. Add in a few stock questions like “do you live nearby?” (Or “did you travel far to get here”) or “are you doing anything nice at the weekend” etc. use your bank of questions to keep a conversation going, and don’t be afraid to switch to a new topic if the current one isn’t working.

also, revealing more about yourself makes it easier to become friends. If it comes up, tell people what movie or music you like or what is bothering you. Sharing info is part of building friendships. Especially sharing funny things.

finally, it takes a long time to become friends - at least 50 hours spent together. So give it time and keep spending time with people who you like.