Help me construct a message to our neighbour / dog sitter

[AleaEim]

Hoping someone can help me with this awkward situation. We live on a small, friendly cul de sac where everyone knows each other by name. About two years ago, our neighbour who is also a dog sitter started looking after our dog while we were away or at work. He does charge but on a casual basis, made out he does it more for the love of animals rather than it being his full time job. We have a ring door bell and I told him it records at the time even though it didnt( this was to deter him from any lying as we had experience of this from a previous sitter), anyway never really thought much of it, trusted him as time went on, got to know him over the years as well as his lovely daughter who visits him and our dog sometimes).

We recently set up the recording feature on the doorbell but hadn’t really been checking it as I trusted him until about two weeks ago when I realised something didn’t add up after a sit, checked the camera and realised he had left our dog alone for 11 hours while we were at a wedding despite him telling us she spent the day/ night at his house. In 24 hours, he took her out twice for 10 minutes. I thought maybe this was a once of so checked some other days and he had done similar while we were at work, told us he walked her for an hour when I could see him on camera walking to his house and coming back with her after 15 mins.

I had to react quite carefully as he had our key still and we were about to go away again and had him booked in so did not say anything, just asked some questions about the dog to see if he’d admit anything out of the ordinary but he didn’t. We then cancelled the dog sit before we went away without explanation and asked someone else to cover. We’re back now and have asked him for the key without explanation which he dropped back in letter box today.

I have not bumped into him and haven’t had a chance to say anything face to face although I haven’t made a huge effort to confront him as it’s just bloody awkward, he looks after others people’s pets in the street and has lived here a lot longer than us and neighbours sing his praises.

Im wondering if I should just message him since I don’t seem to bump into him. I suppose I’ll have to just say what I saw on the camera. My husband thinks we should just leave it and not say anything, I’m torn. Looking for advice. If he was a non neighbour dog walker I’d definitely have said something by now but we live so close together.

I am going against the grain here, but given that this man is your close neighbour, I would avoid confronting him.

I respect your moral stance on that, but if you tell him and then tell everyone else, he will know it was you and it could get nasty. If you show him up in front of everyone, don't expect him to take it well. He has already shown you he is not quite the person you thought he was.

You think I should leave it and maybe just avoid conversing if I bump into him which I will a lot.

True

I would say a version of this to him.

Yes, I would leave it. If you bump into him, I would say hello rather than blanking him altogether, but not engage in conversation beyond that. Given that you cancelled a dog sitting at the last minute and asked for your key back, he must know you're on to him.

I hope he does.

Does he have any online presence as a sitter on any local sites where you could put the boot in via a review?

No he doesn’t

The charging on a casual basis bit stands out to me about the arrangement. You may think he's been giving you a mate's rate, but he may think you have not been paying him what he is due and has cut back the service he provides accordingly. This is one of the reasons I don't ask friends and neighbours to do work for us - it can be difficult to address issues without a fallout.

I absolutely would speak with him and ask why he left the dog alone for so long, if there was an issue why he didn't raise it and see what he says. And change the lock.

Sorry when I said casual what I meant was he charged a v low rate, not that I pay him what/ when I feel like. Always paid him what he asked and sometimes even extra than what he asked as sometimes it seemed too low.

That's silly as of course he'd say it was malfunctioning! Not that he'd know if it was. How would he?!

I’d have to say something, neighbour or not. He left your poor dog alone for so long? I’d be furious and unable to help myself. Our pets can’t talk so it’s up to us!

This. He’s an utter cunt.

I’d tell him as it is, you saw the activity on camera etc. a while ago i had to talk to our pet sitter who left our cats for nearly 20h alone (doorbell recorded when she came in, left) whilst the plan was never that. She apologised and it never happened again.

i would just tell him the truth,
unfortunately he wasnt taking the dog out enough,
it is bad for dog's kidneys.

I wouldn't ask him in this way. I'd say "You might be wondering why I asked for my key back? Well, I KNOW you left my dog alone for 11 hours and I KNOW that you were only walking my dog for 10 minutes, despite you claiming otherwise. Did you forget that I have a Ring doorbell that records everything? There won't be any further need for your services in future." I might finish off with "I hope you're treating the neighbour's pets better than you treated mine". He might be more conscientious if he thinks there's a danger of you raising this with a neighbour at some point. If there's any neighbour you get on well with, who he sits/walks for, I might gently raise it with them.

This and show him your videos
Or just send him the video ( if you can do this ) of his short timings / lies.
Edited to add
Ask him for a refund as well !

I would change the locks and quietly mention what happened to other neighbours so they can decide what to do.

I think he has got himself into a terrible mess but his intentions are good, and he is lying to himself as well as to you. You say hes a “bit eccentric”. I think he is truly an animal-lover. But I think he struggles with executive function: time-keeping, tasks at home, motivation etc

this is not an excuse. It’s just some reasoning behind it all.

he shouldn’t charge for time the dog isn’t walked. But he knows he can’t charge 15 mins because then you’ll know. He is kidding himself, “oh it’s a good dog. He gets loads of attention from them all week. The dog will be ok for one day…” blah blah blah

its totally totally unacceptable and cruel for your lovely dog. It’s deception, it’s lying, but his brain is manipulating it to not be that bad.

i say all of this because he won’t be taking accountability. The other executive function his brain is missing is accountability. If you speak to others or speak to him, he will become defensive. When theres poor executive function thats their coping mechanism… badmouth you.

I think this is him to a T. The thing that weirds me out is that he would go above and beyond or lie about going above and beyond as it seems now. For example, when he first started taking the dog out, I made it my business to wfh the first few times and even though I booked him in for an hour walk, he’d go off for two hours maybe even longer and say he fancied a longer walk, I’m thinking now that they were just over the road in his house the whole time. Another weird thing is that on the night we were at the wedding, I told him it was fine to let the dog stay here for a couple of hours if he needed to do stuff, he replied saying absolutely not, she’d be with him the whole time and get plenty of attention from him and his daughter who was visiting. So weird and psychological.

You've got your key back. You won't be using him again. What good will confronting him do? Have a quiet word with the neighbours to give them a heads up.

He's actually abusing the entire streets' ddogs and you consider saying nothing?
Just wow.

Personally I would say nothing to him but I would try to ensure no other animal badly treated. When neighbours say they are going away I’d casually ask who was looking after their dog. When they say neighbour, I’d pull a face and say oh yes, he used to look after Rover but we stopped all that after we found out…then end with, I hope you have precautions in place to make sure your dog will be OK. And finally offering details of your own sitter.
Word will get around and he may confront you but what can he say? Neighbour asked why you don’t use him and you answered truthfully.

If you have to live next door to him I would avoid the confrontation and I would avoid mentioning it to neighbours unless specifically asked. I don’t think you will get the resolution or the apology you want and deserve from this type of person.

Are you absolutely sure the doorbell footage in/out times are correct? I’ve got a Eufy doorbell that doesn’t always pick up the departure.