Help me construct a message to our neighbour / dog sitter

[AleaEim]

Hoping someone can help me with this awkward situation. We live on a small, friendly cul de sac where everyone knows each other by name. About two years ago, our neighbour who is also a dog sitter started looking after our dog while we were away or at work. He does charge but on a casual basis, made out he does it more for the love of animals rather than it being his full time job. We have a ring door bell and I told him it records at the time even though it didnt( this was to deter him from any lying as we had experience of this from a previous sitter), anyway never really thought much of it, trusted him as time went on, got to know him over the years as well as his lovely daughter who visits him and our dog sometimes).

We recently set up the recording feature on the doorbell but hadn’t really been checking it as I trusted him until about two weeks ago when I realised something didn’t add up after a sit, checked the camera and realised he had left our dog alone for 11 hours while we were at a wedding despite him telling us she spent the day/ night at his house. In 24 hours, he took her out twice for 10 minutes. I thought maybe this was a once of so checked some other days and he had done similar while we were at work, told us he walked her for an hour when I could see him on camera walking to his house and coming back with her after 15 mins.

I had to react quite carefully as he had our key still and we were about to go away again and had him booked in so did not say anything, just asked some questions about the dog to see if he’d admit anything out of the ordinary but he didn’t. We then cancelled the dog sit before we went away without explanation and asked someone else to cover. We’re back now and have asked him for the key without explanation which he dropped back in letter box today.

I have not bumped into him and haven’t had a chance to say anything face to face although I haven’t made a huge effort to confront him as it’s just bloody awkward, he looks after others people’s pets in the street and has lived here a lot longer than us and neighbours sing his praises.

Im wondering if I should just message him since I don’t seem to bump into him. I suppose I’ll have to just say what I saw on the camera. My husband thinks we should just leave it and not say anything, I’m torn. Looking for advice. If he was a non neighbour dog walker I’d definitely have said something by now but we live so close together.

I’d lay into him but then I hate liars.

I'd be more concerned about warning other people their pets are not being looked after than letting him know what you found.

I'd say something tbh but very politely. And if he's pet sitting for others on the street...if they are people you trust not to go blabbing, I would tell them. They deserve to know he's neglecting their animals when they're placing trust in him. But I'd keep yourself out of it as much as possible - neighbour wars can be nasty.

And tbh, I hate to say it, but if he's lying about how long he's in your house...I wouldn't be happy with him having ever been in my house. He's had access to your home and is a proven liar. That would be enough for me to change the locks, at the very least.

Id 100 percent message him! Tell him what you saw on the cameras. Id be fucking furious if my dog was left alone for 11 hours!

I’d definitely have to say something just so it may scare him into not doing this again to anyone else’s pets.

Why did you say you were asking for the key back? I guess he already knows you are upset as he will have clocked that the dog was being looked after by someone else and you asked for the key.
You might as well clarify by text in a factual way that you are upset because he didn’t look after the dog for the length of time he said.

I’d probably ignore him if you see him in future, or at the most be civil if other people are around.

But then I’m probably too non confrontational. You should probably go ballistic

I’d tell anyone discreetly that you are close to. Honestly I don’t think it’s worth the risk to blow it all up. While you are absolutely entitled I think it could make for accusations and unpleasantness in the street if he claims to be wronged and people trust him. If you do say anything do tread very carefully!

I would change the locks.

What an awful situation. I think I'd have to say something if my dog was left alone for 11 hours - I'd be livid. Plus, I would think the neighbours would want to know- I know I would be pissed off if someone didn't tell me this and I carried on letting him look after my pets (especially if I was paying him).

You have to tell the neighbours! That is absolutely cruel to your dog, and reveals that he does not like or empathise with animals. God knows how he might be treating the others. I would be furious if I found out you knew this and didn't tell me.

Another one for lock change on the safe side - because you've proven he's lied consistently... which certainly doesn't mean he's copied your keys, however his actions indicate that risk's no longer the zero probability you likely thought it once was.

