Where would you go for a few months after bereavement?

[zxcvbnma]

My partner has recently died, after a long fight with a disease. It was heartbreaking and I feel like I need a change of scenery. I’m considering going away from London for three to six months.

I’m self-employed, so I could either work from somewhere else or take a complete break. I haven’t decided yet.

Where would you go?

I have both UK and EU passports. I’m in my late 40s and prefer cooler temperatures. I’m crap at learning languages, so ideally somewhere I can get by with the languages I already speak (English and French). Somewhere where locals and expats mix, and where I could feel welcome by both. I’m not expecting to make best-friend-level connections, but I’d like some human contact and a sense of belonging.

I like cities, but I’m slightly worried that I’d just be another faceless person in the crowd. Renting a flat overlooking a beautiful lake sounds peaceful in theory, but I suspect I’d get bored very quickly.

I don’t want to cram my calendar with activities as a way of avoiding the pain. But I also don’t want to spend three to six months alone with my thoughts 24/7. I’m imagining something fairly simple: reading books, going to the cinema, wandering around, finding a pub where people are happy to have a laugh and a chat, sleeping properly, maybe working a little if I feel like it, and generally just being somewhere different for a while.

With all of that in mind, where would you go?

Sorry for your loss, that’s tough.

Does it have to be abroad? If you are already in uk of course?

Could you think about Cornwall ( now out of summer ? ) Devon, Kent coast? Norfolk?

That way you are nearer to ‘ home ‘ but far enough away IYKWIM

How about just taking your car over to Ireland or up to the Scottish Highlands and Islands, and doing a bit of everything - mountains, lakes, countryside, coastlines, cities, quaint villages. Friendly folk, no language barrier,

My neighbour went to India and Pakistan on a group tour when she was widowed - she intentionally went somewhere her husband would definitely not have liked, and she ended up volunteering over there for a few weeks for a charity which took her mind off everything.

I am so sorry for your loss. I think you are understandably maybe looking for a fool proof experience to bring you a level of comfort and I worry that’s not realistic. I wonder if having more flexible approach would be better - so just committing to a week at a time. If it’s a helpful rhythm, routine and community environment stay for another week. If it’s tough or you are suffering move on to somewhere else. Grief has a way of creeping up on you and maybe it’s best to lean into it, paying close attention to your evolving, fluctuating and uncertain feelings. Do you have friends and family nearby who could support you? I would agree that a road trip around Ireland and or Scotland would be easy to integrate as both countries are very warm and friendly

Sorry for taking so long to reply. I’ve been feeling easily overwhelmed these days.

Thank you so much for replying.

My friends and family have been incredibly lovely and supportive (@Odeline). But at the same time, spending time with them would remind me of him too much, and I also don’t want to feel like people are pitying me.

Going on a road trip or travelling between multiple places would definitely be a great way to distract myself (@JulietBravo999), but I honestly don’t have the energy for that right now. Even the thought of living out of a suitcase feels quite draining.

So I think the idea of a home away from home is still what I feel might work best for me. But you’re right (@Odeline), I don’t need to commit to multiple months in advance. I can book somewhere for a couple of weeks and see how it goes.

I hadn’t considered doing it somewhere in the UK itself, so that’s a really great idea (@Gottensomedraws, @JulietBravo999, @Odeline). I’ve never been to Cornwall, and I haven’t spent much time in Scotland or Ireland either. I’ll see if I can find a town that feels right.

Volunteering is another really good call (@JulietBravo999). It could be a nice way to meet local people, but also to add a little purpose to what is otherwise such a dark period.

I’m so grateful for your suggestions. It really means a lot to me.

I think somewhere where you can communicate and speak the language is essential. A friend who had lost her husband, inadvertently ended up on a very isolated holiday (tropical resort during a tropical storm which lasted days). The other guests stayed in their rooms and she only had the staff to talk to (who were friendly but working) and she really struggled.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

@zxcvbnma Im so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how you must be feeling.
My older sister lost her husband 3 years ago. Lifelong partners. She's 69 right now.
Afterwards she moved into a small ground floor flat with a garden (kids all grown up) and bought a small camper van. Then joined a widows group that meet up all over uk at music festivals.
If that's not your bag there'll be something. You're younger but there will be something out there.
Most importantly you need to heal.
Take your time 💜

grief is exhausting im so sorry. Belfast and dublin are both fantastic cities and very different but easy to travel to. In close reach of beaches Nd countrysideAnd peoole are very friendly there completely different to london pace of life much slower. Flights are relatively cheap. Personally id stay uk based in case you dont settle at least initially. What hobbies do you like yoga retreats golf hostory etc maybe look for places that have these events to break it up so there bit of organised company. Viator getmyguide do lots of walking tours. You may want quietness but other times company of relative strangers could also be reassuring. Maybe start a new thread when you go so mumsnetter can chrck in with you. There a bereavement section on here too that may help you. Wishing you all the best

I would go to Rome. I loved the peacefulness of the churches and galleries. Only went for 5 days but I felt very comfortable there.

Sorry for your loss.

What about Geneva?

You get the lake, the busy city environment, its French speaking and won’t be too hot.

