Is it worth trying to prove cheating in a divorce?

[IRememberWhenThisWasAllFieldsAndCakePunching]

It’s a long one, so buckle up…

80 year old FIL disappeared overnight this year, leaving 75 year old MIL, their son and grandson very distressed. It became apparent over the following month of limited communication that he was leaving her. All sorts of lies started coming out of the woodwork, and I mean ALL sorts.

we have discovered that he is living with MIL’s best friend around three hours away. They have been spotted holding hands etc. he has been on holiday with her twice. He will not tell us where he is living or who with, but we know he is with her.

he wishes to sell their house, divorce and move on. MIL is frantic because, once various things have been taken in to account, a 50/50 split will leave her with less than £100k, meaning she will not be able to buy somewhere and renting is very difficult with the three big dogs they bought together but he has left her with.

We know adultery isn’t a thing for divorces anymore, but her solicitor has told her it isn’t worth trying to prove it at all. She can’t afford a solicitor really, and has taken advice from a couple over the last few months with their free consultations and has found that their advice on the same topic can vary.

What I am asking is - is it worth gathering evidence that he is living in a relationship? Will it affect the financial split if it goes before a judge? MIL needs 60/40 really, or 70/30, but it would involved regular travel on a six hour round trip.

I would happily do it, he’s repulsed me, damaged my son and my partner and really disrupted our lives because MIL relies heavily on us now. I would love to wreak havoc and see him lose out financially, but if it isn’t going to make a material difference, I can’t really warrant the diesel expense!

Make sure she changes her (or makes a) will asap.

She’s 80, and if she died before the divorce was finalised then he’d potentially inherit her share of the house and assets. Which I’m sure she’d be horrified to think.

I think everyone would agree he is a duck, but it's a devorce not the morality police, so the reason they separated doesn't effect the split of assets

He can argue he’s only with the lady friend temporarily. That he’s not settled there. He can easily argue he moved out because it was impossible to stay. He will argue for his share to house himself independently.

As is his right, he can say and argue whatever he likes but that doesn’t mean a court will take it at face value as it’s not their first rodeo; it will probably depend on how smart he’s been because courts can access any information they deem pertinent such as if any utilities are in his name, what address he’s registered at with his GP, if he’s changed his address at the bank, if he’s on the electoral roll etc. It all paints a picture about how temporary or permanent his living situation is. Considering he thinks he’s so clever and they don’t know where he’s living maybe he’s slipped up.

Just because he could say XYZ doesn’t mean OP and her MIL need to just roll over and make it easy for him; they should collect whatever evidence they can and then let a judge decide, every possible avenue should be pursued even if it might not go their way - nothing ventured, nothing gained.

You’re missing rhe point. His relationship with this woman, like his marriage could end, no court will say you’re set for life so the ex should get more, it never works like that,

No it’s you who’s missing the point and with respect you don’t know what you’re talking about; it’s not about being set for life, it’s about whether he’s suitably housed at the time of divorce which COULD (not would) play a part with regard to asset division especially when there’s not enough to go around. A quick google search will tell you this and it’s exactly why Form E asks about a new partner, cohabitation and their financial circumstances; if it was irrelevant it wouldn’t be on the form.

Honestly it’s really irresponsible to give out incorrect information.

Here’s some more information if you’re interested https://osborneslaw.com/blog/cohabitation-divorce-financial-arrangmenets/

Correct. Suspect you are a fellow lawyer, MysteryParcel 😉.