Where would you go for a few months after bereavement?

[zxcvbnma]

My partner has recently died, after a long fight with a disease. It was heartbreaking and I feel like I need a change of scenery. I’m considering going away from London for three to six months.

I’m self-employed, so I could either work from somewhere else or take a complete break. I haven’t decided yet.

Where would you go?

I have both UK and EU passports. I’m in my late 40s and prefer cooler temperatures. I’m crap at learning languages, so ideally somewhere I can get by with the languages I already speak (English and French). Somewhere where locals and expats mix, and where I could feel welcome by both. I’m not expecting to make best-friend-level connections, but I’d like some human contact and a sense of belonging.

I like cities, but I’m slightly worried that I’d just be another faceless person in the crowd. Renting a flat overlooking a beautiful lake sounds peaceful in theory, but I suspect I’d get bored very quickly.

I don’t want to cram my calendar with activities as a way of avoiding the pain. But I also don’t want to spend three to six months alone with my thoughts 24/7. I’m imagining something fairly simple: reading books, going to the cinema, wandering around, finding a pub where people are happy to have a laugh and a chat, sleeping properly, maybe working a little if I feel like it, and generally just being somewhere different for a while.

With all of that in mind, where would you go?

Sorry for your loss, that’s tough.

Does it have to be abroad? If you are already in uk of course?

Could you think about Cornwall ( now out of summer ? ) Devon, Kent coast? Norfolk?

That way you are nearer to ‘ home ‘ but far enough away IYKWIM

How about just taking your car over to Ireland or up to the Scottish Highlands and Islands, and doing a bit of everything - mountains, lakes, countryside, coastlines, cities, quaint villages. Friendly folk, no language barrier,

My neighbour went to India and Pakistan on a group tour when she was widowed - she intentionally went somewhere her husband would definitely not have liked, and she ended up volunteering over there for a few weeks for a charity which took her mind off everything.

I am so sorry for your loss. I think you are understandably maybe looking for a fool proof experience to bring you a level of comfort and I worry that’s not realistic. I wonder if having more flexible approach would be better - so just committing to a week at a time. If it’s a helpful rhythm, routine and community environment stay for another week. If it’s tough or you are suffering move on to somewhere else. Grief has a way of creeping up on you and maybe it’s best to lean into it, paying close attention to your evolving, fluctuating and uncertain feelings. Do you have friends and family nearby who could support you? I would agree that a road trip around Ireland and or Scotland would be easy to integrate as both countries are very warm and friendly

Sorry for taking so long to reply. I’ve been feeling easily overwhelmed these days.

Thank you so much for replying.

My friends and family have been incredibly lovely and supportive (@Odeline). But at the same time, spending time with them would remind me of him too much, and I also don’t want to feel like people are pitying me.

Going on a road trip or travelling between multiple places would definitely be a great way to distract myself (@JulietBravo999), but I honestly don’t have the energy for that right now. Even the thought of living out of a suitcase feels quite draining.

So I think the idea of a home away from home is still what I feel might work best for me. But you’re right (@Odeline), I don’t need to commit to multiple months in advance. I can book somewhere for a couple of weeks and see how it goes.

I hadn’t considered doing it somewhere in the UK itself, so that’s a really great idea (@Gottensomedraws, @JulietBravo999, @Odeline). I’ve never been to Cornwall, and I haven’t spent much time in Scotland or Ireland either. I’ll see if I can find a town that feels right.

Volunteering is another really good call (@JulietBravo999). It could be a nice way to meet local people, but also to add a little purpose to what is otherwise such a dark period.

I’m so grateful for your suggestions. It really means a lot to me.

I think somewhere where you can communicate and speak the language is essential. A friend who had lost her husband, inadvertently ended up on a very isolated holiday (tropical resort during a tropical storm which lasted days). The other guests stayed in their rooms and she only had the staff to talk to (who were friendly but working) and she really struggled.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

@zxcvbnma Im so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how you must be feeling.
My older sister lost her husband 3 years ago. Lifelong partners. She's 69 right now.
Afterwards she moved into a small ground floor flat with a garden (kids all grown up) and bought a small camper van. Then joined a widows group that meet up all over uk at music festivals.
If that's not your bag there'll be something. You're younger but there will be something out there.
Most importantly you need to heal.
Take your time 💜