I have several places lined up in my head as places i could go to heal. They would include uk destinations such as Cornwall, Wales and Scotland, but also Chamonix and Antibes. Smaller, beautiful places to wander around and feel cosy too. I feel there would be a good rhythmn to the day. I'm not sure how long I could spend in each destination. I think getting out of your environment can be really good for you and there are lots of air b&bs.

I'd go to north Pembrokeshire. I grew up there and I miss it. Walking or sitting by the sea is so peaceful. There's a few Blue Tits groups. It's a friendly place.

Somewhere like the CAT does 6 month residential volunteering placements

There will be other places! But that sorts accommodation, and stops you from being alone. There will also be a mix of volunteers

I am so sorry for your loss.
This is a tough question, but will Inheritance Tax be due on the estate, as it needs to be paid within six months or they charge interest.
Don’t underestimate the paperwork as it is horrendous, and will be easier to do from your home address.
Plan the trip for after probate and all the admin is complete.

OP, there are many very beautiful parts of Ireland where you could rent a cottage, by the sea or by a lake. You could find somewhere not too far from a town so with cinema, coffee shops for when you wish to have people around you.

I would skip the big cities tbh.

I'm from Dublin and we take short trips around the country 2/3 times a year. People are friendly, you will always get to chat with people if you are in the mood to do so.

I find being by water can be so calming.

I wish you peace and healing wherever you chose to go.

If you do consider Ireland post on 'craicnet, for suggestions.

Keswick in the Lake District. Pubs, independent cafes, good food, Booths, an independent cinema, book shops, friendly people. And the most beautiful scenery in the world. And rain. Lots of it.

I’m so touched by the many replies ☺️ Sorry if I missed anyone.

Some lovely suggestions to keep me out of my head, like widow groups (@Peakyblinder18), walking tours (@Purpl), wild swimming (@MinnieMountain), or residential volunteering (@PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister). I do like the rain (@BelleHathNoFury).

I agree and I'll definitely pick a place where I speak the language (@NightCzar). Leaning towards Dublin (@Wishimaywishimight @Purpl), Genoa (@itsgettingweird), or Edinburgh (@Enfrancais) at the moment.

You are right (@redfishcat). And I’m not good with paperwork at the best of times.

🙏

Edinburgh would work. Lovely in autumn. Lots to do. Volunteering opportunities, easy to get to countryside AND an easy and quick plane ride home to deal with any paperwork.

You could easily spend a few months in a very different part of the UK, for instance Wales or Scotland. You could relax at local beauty spots and explore further afield. You could easily join a few local groups, such as a book club, a community choir, a craft group and a rambling group, and of course a local leisure centre. You might be able to do some voluntary work too.

Am so sorry for you loss.

I quite like the idea of breaking it down into a few different scenarios - I’d say committing yourself to one destination could be difficult right now. You’re going to go through a range of emotions and personal needs as time progresses - committing to one place could be “right” right now, but maybe not in a month or so.

I went through a thought process when I lost my mum of wanting to get away from everyone and everything, just for a complete headspace break from it all. Life got in the way, which meant it wasn’t possible to- but I still want to do it one day.

The rough idea was to drive from the south east to Scotland. I wanted to plan the most scenic route possible, with regular overnight stays on the way (my own health being part of the reason for not doing a long drive in as short a time as possible). So staying at cute/old country inns etc on my route there. My proposed destination was the Isle of Mull - to find a cottage I could hire, spend days doing something or nothing, using my car where needed, definitely seeing the wildlife and looking into local tours/experiences. And I really wanted to take the passenger ferry to see the island Iona.

Personally, I’d say try to break it down by a few different things. Committing to one destination for a longer amount of time may be counter productive. And give yourself a short duration back at home in between - to reconnect with your home and your friends. A very long time away could make things harder when you come back to “real life”.

Pretty sure that, if you find a few things you’d be interested to do, then they’ll always be people here that could offer local insight to how to optimise your chosen destinations.

If you’re a walker and felt up to it you might try the Camino Frances to Santiago - calm and warm at this time of year, safe and friendly all year round, with a goal to keep you on track - or perhaps, as a toe in the water, this? https://www.britishpilgrimage.org/events/gentle-bereavement-pilgrimage-yorkshire-2026

Bali

Malta ?

More and more sold on staying in the UK ☺️ (@Northernlurker @Scoffingbiscuits). Didn’t know there were pilgrimage routes here too 🙏 (@Nightingalenight). Sorry (@mindutopia , @lifeisgoodrightnow)!

It’s still very much theoretical at this stage. I’m looking at different options, like Airbnb or flats, and the flexibility I might have in terms of booking.

Does anyone know if there is much coliving in the UK? Not for students, but for digital nomads or like-minded communities?

Sorry for your loss 💐@Ijwwm . It sounds like you had escapist thoughts similar to mine when your mum passed. But then, as you said, life tends to get in the way.

You made a very important point about how a very long time away could make things harder when I come back to “real life”. Lots to think about.

I hope you get the chance to make it to the Isle of Mull, or wherever your current chosen destination is ❤️