As for confronting him, it depends on the potential fallout with where you live, the manner you go about it and whether you consider that a worthwhile risk. This one of those 'difficult conversations' with neighbours (and I've had to have a few of those) you need to plan for and have in person, not via text etc.

Only let it go if you can genuinely just fade him out of your reality - without it chewing you up inside every time you see him.

He neglected your dog. I'd have been incandescent with rage and absolutely torn his fucking head off.

Change your locks, or at least add a new one, you have no idea if he's made a copy of your key.

What would you say if you were in my shoes? It’s awkward isn’t it?

Well, no, I'd have gone absolutely ballistic on him immediately. I am fucking furious right now thinking about your poor dog sitting there suffering and sad and scared and alone and that lying cunt leaving her miserable and lonely.

And he's been doing this to her for years.

I wouldn't be even remotely tongue tied, he'd still be reeling from the ear bashing.

Do you just not love your dog at all? Are you a coward? I don't get it. At all.

I do worry if he’s so unhinged to do this knowing or thinking we were recording then what else might he be capable of. Prob will change locks yes! I do want to say it in person but when I see him he’s normally having a cigarette out of his window or chit chatting so casually when I’m rushing for work or nursery drop off. What really shocks me is how nice he seems, he’s a bit eccentric yes but this is a man who stepped in for us and looked after our dog while I had an emergency section as we have no family near by(he did agree to help us prior to baby being born so wasn’t completely unexpected).

We were in such shock for days after reviewing the videos the, he fooled us.

edited to say maybe he forgot about our doorbell recording or assumed we didn’t check it, not the point tho

Oh believe me I would have however I had to be careful as he still had our key, he had plans to sit our dog days after this and we had to sort that first before we started a street war, not to mention my husband and I had to review the recordings to make sure we weren’t wrong, we were in shock and disbelief tbh.

There is no way I would confront this directly, he sounds incredibly deceptive and toxic.

Just quietly say it to the most vocal neighbour you know and have a quiet word with the others over time too.

If you confront this directly you could end up with repercussions you cannot even begin to predict.

The second I realised what he'd done I would have been unable to prevent myself from banging on his door. He's a liar, a creep and has caused harm to your dog. I couldn't possibly hold back from giving him what for and to hang with the consequences. That might not be the tactical move, but I know who I am and I'd never be able to let him get away with it. I'd want to punish him for being a neglectful, cruel and horrible arsehole.

I would say something quietly to those you know he pet sits for... because the pets deserve better. Then the owners can make their own decisions whether to trust him again.
I'm a pet sitter..I like cameras because they show when I've been, how long I've been there and what I've been up to :) It protects me as well as the cats (mostly, I care for a select few dogs too). Several owners have told me just to switch off the cameras if I dont like it, but I never have because I want them to see me feeding/ playing etc with their pets!
But I'd protect yourself from direct confrontations just incase!

made out he does it more for the love of animals rather than it being his full time job.

I know to my own detriment that people who say this are almost always scammers. I'd say something to the other pet owners. As for him, I'd just be glad he's still stupid enough to smoke 😏

I think you can let a couple of others know in a low energy type way - maybe say the dog had an accident or something which is v unlike him so you were a bit worried he might have been left too long. Don't have it out with him or tell either him or your neighbours that you have secretly recorded him and reviewed hours worth of footage. I can see why you want to let others know but it's enough to raise the possibility and give them a mental "out".

Presuming there are no other possibilities eg he went in the back way.

No there’s only one way he can go in.

I don’t know if I will say it to other neighbours without saying it to him first, I wouldn’t want it to look like I’m spreading rumours. At least if I say to him I’ve been honest and dealt with my own business but I am a bit more anxious now people on here have told me to be careful incase he reacts badly. Ugh what an impossible situation.

You will bump into him sometime soon.

I would say " oh, XXX , glad to have seen you because there's something I want to ask. Is our Ring Doorbell malfunctioning or did you really leave dog alone for 11 hours in July, and was her walk only 15 mins the other week? Did you have some sort of emergency?"

of course you should. Your poor dog being left for 11 hours. I’d have gone straight round (well I’d have sent my dh).